Castlevania Badass Protagonist Club!
by LordAce1213 aka Blitz9684
Summary: The sequel to 'Nathan's time to shine' Let's join our favorite underrated hero as he hangs with his fellow protagonists as they discuss the topics YOU submit! Expect hilarity, mishaps, and so many guest characters this should probably be a crossover fic!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Blitz: Pay attention, I'm only gonna say this once; I don't own any of the characters I'm using in this fic, and because I ran out of witty disclaimer things to say, this is the only one you're gonna see

Nathan: Won't you get in trouble for that?

Blitz: Hope not, anyway do you know why you're here?

Nathan: No I have no idea! All you said was that if I came with you there would be pizza dammit!

Blitz: Relax! You'll get your pizza, anyway do you remember my story 'Nathan's time to shine'?

Nathan: Yeah?

Blitz: Well after a bit of thought and some nice reviews, I decided to turn it into a series! (Special thanks to youknowandy and Biofreak659 for said reviews)

Nathan: But...you're writing's pretty hit or miss, wouldn't it be better to just walk away with a win under your belt?

Blitz: Shut up, practice makes perfect, right?

Nathan: Yeah but this could end up really good or really bad...

Blitz: Ah shaddup! Anyways, enjoy the show, everyone!

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><p>Rent, DLC, and Flower Power?<p>

Nathan Graves took his regular seat at the Castlevania Badass Protagonist's Club, being the last one to arrive, as usual. Simon Belmont wasn't pleased, but after a few months of repeating himself, he gave up on scolding Nathan for being late all the time.

"Look who finally decided to show up." Soma groaned, normally he couldn't care less if Nathan was on time or not, but today he was two hours late! And because of Simon's 'No starting until everyone is here' rule, they just sat around doing nothing! Poor Jonathan fell asleep and fell out of his seat, hitting his head on the floor. Said hunter was now holding an ice pack to his head while trying to remember the alphabet.

"Sorry, I had something to take care of before I came here..." Nathan apologized weakly.

"Did it involve card games again?" Juste asked bluntly.

"Oh yeah! See the Dragon's Collide structure deck came out and I wanted to get mine before they were sold out! I was surprised at how long the line was." Nathan replied excitedly, getting his fellow club members groan and complain loudly. Richter was banging his head on the table, Juste began shaking his head, and even Simon had a hard time containing himself.

"So did you manage to get one?" Charlotte asked politely, despite being just as annoyed as everyone else.

"You kidding? I got three! You can't pick up just one of any-" Nathan began when he felt the Alucard sword being held against his neck.

"Perhaps it would be best if you saved this explanation for later, we have things to attend to." Alucard said darkly, suddenly appearing behind Nathan. Nathan gulped before nodding, as much as he loved card games, he didn't wanna lose his life on account of them.

"Thank you, vice president Alucard." Simon said before signaling for everyone to pay attention.

"We have only one item on the agenda today-"

"Actually, if I may, president Simon?" Alucard asked, actually cutting off someone for once in his life.

"It concerns our current location." He added politely.

"Very well, you have to floor." Alucard nodded before pulling a postcard out from his pocket.

"My father has contacted me concerning our commandeering Castlevania for our club activities." He said bluntly. Leon Belmont raised his hand, and when Alucard acknowledged him, he asked his question.

"Where is your father? We have heard nothing of him ever since we kicked him and Death out of here." He asked. Soma smirked before adding his own thoughts.

"It wasn't so much 'we kicked them out' as much as it was 'they bitched out and ran like punks'." Alucard glared at the young man before turning his attention back to Leon's question.

"My father and Death are currently in the Bahamas, according to this postcard." He replied while handing Simon the card, it was your standard postcard with little palm trees and the little 'wish you were here!' message on it.

"What is this about rent I'm reading, vice president?" He asked with a confused look on his face. Alucard turned back to the president of their little club with an embarrassed look on his face, something that wasn't like him at all.

"Well you see, we have been in here for a while now and it's no surprise that my father would want some compensation...and he did have a reason for asking for rent payment all of a sudden." He explained. Nathan took a look around the meeting room, everyone was pretty angry at Dracula's sudden request for payment.

"Why don't we just go kick his ass?" Julius Belmont asked.

"I'm pretty sure my man Grant DaNasty could hook us up with tickets." Trevor added, giving a high five to the youngest-but-somehow-older-than-every-other-Belmont.

"Now I can finally get that tan!" Charlotte said happily.

"Which you desperately need..." Jonathan added stupidly. Charlotte glared at him before smacking him over the head with a particularly heavy book.

"This sounds like you all just want an excuse to go to the shore." Shanoa said darkly, getting everyone to shudder in fear. Even her voice was enough to make the men go through reverse puberty, she was that scary. Before anyone had a chance to make a mess of themselves, Nathan spoke up.

"So how come he wants money all of a sudden, vice president?" He asked.

"Apparently Death has been arrested, and my father needs the money to pay for his bail." The silence that filled the room was eerie, to say the least.

"Death got...arrested?" Maria asked, like she didn't just hear what Alucard just said.

"Correct." More slience. Everyone looked at each other with amused looks on their faces. Soma was the first to crack.

"AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO WAY! THAT'S TOO FUNNY!" He shouted before falling onto the floor in a fit of laughter. Soon everyone followed suit. Charlotte began to bang her hand on the table while trying not to laugh too loudly. Maria and Shanoa began to follow her lead, while Leon nearly wet himself in his own fit. Trevor spit out his drink at Juste by accident, but Juste didn't care because he was too busy laughing as well. Even Simon let out a chuckle or two. Richter was laughing the loudest alongside Soma, Nathan, and Jonathan (Who had finally regained consciousness after his run in with Charlotte's book of doom).

"How did this happen?" The blue jacket wearing hunter asked. Alucard sighed before beginning his story.

"Well..."

_At the Bahamas..._

"_What is this foolishness, mortal?" The grim reaper asked loudly, he was being handcuffed by a police officer who was not at all intimidated by the reaper._

"_It's against the law to harass children in such a manner. Now come on, into the car." He muttered with a hint of annoyance in his voice._

"_That little monster took my arm and began playing fetch with his dog! He had that fright coming!" Death shouted, trying not to end up in the police car._

"_I know kids today have little to no manners, but you should have taken it up with his parents, NOT dangle him over a pit of eternal hellfire for all to see." The officer explained while still trying to put Death in the car._

"_That arm had my ice cream in it! I was hot as hell! And it had sprinkles in it! Do you know how long I had to wait in line? I'm the grim reaper, dammit!" Death shouted pretty loudly, getting the attention of a few bystanders._

"_Sure you are, buddy...now...get. In. The. Car!" The cop struggled to put the reaper in the car when suddenly he broke free of his grasp._

"_Not in this lifetime, mortal!" Death shouted before floating away._

"_They always try to run, unbelievable..." The cop groaned before radioing for backup._

"_This is officer Lundberg, requesting assistance. Suspect has escaped and is currently flying...yes, flying...towards the hotel district. Suspect is a skeletal looking person wearing a cloak with Hawaiian floral print on it. He claims to be the grim reaper. Yes, the crazies do come out this time of year...can I just have my backup already? Thank you." And with that, the officer was off, sirens wailing._

"_Mommy? Is the crazy man going to go to jail?" A random little girl asked._

"_I'm sure they will honey." Her mother replied._

_A few hours later..._

"_STOP RESISTING!" A cop yelled at Death, who had already lost his arm to a few police dogs._

"_I STOPPED RESISTING A WHILE AGO, DAMMIT!" He shouted in anger. Despite the fact that he gave up a while ago, the cops were making a good example of police brutality out of him. He had been pepper sprayed, tazed, and beaten with nightsticks._

"_GIVE US YOUR ARMS!" Another cop shouted, trying to handcuff him._

"_I can't! Your dogs have them!" Death pleaded while said dogs were having fun chewing on him bony arms. The police decided enough was enough, and beat Death with the nightsticks until he passed out._

"My father said Death called later that night asking him to bail him out, and that he was a little afraid of how his cellmate was looking at him." Alucard continued. Everyone was still laughing their heads off until Simon finally spoke up.

"Very well, I don't mind sending Dracula payment every now and again." He said before clearing his throat, getting everyone's attention.

"But we will have to figure out a way to make money then, we don't actually DO anything here but if we are to keep this going we will need funds...that and I would like to order pizza every now and again." He added.

"PIZZA HUT! PIZZA HUT! PIZZA HUT!" Nathan shouted all of a sudden, Jonathan and Soma joined him in his chant before Simon glared at them. They sat down and shut up, allowing the president to continue.

"In order to do this I propose that we continue debating on topics our fans send us, I admit the fanmail is beginning to pile up and we should probably get to it." He said, pointing to a large pile of mail in the corner.

"Now back to our topic before Alucard's story, I wished to discuss the downloadable content of Harmony of Despair. Anybody have anything to say?" Simon asked the crowd. Nathan raised his hand before anyone else.

"Nathan?"

"Yeah, just one thing...WHY AREN'T I IN THAT GAME?" He shouted. Everyone looked at him in confusion.

"Why would you be in the game?" Juste asked politely.

"Maybe because my battle system is one of the most unique in Castlevania history?" Nathan retorted angrily, first he had to prove his game was a beast, and now this. He was really starting to get depressed over his lack of recognition.

"Explain." Alucard stated bluntly.

"Well let's think of it this way; everyone in the game has something interesting about the way they fight. Soma, you have your souls." Soma nodded smugly.

"Vice president, you have your dark magic. Charlotte has her own spells, Shanoa has her glyphs, Yoko has...different spells, and even that Getsu Fuma guy is in there! Simon fights old school, while Jonathan, Richter, and Julius have different martial art styles and the vampire killer. And maria can even summon freakin monsters!" Nathan explained with the subjects of his speech all nodding respectively.

"Now keeping all of that in mind, wouldn't the DSS system be a nice touch? And because I use a different whip I wouldn't be another Belmont clone!"

"Well that is true but...you're still not that popular..." Trevor tried to point out as politely as he could.

"That and some of your powers are kind of gay." Leon added. Nathan began to fume a little bit.

"What was that, pretty boy?" He asked the first Belmont, Leon threw his hands up defensively.

"Relax, just think though; who uses a rose whip? Flowers in battle? Really?" Leon explained. Everyone knew Leon was a little old school, but everyone eventually came to the conclusion that if it hurts, it works. Leon though, kept his old school train of thought.

"It is kind of fruity..." Soma added. Nathan pulled out his cell phone and dialed some number.

"Hello, Kurama? Could you do me a favor real quick?" Nathan asked the person on the other end of the line. (For those unaware, Kurama is from Yu-Yu Hakusho! A pretty badass anime, and he uses his rose based whip in battle along with other flowery attacks. A complete boss.)

"Thanks, I'm gonna put you on speakerphone." And with one button press everyone could hear the squealing of women coming from the other end.

"Kurama, isn't using flowers in battle badass?" Nathan asked.

"My fangirls seem to think so." Kurama replied, trying to speak over the screams of the women around him.

"Thanks, I'll catch up with you later."

"No problem." Nathan ended the call before turning to Leon and Soma.

"Convinced?" He asked. Soma scratched his head but Leon simply groaned before responding.

"Still not convinced." Nathan sighed loudly before calling someone else.

"Hello? Seireitei? Could you patch me through to squad six? I need to speak with it's captain...my name? Nathan Graves...yeah, he'll know who I am, thank you." Everyone looked at him, wondering what kind of person Nathan was calling this time.

"Hello, Captain Kuchiki? Yeah, there are some people here that doubt the power of flowers...yeah I know they just LOOK like...umm...wait, you don't need to-" Nathan didn't get to finish his statement because suddenly a senkaimon (Portal) opened up in the room. Nathan gulped before turning to it, while everyone else just stared. Out of the portal stepped one Byakuya Kuchiki, captain of squad six. (From Bleach, of course.)

"Nathan, it has been a while." He said with a stoicness that rivaled Alucard's.

"Y-yeah...look, you didn't have to come, you know." Nathan said weakly. Byakuya shook his head before replying.

"My pride will not allow such insults." He said before turning to the others.

"Who here is the cause of this argument?" He asked, everyone immediately pointed to Leon and Soma.

"I see, I ask that everyone else please the room." Everyone stared before Nathan began shoving everyone out.

"Just shut up and do what he says!"

"No one said anything..."

"Shut up!" Soon Byakuya was alone in the room with Soma and Leon, while everyone waited outside.

"What's about to happen?" Jonathan asked Nathan.

"You don't wanna know..." Nathan replied before Charlotte began to press her ear against the door. Jonathan and Nathan followed her lead, and soon everyone was listening to what was going on.

"Bankai...Senbonzakura Kageyoshi...scatter..." They heard Byakuya's voice say calmly.

"What the-? GAH!" Leon shouted.

"HELP ME! MOMMY!" Soma shouted as well. Everyone outside winced while Alucard broke into a cold sweat.

"I get the feeling the price for rent will rise when my father hears of this..." He muttered. Soon, Byakuya stepped outside holding a check in his hands.

"This should cover the damages." He said before stepping through another senkaimon. Simon looked at the check before smiling happily.

"This should cover rent and then some!" He said while everyone looked inside the meeting room. Leon laid on the table bleeding profusely while Soma was laid over a chair in the same state.

"Damn...he really went all out this time." Nathan shuddered while Juste began to break down.

"My decorations...ruined! This will take a lifetime to fix!" He shouted before crying.

* * *

><p>Blitz: There you have it dear readers! The first chapter of the club meetings!<p>

Nathan: How are the other chapters gonna be?

Blitz: That's where the readers come in, see I'm gonna leave this alone for a week. In that time I'm hoping readers will review and leave ideas and topics for you guys to talk about next week. I'll try to tackle at least 3 each time.

Nathan: And if no one reviews?

Blitz: I'll just make up something then. But who wants another disaster like today?

Nathan: Good point...um...readers? Help...?


	2. Chapter 2

LordAce: Here we go, another chapter of everyone's favorite badass club!

Nathan: LordAce? What happened to Blitz?

LordAce: This name in itself is more badass, plus it's the same as my youtube channel.

Nathan: I saw that channel, you don't have any videos up.

LordAce: I will...eventually...

Nathan: Let's just get on with it already...

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><p>We should probably fix this place up somehow<p>

"Hey, everyone!" Nathan shouted happily, he was in a better mood than usual that day.

"I don't freaking believe it..." Jonathan muttered. Soma looked like he had seen a ghost, and even Alucard had a look of shock on his face.

"What is it? Something on my face or something?" Nathan asked. Charlotte was the only one able to form a decent sentence at the moment, so she spoke up.

"Nathan...you're actually on time..." She stuttered, trying not to fall from her seat. It was true, Nathan actually got there before the designated meeting time. In fact, some of the other members weren't even there yet. Leon and Trevor had yet to arrive, and Richter fell over the second he walked in the door, because he was that surprised that Nathan got there before he did.

"Is it really that crazy that I got here on time?" Nathan asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Are you kidding? It's the end of the world!" Richter shouted before trying to jump out of the window. Simon groaned before skillfully using the vampire killer to grab Richter's leg before he plunged from the building. Of course, this was AFTER he busted the stain glass window trying to commit panicked suicide.

"Unbelievable...my father is going to kill me..." Alucard groaned quietly. After the rest of the club members arrived and got over the initial shock of seeing Nathan on time, Simon began the meeting.

"Now that we are all settled in, let's begin today's meeting. Vice President?" Alucard nodded before standing up, but before he had a chance to say anything, someone knocked on the door. Everyone looked at each other with confused looks on their faces. Nathan, being closest to the door, stood up and let who ever was standing out there in. (In case you're wondering, they weren't worried about any threats or anything, with as many badass protagonists in one room at the same time you'd have to be a complete fool to try anything.) Anyway, standing in the doorway, was a simple mailman.

"(How the hell did he get in here?)" Simon muttered under his breath.

"I have mail for a Mr. Simon Belmont?" He said happily, seemingly unfazed by...well...anything. Simon snapped back into it before accepting the mail. The mailman held out his hand for a tip, so Simon shook his hand before turning to the mail. The mailman groaned and muttered something under his breath before leaving.

"It's from someone named 'Foretoldlegends..." Simon whispered before reading over the papers.

"So what is it, Pres?" Leon asked. Simon stared at it before his veins began popping out of the side of his head.

"Soma..." He said darkly.

"Could you come over here?" Soma shrugged before walking on over, almost tripping because Shanoa was inadvertently stepping on his jacket. After nearly falling on his ass he went on over to Simon's side.

"What's up?" He asked. Simon didn't respond, but instead he clocked Soma right across the face.

"OW! What the HELL?" Soma yelled, but before he could retaliate Simon threw the papers at him.

"WE'RE GETTING SUED BECAUSE OF YOU!" Simon shouted, which got everyone to jump up in shock.

"What do you mean, we're getting sued?" Maria yelled before glaring at Soma.

"Look at this!" Simon replied, holding up what seemed to be a flyer of some sort. It had a chibi Soma on it doing a Victory finger sign on it holding what seemed to be a disc with blades on it. Under the picture it read 'Soma's lawncare and removal services, we'll cut your s#it up good!' under the little slogan it read in fine print 'All proceeds go to the Castlevania Badass Protagonists Club, any and all complaints should be sent directly to the president, Simon Belmont.' And it even had the address where Castlevania was standing.

"I'll admit; that is a cute little picture." Charlotte giggled, looking like more of a schoolgirl than usual. Jonathan groaned, thinking he'd never hear the end of 'Why don't you make a picture like that?' or 'I'm gonna get everyone together and make chibi pictures of us!'

"So why are we being sued?" Alucard asked, being the only one who wasn't in some sort of panic over the news.

"Take a look at these pictures..." Simon muttered before handing Alucard said photos. One was a picture with a tree that had fallen over onto a Lamborghini, another was a picture of a house that was missing an entire portion of the top floor, and the worst was one with a little girl in a wheelchair, leg stubs bandaged up, flipping off the camera. A footnote at the bottom said 'Screw you, Soma...".

"That poor little girl can't walk anymore because of you!" Simon shouted at Soma, who was slowly inching himself over to the door. It was obvious Simon felt bad for the child, but the fact that the girl was even allowed to make such gestures at a cameraman made Nathan not feel as bad as he should have.

"That poor car...aww!" Jonathan cried before falling to the ground on his behind. He began sucking his thumb while Charlotte patted him on the head saying 'It's okay, Jonathan, it wasn't YOUR car...' though that last bit seemed to make him cry even louder.

Nathan grabbed the letter and looked at it for himself, a bit curious as to how any of this came about. The letter read as follows;

'Dear C.B.P.C.,

This letter is to inform you that multiple parties are suing you for damages to their property and selves. The 'Soma's Lawncare and Removal Services' were also conducted without license or any legal approval whatsoever. The city has deemed this business to be fraudulent and overall dangerous. The court date is one week from the first of next month, and should Soma or a representative not be present at the hearing, the entire organization will be found guilty of destruction of personal property as well as endangerment and bringing injury to a minor.

I await you all in court, Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth' Nathan groaned when he read the last bit. He, nor anyone other than Soma, had anything to do with this scheme.

"So how are we gonna pay this off?" Trevor asked, Simon was still too busy beating the hell out of Soma to answer, so Alucard was the one to shed light on what would be done.

"Oh, we're not paying. Soma is." He stated bluntly. Soma managed to break free long enough to gasp at what the vice president just said.

"B-but how am I going to pay for that? You guys gotta help me out on this one!" He begged, Alucard simply turned his back on him before speaking to the rest of the club.

"All in favor of leaving Soma to deal with this himself?" He asked.

"Aye!" Everyone responded, holding their right hands up.

"Opposed?" Alucard asked, and Nathan could have sworn he heard Soma's spirits drop when no one said anything, even Jonathan was shaking his head as if to say 'hell no'.

"The ayes have it, Soma; you deal with this. Get a legitimate job, win the lottery, whatever. Just don't ask us for the funds." Simon grunted before turning back to the rest of the mail.

"There is another letter from someone named Reinhart77...this one seems to be directed towards you, Nathan." Nathan shuddered, after seeing what just happened to Soma, he was a little afraid of any mail being directed towards him.

"Reinhart77 asks how come there wasn't a Hugh mode in Circle of the Moon?" 'Oh thank God...' Nathan thought to himself.

"Well that's an easy-" Nathan began but was interrupted by someone barging into the meeting room by kicking the door down.

"I'll tell you why!" Hugh Baldwin suddenly emerged from the smoke, while Alucard muttered something under his breath while shaking his head.

"It's because this little bitch gets all the special treatment from my father!" He shouted while Nathan backed away ever so slowly.

"Who is this guy?" Charlotte asked Nathan, pulling him over and whispering her question into his ear. Nathan began to whisper in her ear afterwards.

"Think of him as a step-brother of mine. After my parents died their friend, Morris Baldwin, took me in and raised me alongside his son, this guy. We're more rivals than brothers though. He's probably still mad that I got the hunter whip and he didn't." Was his response. Hugh went wide eyed when he saw the interaction between them.

"And now this little punks got a girlfriend?" Cue the mad blushing and the Charlotte pushing Nathan.

"Oh this is BULLSHIT! First I don't get my own mode, and now this crap!" Hugh shouted. Nathan sighed before speaking in a disturbingly calm voice.

"Look, Hugh, the reason you didn't get your own mode is because you're basically like every other black haired, long haired swordsman out there, either cocky and arrogant, or quiet and arrogant. The key word is arrogant here." In two alternate realities, Yuri Lowell from Tales of Vesperia and Karel from fire emblem sneezed simultaneously.

"I'm ARROGANT? I oughta-"

"HUGH!" Morris Baldwin suddenly came into the room with his booming voice.

'How is everyone getting in here?' Simon thought to himself, but didn't say anything.

"D-dad? Uh, I was just..."

"Boy, just get out in this hallway!" Morris shouted at his son, with his belt in his hand. Hugh and Nathan gulped before Hugh walked outside, then speeding up his pace when he walked past his father.

"Don't try to walk fast! You're gonna get it either way so might as well just get it over with." Morris shouted, and once out of everyone's field of vision a loud cracking noise could be heard.

"Didn't. I. Tell. You. To. Stop. Acting. Like. A. Little. Bitch." Morris said rhythmically while his belt made contact with Hugh's behind. While this was going on, everyone in the meeting room winced, except for Nathan, who was stuffing toilet paper into the seat of his pants.

"What are you doing? This isn't your fault! Listen, I think they're leaving." Leon asked, and it was true, the sounds of Hugh crying and Morris reprimanding him were growing faint. Nathan blushed when he realized this and sat back down into his seat, toilet paper still in there.

"I thought I was next!" He said before shrinking down into his chair. Everyone else either sighed or laughed before Simon spoke again.

"It has come to my attention that there is little to no security in here, we need to renovate." Alucard was the first to say something to that.

"And repair what has been damaged." Pointing to the door, and the window which Richter previously tried to jump through.

"Before anyone asks; I have the number for the company my father calls whenever Castlevania needs rebuilding." he added, while everyone simultaneously thought; 'So THAT'S how it keeps coming back!'

"Hello, Netherworld Construction? No this is his son...yes, it's happened again. No not the whole thing, just some simple repairs and maybe a security system this time. You're running a special?...Elevators?...Very well." Alucard closed his cell phone before speaking to everyone.

"They will be here momentarily, I am going to have elevators installed so that we don't have to go through the clock tower every time we need to get here." Wait for it...wait for it...

"HALLELUJAH!" Just about everyone shouted before a few of them began to dance. Shanoa and Richter were doing the waltz; Soma, Jonathan, Nathan, and Charlotte were doing that Russian kick dance you see on cartoons (Sorry, I have no idea what it's called); Juste was break dancing while Maria, Leon, Julius and Trevor shouted 'Go! Go! Go!'. Even Simon could not contain his joy as he hugged Alucard with all of his might, nearly suffocating him. Yes, they hated the clock tower and any other area of the castle like it THAT much.

Before everyone sat down a portal opened up. Everyone stared as a red-headed demon girl stepped out with a bunch of penguin like things.

"Netherworld Construction! I'm the one in charge here, you can just call me beauty queen Etna!" She squealed before turning her attention to Alucard.

"So this doesn't look that bad this time, too bad I still have to charge full price." Alucard groaned when he heard this. While this was going on, Charlotte picked up one of the penguins.

"Aww! Look how cute!" She shouted, with the penguin panicked.

"P-put me down, Dood!" It shouted. Charlotte looked confused, but still held on.

"Um, I would put him down right about now, sweetheart." Etna warned, stepping back. Alucard, somehow knowing what was about to happen, did the same.

"Dood! I have work to do!" The penguin shouted before Charlotte finally lost her grip on it. The penguin jumped towards Jonathan, and before he could do anything, it blew up as soon as it hit him. Jonathan stood there with a dumb look on his face before falling over.

"Prinnies explode when you throw them, by the way, I'll be needing workman's compensation for that just now." Etna said happily, holding out her hand towards Alucard. He groaned before replying.

"...Yes, I assume that...prinny...will need the extra money." he said as he wrote another check and placing it in Etna's hand.

"Oh? Not for him, for me! I could have sworn I felt my heart skip a beat just now!" She said happily, while Alucard just facepalmed. While this was going on the doors and windows were being fixed, as well as elevators being installed by the little prinnies. While Charlotte was crying a little for hurting such a cute little thing and Jonathan was trying to regain consciousness, Soma got an evil grin on his face.

"Hey, Richter..." He said, picking up an unsuspecting prinny.

"Yeah?"

"Think fast!" Soma shouted as he threw the prinny at Richter. Just like before, it exploded as soon as it hit him. Richter, not saying anything, picked up another nearby prinny and tossed it at Soma. Soma ducked out of the way and the flying prinny landed in the space between Maria and Shanoa. The two girls glared evilly at the two guys, then found prinnies of their own. Jonathan, having just recovered from his run in with the explosion, had just one thing to say.

"PRINNY WAR!" He shouted as he threw one of the poor defenseless birds at Leon. Pretty soon there were prinnies running for their lives, and the ones that didn't get away were being thrown around the room. Nathan and Simon, who decided to loosen up just this one time, built a fort out of some rubble and tossed prinnies over trench warfare style.

"RUN FOR IT DOOD!"

"I gotcha now, that's for earlier, Charlotte!"

"Get back here, Richter!"

"I said I was sorry, Shanoa!" Everyone was acting ridiculous, except for Alucard. While this was going on he felt like he wanted to cry. For every time there was an explosion, he wrote another check and put it in Etna's hands. Etna, obviously, had no problem with this. And so this continued for the rest of the day, eventually Alucard kicked everyone out so that the construction could get done and he wouldn't go broke  
>(Much to Etna's chagrin).<p>

"Man, that was kind of fun..." Nathan laughed.

"No kidding! I'm surprised we got away with that for as long as we did!" Leon replied, trying to fix his hair.

"It's almost worth having to redecorate the place next time." Juste added, actually laughing for once. The three were soon joined by Charlotte, Jonathan and Shanoa, who were also near falling over from the day's events. The only one who wasn't in high spirits was Soma, Simon reminded him of his upcoming trial after the little game they all played, which killed his mood.

"Maybe Mina will get me off of the hook...I really don't wanna ask her though...I'm supposed to be providing for her, not the other way around!" He sniffled before going on ahead. Nathan and Jonathan looked at each other before falling over in laughter.

* * *

><p>LordAce: And so another day in the life of our favorite characters comes to a close.<p>

Nathan: Alucard was PISSED, dood that was mean.

LordAce: Did you just say 'Dood?'

Nathan: It's catchy!

LordAce: Yes it is, anyway that was our first three reviews, if yours was not answered this week I'll get to it next week no problem. I go in order. Thanks go out to Foretoldlegends, No name, and Reinhart77 (You reviewed my last story! Glad you're enjoying this one too! XD) for leaving reviews and thanks to everyone who is reading this silly thing so far.

Nathan: We seriously had way too much fun today.

LordAce: On a side note, did you ever get the toilet paper out of your pants?

Nathan: I'm keeping it in there just in case, the belt is NOT to be taken lightly!

LordAce: True enough.


	3. Chapter 3

LordAce: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another exciting and hopefully hilarious episode of C.B.P.C.!

Nathan: What's got you so happy?

LordAce: Well it just occurred to me that people are actually reading this, I'm not exactly short on reviews, know what I mean?

Nathan: True...I feel weird, like happy almost.

LordAce: That's the feeling of recognition, my friend. You have fans now!

Nathan:...I like this feeling, do you think they like Yu-Gi-Oh! Too?

LordAce: Probably, it's a fun game, anyway let's get on with the show!

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><p>The strong, the weak, and the addicted? (wait, what?)<p>

Nathan found himself in the newly installed elevator with Juste, one of the more punctual members of their club. Despite this, the two were VERY late to the meeting. This was nothing new for Nathan, he was always last to show up, but Juste was practically beside himself with guilt.

"This is not good, I know I'm late when I show up the same time as YOU!" He cried, banging his head against the elevator door. Nathan, taking his attention away from his phone for a second, tried to comfort him.

"Take it easy! With this elevator we'll make it, remember? We don't have to go through the freaking clock tower anymore, so that'll shave about 3 hours on our commute! See? Look, we're going through it now." Nathan said happily, closing the page on his phone about the new xbox 1440, the upgraded version for the xbox 720. He pointed out of the glass viewing screen that Alucard decided to have installed. Juste and Nathan stared out of the screen with joy on their faces, apparently without anyone to hit and turn to stone, the medusa heads were aimlessly flying around and occasionally bumping into each other. This resulted in a few of them turning to stone and falling into the spike pits, which resulted in their deaths...stupid things.

"I guess this is pretty nice." Juste said, trying not to fall over laughing at the monster's display. Nathan took the chance to make funny faces out of the glass at the monsters, knowing that he couldn't be harmed. Then he turned his attention back to his fellow vampire hunter.

"By the way; where did you learn to break dance like that?" He asked. Juste didn't respond, however, he pointed to something out of the viewing screen. Nathan turned around to see a rather large medusa head headed straight towards them.

"Oh crap!" Nathan shouted before falling on his behind (and Juste's foot, it's an elevator, how much room do you think they had?) The medusa head hit the viewing screen with a loud 'thud!' and fell to the ground.

"That...was close..." Nathan sighed.

"Is that a crack?" Juste asked, checking out a huge crack on the screen. Nathan shuddered before speaking.

"Vice president is going to be pissed..." He sighed, then Juste put his hand on Nathan's shoulder.

"If he asks, it was there when we got there, got it?" He asked, to which Nathan was all too happy to oblige with. Once the two left the elevator they broke out into a dash towards the meeting room doors, trying to make it on time.

"Ground slide, now!" Juste yelled, and the two did just that. They slid onto the room right as it hit time for the meeting to start. Simon was impressed with the two, to say the least.

"Right on time, have you two considered trying out for major league baseball?" He asked.

"I'm sure everyone else is impressed but...Juste, Nathan? Those skid marks on the floor are coming out of your pockets." Alucard said, hand already on his forehead. Juste and Nathan looked behind them to see two skid marks on the marble floor, actually smoking a little.

"Crap..." They both sighed before taking their seats. When Nathan sat down he noticed Soma was in a particularly good mood, he could tell because Soma was grinning like an idiot.

"What's with you? Last time I saw you you were dreading that trial of yours?" Nathan asked. Soma, still grinning, happily stood up.

"Oh that's over and done with! And it didn't cost any of us a dime!" He said. Nathan, needless to say, was shocked.

"Wait...you're not gonna tell me you WON that case?" He asked, feeling a little bad about hoping that his friend was found guilty.

"Oh no, I lost big time, never hire Grossberg. Another word about his hemorrhoids and I would have killed him myself. Anyway I got sentenced to pay each damaged party one million dollars each." Soma said happily, even humming a tune to himself.

"T-then why are you so happy?"

"Mina paid for it!" Nathan nearly fell out of his seat.

"Ok, where did she get that kind of money?" He asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"Didn't I tell you guys? Mr. Hakuba won the lottery! And Mina paid off my debt as long as I promised not to do anything like that ever again!" Everyone stared at Soma, but weren't really concerned with him at the moment. A shrine priest playing the lottery? They were all pretty sure that the bible said not to gamble, at least they think so, they didn't actually bother to read it.

(A/N: I apologize to any and all devout followers of the bible and Christianity, it's just a joke. I, myself, am a proud Christian, so please don't blow up my inbox about me going to hell or anything. I also would rather not have anyone tripping saying 'wow, you believe that crap?' I'm not trying to start any religious debates. Just trying to make people laugh here, let's just have fun, okay?)

While everyone was still wondering how the heck Mr. Hakuba managed to hit the lotto, Soma sat back down and began rocking back and forth in his chair like a little kid, he was even kicking his feet.

"I love Mina, she's good to me. And she's so nice and cute! She's smart, funny, she smells good, and she's so much prettier than Charlotte." When she heard this, Charlotte smacked Soma with a REALLY big book, knocking him out. Jonathan sighed but then smiled.

"At least it wasn't me this time." He said, picking up Soma and trying to sit him in his chair so he wouldn't fall over.

"Why would he say that when she's sitting right next to him?" Richter asked out loud, everyone else just shrugged before Simon cleared his throat. Apparently when Simon makes any sort of noise it means shut up and pay attention.

"What? I needed to clear my throat? Well, since you are all quiet now, it's time to start today's meeting, vice president?" Simon said, and almost on cue, Alucard picked up a few letters that would soon become the days topics.

"Our first topics come from VladCT, Nathan?" Alucard asked suddenly, Nathan gulped, he was really hoping that he wouldn't become the next club member to go to court...though he didn't recall doing anything that would warrant such a situation

"Yes?"

"VladCT asks how come neither you nor Hugh filed for child abuse?" Everyone burst out laughing, even Alucard and Shanoa, as they thought back to Hugh crying like a little bitch when his behind got reacquainted with Morris' belt. Then Nathan got a confused look on his face.

"Wait, what's child abuse anyway?" He asked. Soma, recovering from head trauma, started to explain after shooting Charlotte a dirty look.

"Child abuse is something rich people invented so that everyone else's kids would turn out as bad as theirs." He explained, holding his head.

"What's the point of that?" Trevor asked.

"I guess it's so that the rich parents won't feel as bad about their own kids." Charlotte answered.

Suddenly the action turns to a newsroom somewhere far away.

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><p>"We interrupt your regularly scheduled fanfic for a special news bulletin." A background voice said before two news anchors appeared on screen.<p>

"Welcome, it's time for the news! I'm Axel, the dark hero! And this is my broadcast partner, Pleinair!" Axel shouted happily while Pleinair rolled her eyes.

"Today we have received footage from the C.B.P.C., courtesy of a few hidden cameras from Netherworld Construction and it's owner, Beauty Queen Etna. Today the group discussed a red button topic for Earthlings. Apparently, the aristocratic humans look down upon those who hit and 'abuse' their children." Axel explained while sarcastically emphasizing the word 'abuse'.

"In any case we have been paid a rather large amount of money to announce that child abuse is wrong, but not disciplining children at all is wrong too." He added. Suddenly a picture of a demon kid over the lap of his parent getting hit in the behind with a paddle appeared on screen with the slogan 'Stop being so damn soft, humans!' under the picture.

"While the humans think that being nice and caring to kids is the way to go, we demons obviously think otherwise. Actually, we think that this 'Child abuse' idea is the best thing to come from aristocratic humans since slav-" Suddenly Pleiniar covered Axel's mouth with her hand.

"Pleiniar? What gives?" He asked once she moved her hand away. Pleiniar didn't say anything but the look in her eyes said two things. The first was that Axel was SERIOUSLY about to go too far, and the second was that if Axel complained at all he was going to meet a very slow and painful end. Axel gulped before getting back to the report.

"Well that's it for that story, next up we have special guest named Asagi. She claims she's come to kill the dark...hero...Axel? Wait...what?" He choked out. Pleinair smiled and closed her eyes before the screen cut to black.

"Now back to our regularly scheduled program."

* * *

><p>"Our next question is from the same person, VladCT wants to know why Soma keeps getting special treatment in Harmony of Despair while the rest of us are somewhat underpowered." Alucard stated, and suddenly the whole HD cast glared at Soma, while he just laughed and laughed.<p>

"Oh let's see...I'm the reincarnation of Dracula for one thing." He began.

'And yet my father is still around, charging us rent' Alucard thought to himself.

"I've got the power of dominance." Soma added, no one could really argue with that one, so they let him continue.

"I'm good looking, especially with my pimp coat!" Soma added, to which everyone started to groan. Everyone could tell he was just bullshitting at this point. Suddenly Maria raised her hand.

"What ever happened to that pimp coat anyway?" She asked, then Soma started to cry a little.

"Mina burnt it...she said it sent out the wrong message about our relationship..." He sighed, and while everyone else was wondering what kind of message Soma was talking about, Alucard began with his own explanation.

"The real reason is that Soma is the only one of us who still trains on a regular basis. You see, the rest of us have certain...handicaps. I myself have a bad habit of oversleeping for centuries." Alucard admitted.

"I'm getting a bit too old for this stuff..." Julius added, holding his back.

"Me too, actually..." Simon admitted, taking a few painkillers for his arthritis.

"I shouldn't be at the fast food restaurants all of the time with Richter." Jonathan and Richter hung their heads in shame. Maria sighed, but didn't say anything. Shanoa just shrugged, not really caring.

"I have better things to do, like reading!" Charlotte exclaimed, but then shrunk down into her seat.

"I have a message from Yoko and Getsu Fuma, they say they're just happy to get screentime." Alucard said with a bored look on his face. Then he picked up another letter.

"Ironically this brings us to our next subject, Satanic Park Of Madness asks how come HD uses the child version of Maria instead of the adult Maria...I can handle this one." Alucard said before turning everyone's attention to a projected screen which no one questioned where it came from despite the fact they had never seen it before. On the screen were the two Maria's, the child one and the adult one. As you can see..." He began, pulling out a pointer and pointing it at the child Maria.

"This Maria is what people call 'adorable' note the cute dress and the little ribbons in her hair. With all of this pink she is the very definition of 'cute and lovable', now we come to today's Maria." He explained before pointing at the older Maria.

"While she has matured she clearly lost what made her so lovable in Rondo of Blood, not to mention she is somewhat boring. You see, Maria wasn't a very interesting person to begin with, but when she was a child she had the whole 'a little kid is trapped in a demonic castle' thing going for her. In short, Maria is one of those people who people see her as a kid, compliment her on how cute she was, then ask 'what happened?'" He concluded, turning off the screen and putting away his pointer. He didn't notice everyone back away from him except for Maria, who had turned a fiery red in anger.

"You...are...a...dead man...Alucard..." She mouthed before, surprisingly, taking her seat again. Once everyone figured it was safe again, they all took their seats again. Alucard, not noticing what just happened, turned back to the letter.

"Trevor, this one is yours." Trevor sat up in shock, he wasn't expecting anyone to write about him.

"The same writer asks why Hector isn't here, and if you two are friends or not?...come to think of it, you never talk about him, why is that?" Trevor began banging his head against the table.

"I hate that guy so much...!" He grumbled, and before anyone else could say anything, the doors opened to reveal...you guessed it...Hector.

"TREVOR BELMONT!" He shouted in a condescending voice.

"Oh God..." Trevor moaned. Hector waltzed, yes, waltzed over to Trevor and slapped him on the back...hard.

"Son of a!" Trevor shouted, jumping up from his seat.

'I get it...he's an asshole' Everyone thought. Trevor noticed the looks on their faces, then began to explain what they were seeing.

"Don't get the wrong idea, he wasn't always like this...you see..." Trevor began before Hector shoved him away for some reason.

"Cocaine is a hell of a drug!" He said nonchalantly, and from seemingly out of nowhere, a studio audience was cracking up. Everyone looked around, trying to find the source of the laughter, but soon gave up.

"Yeah...see he was hanging around someone named Rick James for a while." Trevor explained.

"Trevor!" Hector shouted again.

"Yeah...?" Trevor asked, praying that someone would just stop this foolishness already.

"There's a new joke going around, have you heard it?...What did the five fingers say to the face?" Hector asked, Trevor only stared at him with a confused look on his face.

"SLAP!" Again, the studio audience laughed and went 'AWW!' Everyone looked around again, trying to find them again.

"When I find them they are going to regret coming here..."Alucard muttered, which no one heard because the audience was laughing too hard.

"Cold blooded...I'm Hector bitch! Everyone! Issac ain't got shit on me!"

"I think this answers if Trevor and Hector are friends..." Nathan muttered, which somehow, the others heard over the laughter of the audience.

"Seriously, I feel bad for Trevor, but he is a main character...does that mean we have to let him in the club?" Jonathan asked, looking at Simon as if to say 'please don't let this guy in here!' Simon sighed before walking over to Hector.

"Hector...would you like to join our club? It's for the main characters of Castlevania games." He asked, which got everyone else to groan and complain loudly.

"Has the milk gone bad? Hell yeah, I want in!" Hector replied, pointing at Shanoa's breasts. Everyone went dead silent, the only sound that could be heard was Shanoa cracking her knuckles.

"Err, before a fight breaks out, the next question comes from Gin Devil." Alucard sighed, signaling for everyone to pay attention.

"Gin Devil asks who is the weakest member of our club? Oh God..." He sighed as he watched everyone point off at random members of the club, getting the recipients of said points angry. Before an all out brawl could break out Nathan broke the tension.

"Wait, why are like 5 of us pointing at Richter?" He asked, getting Richter to look around in anger.

"Why ARE 5 of you pointing at me?" He asked angrily. Maria, being the main one to point at him, answered.

"Because your dumbass went BACK into Castlevania! Do you realize how much trouble that caused?" She asked, Richter began to whine a little bit.

"I was tricked! You know that!" He complained.

"How do you get tricked by the ghost of the guy you killed?" Nathan asked, shaking his head.

"He said he had candy!" Richter replied, and suddenly a beeping could be heard from Charlotte's pocket. She pulled out a strange device that had a flashing 10 on it's screen.

"So it's a ten out of ten, impressive." She said while everyone else looked at her, trying to figure out what that thing was.

"It's a new device I made for our club, it's called the 'Richter Retard Rater', every time Richter says something even remotely stupid, this device will rate the idiocy of it on a scale of one too ten, ten being the highest. As you can see, that little outburst earned him a perfect ten." She explained. While everyone else was laughing and Richter was crying, Charlotte continued.

"Don't worry, Richter, I made one for everyone else too, they're just at home right now. I wanted to test this one out before bringing the others in. I'm pretty sure Alucard and SOMA..." She glared at Soma for his earlier remark.

"...would have gotten perfect tens as well, I'll bring them in next week." She conculded.

'Why would I get a perfect ten?' Alucard thought to himself.

"However that does not prove Richter is the weakest, just the dumbest." Trevor pointed out.

"Hey! What about YOU, Trevor? I say YOU'RE the weakest! You needed the help of three other people to get through Castlevania, the rest of us only needed one or two, if anyone else at all!" Richter retaliated, getting Trevor to sweatdrop.

"He has a point..." Maria muttered.

"I never thought of it that way." Jonathan said out loud.

"Did we mention that I kicked his ass regularly?" Hector asked loudly. Everyone then nodded simultaneously.

"That settles it, Trevor is the weakest link." Simon announced, as if getting your ass kicked by Hector was the worst thing that could happen to you. Trevor didn't reply, instead he hung his head in shame.

"I really hate Hector..." He muttered under his breath.

"I think that was the last one for today." Alucard said out loud, putting away the fanmail.

"Okay, we'll see you all next week." Simon announced, and soon everyone piled out of the room and towards the elevator. Alucard was the first to reach it, and gasped when he saw that the glass screen had completely shattered.

"Who is responsible for this?" He asked. Everyone shrugged, except for Juste and Nathan, who were starting to look very guilty.

"Probably whoever was the last one to use it, what's the big deal anyway?" Maria asked.

"Because this elevator was the only thing separating us from the medusa heads! Now we still have to fight our way out until I can get this fixed!" Alucard shouted, suddenly everyone got dark looks on their faces.

Juste and Nathan backed up, knowing that if they stuck around it wouldn't end well for them.

"NATHAN! JUSTE!" Everyone shouted, chasing after the two hunters.

"It's your fault for making faces at them!" Juste yelled at Nathan, jumping over a fireball Alucard shot at them.

"It's Alucard's fault for cheaping out on the materials!" Nathan replied, ducking under a few lightning bolts, courtesy of Soma.

* * *

><p>LordAce: That's all the time we have for this week, I'm glad everyone's getting along so well.<p>

Nathan: Dude! I almost died back there!

LordAce: Relax, just be thankful Juste tripped and you were able to slip away.

Nathan: True...sorry Juste...

LordAce: Anyway thanks to VladCT, Satanic Park Of Madness, and Gin devil for the reviews. I would like to take this chance to apologize to any Hector fans out there, to be honest; I didn't play the game he was in so I kinda had to mess with his character for this one. Honestly, I forgot he even existed, my fault. On a plus side, to any Axel fans out there, Asagi did not kill him. He's recovering in a hospital and Usagi took his old seat back at the news studio. Charlotte's inventions will make their debut next week so feel free to ask as many silly questions as you like! Read and Review!

Nathan: I hope Alucard and the others aren't still pissed next week...


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **LordAce: Okay, I know I said I was only gonna do one of these but I just wanna make sure I don't get in trouble somehow, so I don't own Castlevania, I don't own any other video game characters or other people in general that make an appearance in this story. Okay? Chill Edgeworth...

Nathan: Since when do you take disclaimers seriously?

LordAce: Meh, just wanted to cover all of my bases, anyway I have a few announcements to make.

Nathan: (please don't cut my pay, please don't cut my pay...)

LordAce: Number one; after watching a few fire emblem hacks on youtube I decided to make my own, hopefully folks will like it.

Nathan: Really? That's gonna take a while...

LordAce: Right, and I'm pretty gonna be using most of next week trying to figure out the basics. But it will be a fun little project to work on and hopefully people will enjoy it. Plus I'll be using OC's from my Rebirth of Sorrow story (albeit with a few appearance changes) as well as my tales of the world games on my PSP, so it'll help put faces to the characters I write about (to anyone who cares anyway).

Nathan: Okay, anything else?

LordAce: One other thing before we get on with the story; I didn't actually realize people were reading the soul guide for dummies. I guess after I finished the main story I stopped uploading the chapters for that too, so my bad. I am gonna start uploading chapters for that again, and I really don't have an excuse for not updating it either, so I apologize to anyone waiting on a new chapter cuz I DO have ideas, I just got wrapped up in this story. I got other things to say but that'll wait until the end of the chapter. See, Nathan here fell asleep during my oh-so-sincere announcement so I guess that's my cue to shut up and get on with the show, enjoy!

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><p>We've got quite a few things to address today<p>

Nathan found himself in the elevator, once again, with Juste. But today wasn't as lighthearted as the last time they were together, see, Juste wasn't too happy about Nathan leaving him in the dust after last weeks incident. Juste had a funny way of letting someone know he was mad at them, he would just glare at them...not saying anything, just glaring. Nathan, needless to say, was getting a little freaked out.

"I said I was sorry! Look, you were the one who tripped over his own whip..." That little response only got Juste to narrow his eyes, which got Nathan to feel like he was shrinking under Juste's gaze. Outside the viewing screen, which Alucard decided to fix himself, Medusa heads were laughing at the little display of cowardice coming from the lesser known hunter. Nathan and Juste, however, did not see this. Alucard's idea of fixing a broken screen was basically putting masking tape over the broken parts. Not the most effective way of repairing something like that,but it got the job done. Anyway, this prevented either man from seeing the monsters laugh at them.

"Can you at least blink or something? I feel like a statue is staring at me and I don't like it!" Nathan shouted, feeling like he was losing it. Juste did not relent his gaze though, and that's when Nathan decided to just shut up and turn away, he still felt Juste's eyes drilling into the back of his skull but as long as he didn't look at him it was okay. Eventually the two came to the meeting room, a few of the members were going to say something about Nathan being on time again, but after watching Nathan shrink into his seat in relief after Juste finally turned his attention to something else, they cut him some slack. A few of the others were still missing, so there was a bit of time to hang before the actual meeting started.

"Where were you last week, Leon?" Alucard asked, though he was pretty sure where Leon was last week after noticing the trash can full of used tissues next to said Belmont.

"-sniff- I caught a little bug...I'm okay now though, this dayquil stuff is working -ah-choo!-" Leon sneezed out under his blanket, which for some reason, was adorned with pictures of Snoopy from Charlie Brown (C'mon, who doesn't love Snoopy?)

"Well it's good to see you again, but could you avoid breathing in my direction? I don't want to catch what you have..." Trevor said, moving his chair away from Leon.

"You sure you're okay? I mean, the last time someone you knew got sick, their fiancee turned into Dracula. Ha ha ha!" Hector joked, which got everyone to groan and complain. Leon, not knowing who this guy was, had a puzzled look on his face.

"Who is this guy?" He asked before sneezing right in Maria's direction.

"Leon! Gross!" She shouted before Trevor answered Leon's question.

"He's-"

"I'm the baddest mother f***er of all time, best singing and best looking mother f***er you've ever seen, hold my drink, bitch." I mean, Hector answered Leon's question. He held out a cup of cola and rum to Charlotte, but before she could smack him over the head, the same studio audience from last week started laughing rather loudly.

"The hell is that coming from?" Soma shouted as he, Richter, and Alucard actually started checking under furniture and inside of cabinets looking for the audience. Eventually, they gave up again, and sat back down. Charlotte sighed and placed Hector's drink on the table, holding back her wrath this time, she had something else on her mind though.

"Jonathan?" She asked her partner.

"What's up?"

"Did you hear those bleeping noises when Hector was talking just now?"

"What about them?"

"Where did they come from?"

"Comedy Central." Charlotte stared at Jonathan, wondering if he knew something she didn't.

"How did you know that?" Jonathan began to stare out into space, looking like he was thinking very hard.

"I'm not sure..." While the two were going back and forth about the God's known as the FCC, Shanoa entered the room bringing an unfamiliar young man with her. Simon, finally waking up from his midday nap, was confused to see this young man. He was a guy of average build, with brown hair which went down to his neck, but didn't cover his face. He was wearing a Guns n' Roses shirt with dark blue jeans and black sneakers. Now while most people would see this guy and think he was normal, in a place like the C.B.P.C., he was pretty out of place.

"Shanoa? Who is this young man?" Simon asked, wiping his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"This is Foretoldlegends, he'll be accompanying me to the meetings from now on." Shanoa stated bluntly, everyone had the urge to start teasing the two, but a glare from Shanoa killed that idea the second it was born.

"Wait a second...Foretoldlegends..." Soma said quietly.

"You can just call me F.T.L., it'll be quicker." F.T.L. Suggested bluntly, everyone looked at him with the same thought in their head. 'Aw hell another scary person...' Meanwhile, in Soma's head (past the photos of Mina and...more Mina), a hamster was running like his little life depended on it.

"YOU'RE THE GUY WHO BLACKMAILED ME!" Soma shouted, his face turning red. F.T.L. Shrugged, not even paying Soma any mind.

"Do you have any idea how much money that cost me?" Soma added, trying not to pass out from yelling so much.

"I thought Mina paid that off?" Alucard asked, not really caring, he was looking over some papers with a concerned look on his face.

"Details! You are so going to pay..." Soma said darkly, but before he could zap the newcomer, F.T.L. Pulled a katana from seemingly nowhere, and pointed it at Soma.

"The hell?" Nathan asked, but really didn't expect an answer.

"He's got a few...'issues'..." Shanoa explained, backing up. Everyone looked at her in shock, any time Shanoa showed even an INKLING of worry, it was time to back up.

"Hold! And could you please tell us what you're doing here?" Simon, finally losing his patience, stood between the two.

"I lost a bet to Shanoa, so I'm stuck coming here from now on." F.T.L. Explained quickly. Jonathan began to laugh uncontrollably, getting an elbow in the ribs from Charlotte.

"What, did you two bet on who could keep a straight face the longest?" When both of them glared at him he began to shrink back.

"You're shitting me..." He added before a beeping came from Charlotte's pocket.

"7 out of ten, that's not as bad as Richter, but still pretty sad." She stated, looking at a device similar to the one from last week.

"What's that one called?" Juste asked, finally saying SOMETHING.

"It's called the Jonathan Jackass Judge." Charlotte replied, getting Jonathan to go fetal position and start crying.

"Huh, the rating went from a 7 to a 9." She added, which got him to cry even louder.

"Jonathan aside, what makes you think you can stay here? This is a club for Castlevania protagonists only." Simon asked, F.T.L. Pulled out a piece of paper that read 'Contract' at the top.

"Ask Alucard." He stated, finally putting away his weapon.

"Uh.." The dhampir choked out, remembering how Shanoa cornered him the day before and made him sign said contract, allowing the young man to come to the meetings.

"It was either this or be forced to audition for the latest 'twilight' movie!" Alucard shouted before turning into a bat and flying into a dark corner, everyone could hear little bat sobs coming from said corner.

"Poor vice president..." Nathan sighed.

"That's just cruel, Shanoa." Leon coughed out, almost letting the thermometer fall from under his tongue.

"For future reference, I am evoking a new rule; no threats involving the 'T' word to other members." Simon stated while Julius tried to get Alucard to come down so they could start the meeting.

"There there, no one's gonna make you try out for the T word, Shanoa was just kidding, wasn't she?" Julius said, trying to comfort Alucard. He turned his attention to Shanoa, who only scoffed and turned away. After giving the dhampir a stuffed puppy, he finally calmed down long enough to address one of the papers he was looking at.

"Apparently, if we don't hire some help or something, we will need to start paying higher taxes. I'm not quite sure what this means, but I have taken the liberty of placing an ad in the local newspaper for a priest. F.T.L?" The newcomer looked up.

"Since you're not actually involved in Castlevania at all, we will ask you to interview anyone we decide to let in, will you do this?"

"In exchange, I wish to be known as an honorary member as well as open up a suggestion box for events we could plan."

"Agreed, now the first applicant shall be coming later on today, I'll let you know when he gets here. Now, onto today's topics;...F.T.L? You wanted to know why Jonathan's father isn't here?"

"Why isn't he here? Jonathan? You were the one who made sure all of the invites got out, did your father get his?" Juste asked. Jonathan, turning red, only turned away.

"We'll take that as a 'no', luckily, I have his cell phone number. One moment please." Alucard stated bluntly as he dialed a number on his phone. While he was doing this, Jonathan tried to jump Alucard and get the phone away from him, but couldn't as Soma, Charlotte, and Hector hold him down.

"No, we CAN'T let him in here, seriously guys!" He shouted, Alucard didn't even notice the poor young man's efforts.

"Hello, Mr. Morris? Yes, this is Alucard of the C.B.P.C. Did you ever get your invitation to join?...Yes, Jonathan was supposed to...I see...very well, we await your arrival..." When Alucard said that Jonathan damn near fainted.

"Your father will be here momentarily, in 5...4...3...2...1" Alucard began to count down like he was waiting on a space shuttle launch, and when he got down to one, John Morris came through the door.

"Thank you for sending me that convenient warp spell, I brought along a few things that I thought it would be nice for everyone to see." He explained, holding a binder of some sort.

"No. Dad, shut up." Jonathan panicked when he saw the binder. It had 'Jonathan's baby photos' written on it.

"So these are pictures of my boy when he was little. This first one is when he was learning how to swim. Look at the little water wings!" John Sr. explained, pointing at a picture of Jonathan crying in a kiddie pool.

"No way..." Charlotte whispered, trying not to fall over laughing. Despite knowing Jonathan nearly her whole life, she never saw anything of this nature.

"Oh...my...God..." Maria muttered, snickering. Shanoa didn't say anything, but she did crack a smile when she saw the photo. While the girls were staring at the photo, the guys were teasing their fellow hunter.

"Aww, wook at the wittle guy..." Nathan teased. Soma started pinching Jonathan's cheeks while making stupid baby noises.

"Aww, he's blushing..." Juste muttered, joining in on the teasing. Leon tried laughing, but instead started another coughing fit. Alucard sighed, finally realizing why Jonathan did not want his father around in the club, but it was too late now.

"Sorry Jonathan..." He muttered before going back to his papers.

After everyone was done teasing Jonathan and his father was done fueling said embarrassment, Alucard brought everyone's attention to the next fan question.

"Satanic Park Of Madness asks why I wasn't in curse of darkness, seeing as it was three after my first appearance...oh, I have to answer this one?" Alucard muttered, looking like he was hiding something.

"C'mon vice pres...answer the question..." F.T.L. Egged the dhampir on. While Alucard cleared this throat, everyone stared at him intently.

"You see I was...umm...well seeing as how I needed to sleep...I hired someone to come and..." Alucard began to explain hesitantly.

"And...?" Everyone asked collectively.

"...and read me a bedtime story..." He finished, going back to his stuffed puppy, trying to hold back tears. Everyone had those blank anime stares on their faces, not quite sure what to make of what they just heard.

"...A bedtime story...?" Trevor asked.

"THAT'S why I couldn't get a hold of you?" The Belmont was clearly getting upset.

"Do you have any idea how much help you would have been?"

"It worked out in the end!"

"That doesn't matter, Alucard!" The banter went back and forth for a while, but no one else was really paying attention. Simon, realizing that his vice president wasn't going to be done anytime soon, picked up the next letter.

"VladCT wants to know why Richter doesn't use his new flashy jacket in the newer entries." He said bluntly. Everyone stared at Richter, they thought it was odd too that he would own such a nice piece of clothing yet never actually wear it in combat.

"Why would I wear it in battle?" He asked.

"It's for the fans, man!" Soma suddenly shouted.

"Plus your older clothes are well...older..." Maria pointed out. Richter sighed before putting on a pair of glasses and blowing bubbles out of a pipe, neither of which anyone knew where he got them.

"You see, my older clothing is primarily used for fighting anyway, however this jacket is, as Soma pointed out, for the fans." Richter said in an intelligent manner.

"However, I only have one of these jackets, and I would rather not have it damaged in anyway whatsoever. This is the jacket I use for photo shoots, public appearances, and the occasional movie opening viewings." He added, getting everyone's jaws to drop.

"You get invited to movie openings?" Nathan asked.

"I don't think that's the issue here right now..." Jonathan sighed.

"Perhaps we should continue before things get too out of hand." Alucard muttered, finally stepping away from Trevor. Trevor was holding an ice pack to his head, or specifically a bump on his head.

"On to our next question, Reinhardt Schnider wasn't to know why everyone forgets about...wait a minute, he should have been here a while ago!" Alucard snapped.

"Jonathan! Did you mail out the invite?" F.T.L. Asked, shaking his head.

"Err..." Jonathan muttered as he thought back to when he was sending out the invites, when he was going to send out Schnider's he saw an ice cream truck drive by.

"Ice cream!" He shouted as Schnider's invite flew through the wind.

"For the love of..." Simon groaned before pulling out his own cell phone.

"Reinhardt Shnider? Yes, this is Simon Belmont. Correct, you are being invited to the club...my sincerest apologies...if it makes you feel any better, we'll let you beat up our mail guy. Thank you." He hung up his phone.

"Jonathan, you're not the mail guy anymore, that's two invites you've forgotten so far." He added, glaring at Jonathan, who just sighed and sunk into his seat.

"By the way, F.T.L. The priest applicant is here, could you handle the interview?" Simon asked the newcomer, who nodded and went down to the lobby.

"Why do we need a priest anyway?" Leon asked.

"We need someone to bless Castlevania, there are too many monsters running around and it is interfering with my father's plans." Alucard explained.

"Your father's plans...? Alucard he isn't-" Nathan began to ask but was cut off.

"His plans are nothing like his last, this is also the reason we need to hire people. My father wishes to turn Castlevania into a theme park." Cue the collective blank anime stares, and in 5...4...3...2...1.

"WHAAAAAT?" Everyone shouted at once. Meanwhile F.T.L. Was waiting in the castle lobby for the priest applicant.

"This guy is taking forever..." He muttered after waiting for about half an hour. Eventually a few figures walked towards him. They were probably one of the oddest looking groups he had seen in a while. The one in front was a really tall guy with messy silver hair, a black leather jacket, and leather pants. His jacket was open, revealing his buff form. Basically, this guy was Nathan on steroids. Next to him was a girl with long blue hair and equally blue eyes, she was wearing nothing but a purple tank top with a white loincloth and boots. There was also an old scientist looking guy, who basically looked to be pretty normal. There was another guy who was wearing all white in contrast to the middle guy's black, he had red hair and was smoking a cigarette. The last was a timid looking young boy with green hair and blue eyes, he was wearing a blue jacket with a yellow t shirt under it and white pants. He clung towards the man in the middle with a scared look on his face.

'these guys make the club look normal...' F.T.L. Thought to himself before making himself known to the group.

"Hello? May I ask what you all are doing here?" He asked.

"We're here for the priest position." The old man explained. Everyone was silent for a moment before the blue haired girl shouted at the boy.

"Introduce us already, Yamada!" She yelled at the boy, who almost flipped out out of fright. Once the boy calmed down he began to speak.

"Um, my name is Cruz Schild, she's Eve Neuschwanstein, the man in the white coat is Teruyama Momiji, the scientist is Dr. Gido, and he's Adam Blade." Cruz explained, pointing at the man in the middle.

"He's the one here for the priest position." He added, getting Blade to glare at him.

"Who the hell are you calling a priest, Yamada?" He growled.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Priest!" Cruz shouted.

'What the hell is wrong with these people...?" F.T.L. Thought to himself before speaking up.

"My name is ForetoldLegends, it's nice to meet you." He greeted, Eve looked like she was going for a handshake, but instead pointed at him.

"So I'll call you 'Kurosaki' for short!" She stated gleefully.

'This is gonna be a LONG interview...' F.T.L. Thought to himself.

* * *

><p>LordAce: Damn this chapter took a lot out of me, for anyone wondering Adam Blade and his companions are from a animemanga called 'Needless'. I've been checking it out recently and...damn it's funny.

Nathan: So what were you talking about earlier about other announcements?

LordAce: Well for anyone who checked the reviews will notice someone named Foretolelegends reviewed with a request to be put in the story. Not gonna lie, kinda threw me off a bit. But then again, I thought this could be a cool addition to the story. So after a bit of PM-ing some ideas were settled on. That being said I'd like to publicly announce that this story is in need of OC's...well not in need, but accepting is more like it. For anyone wondering; I actually already know where I'm gonna go with this and I PROMISE you it'll be a riot.

Nathan: Still can't believe that we're making Castlevania a theme park...

LordAce: Take it up with Dracula man, not me. Anyway if you wanna apply for any position in Castlevania please feel free to PM me with character specs like appearance and personality. I'm pretty prompt with replies and as always please leave a review be it good or bad.

Nathan: Sounds like you've got it all figured out.

LordAce: Like I said, this kinda threw me for a loop so I kinda had to toy around with the idea this chapter, my apologies if it seems kinda sloppy. Anyway, now that that's out of the way, lets get on with the thank yous. First off, thanks to ForetoldLegends for your question and your character, hope this was what you wanted. Thanks once again to Satanic Park of Madness for your always detailed and useful reviews. Reviews like that are what help me improve so I really appreciate the feedback.

Nathan: By the way, you mentioned that you liked Yu-Gi-Oh! Too! That's awesome man, Soma and Mina showed me this dueling website called 'dueling ' It's totally free and you can play other people around the world!

LordAce: I checked that site out too, man it's fun, now back to the thank yous. Thanks to VladCT for another review, hope this answered your question of the recycled sprites and thank you to Reinhardt Schnider and an apology for forgetting you. My bad man, actually your game made up a DECENT amount of my childhood so I'm actually kinda mad at myself for forgetting you, you WILL make an appearance. You know what else? Let me go ahead and extend thanks to Crazy Jae and IlOvEnaThAn, even though you didn't leave questions you still took the time to review and in your case, Crazy Jae, following the story. Any and all reviews are appreciated, seriously I'm feeling the love here and it's much appreciated.

Nathan: That everything?

LordAce: Pretty much, thanks again for reading. If you like the story feel free to let me know, if not, feel free to let me know too. You guys rule, you all know the deal. Enjoy the story and stay tuned for the next exciting installment of the C.B.P.C.! Later!


	5. Chapter 5

LordAce: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another exciting installment of the C.B.P.C.

Nathan: And man, do we have a show for you today! Tell em, boss!

LordAce: Well I'm in a particularly creative mood, so we've got plenty of content, and to be specific, jokes galore!

Nathan: How funny do you think this chapter will be?

LordAce: I think it's on par with the chapter with the prinnies, that good...man this announcer crap takes a lot out of you.

Nathan: No kidding.

LordAce:...wanna get on with the show?

Nathan: Yeah, without this show, people might not know who I am anyway...

* * *

><p>How many beatdowns can we fit into one meeting?<p>

Nathan was getting into the habit of showing up on time, so it wasn't much surprise when he had to, once again, share the elevator with Juste. Alucard took the liberty of actually replacing the glass screen, so they could see out of it again. Nathan had to resist the urge to make funny faces again, he could tell Juste was still mad about when Nathan left him in the dust while he made his escape.

"Still mad?" He asked, like he didn't already know the answer.

"What do you think?" Juste responded bluntly, it was an upgrade from him just glaring at Nathan, but he was still pretty scary.

"C'mon, we're game boy advance generation heroes! Can't we get along?" Nathan pleaded with the red clad hunter.

"Such a betrayal will not be forgiven..." Juste responded with a hint of anger in his voice. Nathan sighed before digging through his pockets. He pulled out a gift card he got from a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament and smiled. If this didn't get Juste to warm up, he didn't know what would.

"I've got a $500 gift card for Bed, Bath, and Beyond." He said sing-song like, he barely had time to react when Juste snatched the card from his hands.

"You are my bestest friend ever!" Juste shouted before giving Nathan the biggest bear hug you could imagine.

"W-what about Maxim?" Nathan coughed out, Juste let go before getting a sour look on his face.

"I HATE that guy! He tried to take my girlfriend!" He shouted loud enough for every monster in the clock tower to hear. Medusa heads stopped in midair, ghosts turned in their direction, and bats just hung from perches, looking at the hunters then back at each other as if to say 'what's up with him?'

"I thought he was possessed back then?" Nathan asked.

"Yeah, that's what he would WANT you to think. I figured it out when Lydie told me he was hitting on her soon after we left the castle...possessed my ass. That caused so much trouble! He's worse than Hector!" Juste complained. Nathan thought about it for a while until he came to conclusion that Juste's game was noting more than him trying to get his girl back, kicking Dracula's ass was just a bonus apparently, though he was smart enough to keep this to himself. He just now got back on good terms with Juste, he didn't wanna mess that up again. Juste was able to calm down after a little while and the two eventually came to the meeting room. Already inside were Simon, Soma, Charlotte, Maria (who had a bit of a cough), Shanoa, F.T.L., Hector, Leon, and...Genya Arikado?

"Vice pres? What's up with the costume change?" Nathan asked, everyone was aware Alucard had a job at the Japanese version of the FBI, so seeing Arikado wasn't a real shock to anyone.

"Me and Soma had a mission earlier today at the Hakuba Shrine." Arikado responded, pointing at Soma. Soma was glaring at him like he said Mina was ugly or something, so everyone was wondering why that was.

"Why's he so upset?" Leon asked, apparently no one had heard the story yet.

"HE WAS HITTING ON MINA!" Soma yelled at the top of his lungs, everyone started groaning and complaining, even Hector wasn't amused. To Soma, even saying Mina's name was considered hitting on her, so no one really took his accusation seriously.

"I was not, stop telling everyone that..." Arikado sighed, dropping some aspirin into a cup of water.

"What happened, anyway?" Charlotte asked.

"I'll explain." Arikado responded after downing his cup in one swig.

_Earlier that day..._

"_This is gonna be so much fun!" Soma shouted from the passenger seat of Arikado's Mustang._

"_This isn't a game, Soma,we're going because we have to make sure no spirits were disturbed during the reconstruction of the shrine. Arikado explained. Because Mr. Hakuba won the lottery he decided to fix up the place, and when we say 'fix up' we mean add a whole bunch of useless crap that no shrine really needs, Arikado and Soma were charged with the mission of inspecting the place. One of those useless things was an arcade, which Arikado hoped to dump Soma in while he worked._

"_Mina'll be there, did you know that?" Soma asked all childlike, Arikado groaned, of course he knew she was going to be there, Soma didn't let him forget!_

"_She's so pretty and funny and..." At this point Arikado turned up the car radio, hoping to drown the teenager out. Eventually they arrived at the newly rebuilt Hakuba shrine, the shrine itself remained unharmed, but the buildings surrounding didn't sit well with Arikado. There was an arcade, a restaurant, a movie theater amongst other nonsense. Though he couldn't say anything, his father was planning to rebuild Castlevania and turn it into a theme park._

"_Let's go, Mr. Arikado!" Soma shouted as he ran up the shrine stairs with near super-human speed, Arikado could only watch in awe at how fast the young man could run. He followed at normal speed, so it wasn't much surprise when he got up there Soma was already squeezing the life out of Mina._

"_H-hello, Mr. Arikado!" Mina choked out, Soma forgot he was super strong due to his adventures, so he didn't even stop to think that he might actually be hurting his precious Mina._

"_Hello, Mina, you're looking quite well." Arikado said politely, even adding a smile, which was very unlike him. There was silence for a few seconds before Soma suddenly pounced on Arikado, trying to punch the life out of him._

"_DIE! NO ONE DEGRADES MY MINA LIKE THAT!" He shouted after tackling Arikado to the ground._

"_What are you talking about?" Arikado shouted as he tried to escape Soma and his angry boyfriend tendencies._

"_'You're looking well?' How dare you flirt with her like that!" Soma shouted, and soon the two were going back and forth. If the shrine were open that day, a large crowd would have gathered. Mina sighed and went inside, muttering something about Soma needing therapy and how he was never like this before. She came back out with a spray bottle that she immediately used on Soma. It only sprayed water, but it was enough to get Soma to stop attacking Arikado._

"_Bad Soma! Bad!" She said, clearly annoyed, as she sprayed him. Soma apparently didn't like it, because he backed away as soon as the water hit his face._

"_Sit! Stay..." Mina commanded, and Soma actually sat down and stayed put! She walked over to him and petted him on the head._

"_Good boy, Soma! Now you and I are going to stay here while Mr. Arikado does his job." She said calmly while Arikado got up and brushed himself off._

"_Messed up my hair...thank you, ms. Hakuba." He said, not wanting to make the same mistake twice._

Everyone had blank looks on their faces, Soma was still red with fury and Arikado was rubbing his temples.

"...That's it?" Leon asked.

"Looks like it." Shanoa pointed out. Soma still looked very upset, which was a pain for everyone.

"Here, Soma, maybe this'll cheer you up." F.T.L. Said suddenly, handing Soma a weird headband.

"How is this gonna cheer me up?" Soma asked, skeptical of the young man. Because of him Soma had to go to court (well it was actually his own fault...but whatever).

"It has magical powers, if you put it on the one you care about the most will love you forever.." F.T.L. Explained, and before he finished that sentence, Soma snatched the headband and put it on his head. No one knew if what the young man was saying was true, but they didn't care because Soma was finally in a good mood again. It was a good thing too, as Jonathan's Sr. and Jr. finally showed up, the latter with a look of dread on his face.

"Oh great, another unhappy guy." Maria sighed, she wasn't in a good mood because she had apparently caught Leon's cold from last week, she took some NyQuil and now she was very drowsy.

"Dad, please don't show everyone...whatever you have in that box." Jonathan moaned and pleaded with his father, who only smiled before placing the box on the table.

"What is this stuff anyway?" Simon inquired while Charlotte started giggling to herself.

"What is it?" Nathan asked her.

"You'll see, just watch..." She replied, trying not to catch Jonathan's attention.

"This box is full of Jonathan's kiddie toys!" Jonathan Sr. said happily, much to his son's chagrin. He began to pull random things out of the box, telling the story behind each of them.

"This was his favorite hot wheels car, look Jonathan! It still has the stickers you put on it!" John Sr. said gleefully while his son turned a shade of red that was similar to his coat. Everyone else began snickering to themselves, except for Hector, who was full blown laughing. Apparently, even his laugh was hilarious, because the studio audience began laughing as well. No one bothered to look for the source for the laughter this time, they figured one they remodel they'll go away.

"Dad...please stop..." Jonathan begged before his father went through the box and found something else, something no one expected.

-WARNING! JONATHAN IS ABOUT TO LOSE SOME BADASS POINTS, IF YOU ARE A HARDCORE FAN OF HIS, PLEASE TURN AWAY NOW!-

"Remember this, son?" John Sr. asked, holding out a stuffed Charmander doll with tape around the tail. Jonathan went from red to...happy?

"Chippy the Charmander!" He shouted as he snatched his doll away from his dad and began hugging it like crazy.

"I thought you were gone forever! Where'd you find him?" He asked while his dad patted him on the head.

"He was sitting all by himself in the closet behind your old clothes. Aren't you happy to see him?" John Sr. asked.

"You know it! Aww, Chippy, I'll never let you leave my sight again!" Jonathan shouted, holding back tears of joy. While this heartwarming reunion between pokemon(?) and human was going on, everyone was staring at Jonathan like he was insane. In particular, Charlotte was recording every second via her cell phone.

"This is the best thing I've ever seen..." She muttered, Nathan and Hector noticed her doing this, so Nathan did what any good friend would do if someone were recording him doing something stupid.

"...You're gonna send that to me, right?" Nathan asked.

"Oh yeah."

"Let me get that too!" Hector added loudly, but not so loud that Jonathan heard him.

"I'll send it to you guys later." Charlotte stated, she herself planned on uploading it to youtube, so everyone would see it sooner or later.

"Can we start with the meeting already?" Simon asked everyone, so everyone sat down and got themselves ready to get down to business.

"Before we begin, I have another postcard from my father." Arikado stated, pulling out a postcard decorated with a casino of some sorts.

"What's it say?" Juste asked.

"Well he says he will give us a break on rent, he no longer has to pay Death for his services." Arikado replied, reading the card over, then sighed to himself like he got some news he wasn't expecting to hear.

"What?" John Sr. asked.

"Apparently Death quit." Everyone went wide-eyed.

"He quit?" Julius asked, just arriving at that moment along with Trevor.

"It would seem my father lost the crimson stone in a poker game."

"..." No one dared say anything, everyone was aware that the only reason Death was working for Dracula was because of the crimson stone, but how could Dracula lose something important as that in a poker game?

"After losing the crimson stone to Death himself, Death clocked him in the face and stormed out, yelling something about living is afterlife long dream of opening a school." Arikado explained, remembering Death mentioning it a few times in the past. (-cough cough- soul eater -cough cough-)

"Umm, that's...just wow." Simon said, clearly at a loss for words. He cleared his throat and got back to his original thought.

"In any case we seriously have work to do, let's get started on these letters as they are beginning to pile up again." He added, finally getting to the reason everyone was there.

"Guess we're gonna do a lightning round before something else happens?" Nathan thought out loud.

"Guess so." Juste responded.

"First letter; VladCT wants to know where Trevor learned all of his kung-fu moves...wait, kung-fu? What is that?" Simon asked.

"Have you ever seen a Jet Lee flick?" Maria asked.

"...what's a flick?" Simon asked again. Despite not being (chronologically) the oldest Belmont, he was the oldest in terms of not knowing anything about any technology. Leon came from a much earlier time period, and he was still able to actually use most of the things they had in Soma's time period no problem.

"This is gonna take WAY too long to explain, so I'll skip it and answer the question. After defeating Dracula along with Alucard here-"

"Arikado." Arikado interrupted.

"...Arikado and the others, me and Sypha traveled for a little while. We eventually met a young monk named Liu Kang. His fighting style was so interesting, so I asked if he could train me. He agreed and we soon went back to our homeland...and I believe Hector knows the rest." Trevor explained before turning to his friend(?).

"Don't you think Trevor's a little old to be taking karate? He's probably taking it with the little kids." Hector heckled, getting the audience to laugh uncontrollably again.

"I will kick the crap out of you one of these days, Hector." Trevor muttered.

"What, you're gonna try to smack me? I'm Hector, you're just Trevor Belmont. Don't make me go upside your head." Hector taunted before getting a brilliant idea. Trevor hung his jacket on his chair due to the hot weather, so Hector picked it up, threw it on the ground, and began jumping on it.

"F**k your coat, Belmont...buy another one, you rich mother f**ker! F**k your coat, Belmont, f**k your coat!" The audience was roaring at this point, they couldn't contain their laughter...and neither could Trevor's so called friends. Never in their lives have they seen such blatant disrespect. Stomping on a man's jacket, simply because he could buy another one? Golden.

"Holy shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!" Nathan, Juste, Soma, and Jonathan began chanting in between their laughter. Jonathan was also making Chippy the Charmander pump his claw as well, which only added to everyone's laughter...even Arikado and Simon couldn't contain themselves for long. Charlotte didn't notice the Hilarious Hector Heckler (Triple H, go figure) was going off with a flashing 10 on the screen.

While this was going on, no one noticed the door opening to reveal Reinhardt Schnider, who was glaring daggers at Jonathan. No one noticed, that is, until he used his whip to snatch Chippy from Jonathan's arms.

"CHIPPY!" Jonathan's panic was clear, so everyone stopped laughing and turned their attention to the new drama that was unfolding.

"So, you like forgetting to invite certain people to the club, huh Jonathan?" Schnider asked tauntingly, petting Chippy on the head, which got Jonathan's blood boiling.

"If you hurt one hair on Chippy's head I will slaughter you..." He said darkly. Charlotte, despite being Jonathan's childhood friend, made no attempt to save the stuffed Pokemon. She didn't care how cute it was, this was too funny to stop.

"Tell you what, I'll make you a deal; I'll give you...Chippy...for the girl." Schnider suggested, and Charlotte suddenly didn't find the situation so funny anymore. Meanwhile, everyone was watching intently (with popcorn and other movie snacks), at everything that was unfolding.

"Deal." Jonathan said rather quickly.

"WHAT THE HELL, JONATHAN?" Charlotte shouted as Jonathan took his friend back...Chippy, I mean.

"Reinhardt, while I understand your displeasure with Jonathan, there is no reason to get Charlotte involved." Simon scolded the new member. Reinhardt began cracking up though, much to everyone's surprise.

"I know, I just wanted to mess with him, sorry miss." He replied, even bowing to Charlotte. Apparently he was only trying to scare Jonathan...though the way Jonathan could easily trade Charlotte for a stuffed toy bothered her to no end.

"He's gonna pay for this..." She muttered as she sat back down.

"Okay! Seriously, before anything else happens! Let's-" Simon shouted before someone knocked on the door. It was the newly hired priest, Adam Blade.

"What is it...?" Simon groaned. Adam shrugged before answering.

"There's this big guy asking to see you guys, said his name was Galamoth or something." He said nonchalantly, everyone else began to take up arms.

"That's a giant monster! Why didn't you take care of him? That's what we hired you for! What kind of priest are you, anyway?" Alu...I mean, Arikado, asked.

"Who the hell are you calling a priest?" Blade responded blankly, despite the fact that he carried around a bible and put down his official occupation as 'priest' on any paperwork he had to do.

"Relax, I've got this." F.T.L. Said bluntly before pulling out some sort of controller.

"Now is not the time to play games!" Shanoa shouted. F.T.L. Sighed before turning on the device. When he did, Soma began to seize up, and soon he was standing perfectly still.

"The hell?" Leon asked.

"That headband I gave him should allow me to control his muscle movements, here, watch." The young man explained as he moved a joystick forward. Soma kept walking until he hit a wall, but he still kept walking.

"Oh shit, let me...there we go." He added, getting Soma to run out of the door. F.T.L. Watched a screen on his device that showed the behemoth known as Galamoth standing in front of Soma in 2D.

"Heh, it's like a little game!" Julius laughed, watching 2D Soma go at it with the giant beast. F.T.L. Was winning, so no one else felt the need to go out and help. Everyone was crowding around the screen, watching Soma take a few hits and, occasionally, backseat gaming. Soon the beast was slain after a very anticlimatic baattle of F.T.L. Spamming the Erinys and Skull Archer souls, eventually taking the big guy down.

F.T.L. Deactivated his device and soon Soma was dragging his feet back into the room.

"I...am...going...to...kill...you" He groaned to the young man, who smiled tauntingly at him. Everyone wondered if he had some sort of grudge against Soma or something to that effect, but before anyone could ask Simon began shouting again.

"Okay, you know what? The meeting's over for today! Everyone! Get the hell out of here!" He yelled, apparently the craziness of the day got to the president and he needed to call it a day. He stormed out of the room, leaving Arikado to officially wrap everything up.

"...We will begin construction next week, however we will still have our meetings. I will find a suitable location." He explained.

"How about the beach?" F.T.L. Suggested.

"Why do you say that?" Arikado asked.

"Well it is getting pretty hot out, and we could hold our meetings at a hotel meeting room, as long as we provide the money, there will be no problems getting a decent meeting room, plus it would seem everyone else want to visit the shore." F.T.L. Explained. And it was true, Nathan and the others were already making plans for what they would do once they got to the beach.

"Chippy loves the shore, right dad?" Jonathan said happily. John Sr. nodded with the same enthusiasm as his son. Reinhardt claimed he had been working out, so he was gonna pick up babes. Soma was crying about whether he could invite Mina or not, and Nathan was gonna hit up an amusement park. With this much approval from the rest of the members, Arikado had no choice but to oblige, besides, this will get everyone else away from the prinnies who would be rebuilding the castle. He didn't want a repeat of what happened the LAST time he hired Netherworld Construction.

"Alright, the shore it is." He finally said.

"WOO-HOO!" Everyone shouted.

* * *

><p>LordAce: There we have it, next episode will be at the beach!<p>

Nathan: Man I could use the shore right about now.

LordAce: Quick announcement: next week there might not be an update due to several things; one, real life. Normal stuff basically. Two, I'm gonna give my laptop to my buddy who's gonna hook me up with all the stuff I need to hack a fire emblem game, the screen recording software I need to post it on youtube, and the for dummies guide I'll need to actually learn how to use any of this stuff, since I don't know anything about computers. Good thing my pal's a wiz at this stuff, plus he'll get it running like new, which I greatly appreciate since he's doing it for free. Anyway, I won't have access to my laptop but I'll still have my desktop. All of my writing's are on a few flash drives so I can still work on it but since I'm rarely home I dunno how much I can get done. Hence the 'might'. I STILL might upload a chapter if I can but if not then it will most certainly be up the following week.

Nathan: Nice of you to give a heads up.

LordAce: Well everyone's so nice to read this and review, I'm not gonna leave people hanging. Once again shout outs go to Satanic Park of Madness for a, once again, awesome review. Don't worry, Castlevania won't turn out like disneyland. Konami WOULD like that but since Square Enix already whored out the final fantasy characters to them there's no room for Castlevania characters.

Nathan: I wish we had some of that Kingdom Hearts money...good thing I have a sponsor for our theme park.

LordAce:...Really? Damn, that was fast...anyway, let's keep going, thanks to VladCT and yes, Zephyr is a fan of Dio Brando. He was supposed to show up today, but our priest decided to play bouncer and stop him at the door. Blade said, and I'm quoting him, that he "was not getting in here with that haircut." Reinhardt Schnider also makes his debut to the club and is now a regular member, glad you're not too mad about what Jonathan did. Thanks to ForetoldLegends for taking care of Galamoth (I have no idea how Galamoth got out of the asylum, by the way. Him showing up threw me for a loop too). And thank you to everyone who reads this. Once again, reviews are always welcomed. Anything you wanna say feel free to say, once again, you all rock.

Nathan: By the way, completely unrelated but, did you see that rap concert with the hologram?

LordAce: I heard about that! (Shit you not, I watched the video earlier today) How in God's name did they get a hologram of Tupac Shakur to rap with Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre?

Nathan: I have no idea, but that thing was lifelike! I watched the video knowing it was gonna be a hologram, I left the video thinking Tupac was back!

LordAce: Well considering the fact that he's coming out with new albums every year...(Before anyone says anything, I KNOW Pac had over 3000 unused tracks before his unfortunate passing and that's how he's still coming out with albums, so I don't believe he's alive but hiding somewhere...that's Dave Chappelle you're thinking of.)

Nathan: That was wild...

LordAce: Yeah, anyway, concerning the reviews, since they'll be at the beach you can suggest their activities as well as ask them questions. (Not truth or dare style, that concept's been beaten like a dead horse. Like 'You guys should smash watermelons' or something like that.) I still will be checking this bad boy daily for reviews, PM's, or anything else. Sorry if I forgot anything, this weeks been a little crazy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the show and stay tuned for another exciting episode of C.B.P.C!


	6. Chapter 6

LordAce: Welcome, oh beloved readers! For probably the greatest show you've ever seen, the C.B.P.C., is back from it's week long vacation. Now I say vacation, for while I was trying to work on a fire emblem patch (And realized coloring sprites is a bitch and a half) your beloved main characters were busy planning for their trip to the beach.

Nathan: What's with the narration?

LordAce: Well, seeing as how we were off last week, I figured we should come back with a bang! So what did you do in your time off?

Nathan: Yu-gi-oh tag force 5 on the PSP, along with Corpse party.

LordAce: Whoa, you played Corpse party? Dude...how many nightmares did you have?

Nathan:...you're under the impression I could actually SLEEP after playing that. For anyone interested in scary visual novel style games on Higurashi's level, please check out Corpse Party on the PSN store for the PSP.

LordAce: Advertising?

Nathan: No, I just really like this game.

LordAce: Fair enough, anyway; we've got quite a bit in store for you today. The main thing being...Soma losing his shit!

Nathan: So basically what happens every time someone say Ms. Hakuba's first name?

LordAce: Worse, if you can believe it...

Nathan:...This I gotta see, let's get on with the show!

* * *

><p>...Dammit Soma!<p>

It's been a nice week for Nathan since Simon gave everyone the week off, he managed to get a few things done that he had been planning to get done...which was organizing his card collection of over 9000... (Wait...that reference is so overdone...) ...10,000 cards into monsters, spells, and traps. He even managed to organize them by rarity as well. But alas, it was time for him to go back to his job as a member of the C.B.P.C. It's not that he didn't enjoy the club, it's just that so many things go wrong on a regular basis that he wondered if the publicity was worth it. Luckily, Simon and Alucard agreed on taking everyone to Virginia Beach to continue their activities while Castlevania was being renovated. Everyone still had to meet up at Castlevania though, so that way they could all take a bus Alucard rented and arrive at the same time, rather than risking someone (-cough cough- John Morris Sr. -cough cough-) getting lost along the way.

Getting back to Nathan, he found himself standing outside of Castlevania with Juste, each with dumbfounded looks on their faces.

"Are those...?" Nathan asked.

"...Prinnies? Again?" Juste added, behind the 'DO NOT ENTER' yellow tape that you find at some construction sites were the little penguin things that had to repair the throne room last time they needed work done. They were all wearing little yellow hard hats carrying little prinny tools in their little prinny bags.

"CUTE!" Charlotte shouted, arriving with Johns Jr. and Sr., she bolted towards the creatures with stars in her eyes. Nathan and Juste, remembering how badly it went last time because of Charlotte's fascination with cute things, jumped at her and held her back.

"Vice Pres is gonna get pissed again!" Nathan pleaded with the girl as he held her by the left arm. Juste wasn't as lucky, he stood right in front of her and suffered several kicks to the lower body and groin, but he stood fast to protect the little penguins.

"I just wanna hug one!" Charlotte shouted, trying to break free of the hunter's grasps. By now the prinnies saw what was going on, and man, were they scared for their lives.

"S-She's back, dood!" One shouted.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, DOODS!" Another one yelled, and soon it was prinny pandemonium, prinnies running around and bumping into things. Thankfully, none of them exploded this time, and soon Charlotte calmed down.

"But they're so cute..." She whined, Nathan close by in case she made another jump at them.

"Now now...we don't want vice pres to get mad at you again." He pointed out, trying to be nice. Juste was still trying to stand back up, for such a lithe girl, Charlotte kicked like a kangaroo.

"Why didn't you two stop her?" He shouted at the two Johns. Jonathan was grumbling something while his father held his head.

"Jonathan was mad because I wouldn't let him bring Chippy the Charmander with him. I told you, it's because we don't want him getting too close to the water, Jonathan." He groaned, trying to reason with his son. One had to wonder why he didn't reason with him the fact that he was too damn old to be carrying a stuffed pokemon doll to begin with.

"I would have kept him on a leash or something!" Jonathan yelled. While this was going on, Alucard was banging a sign into the ground.

"There, that should solve that problem." He said, shocking everyone, no one even knew he was there.

"How flattering for you, Charlotte." Juste laughed, for the sign said 'Construction, very dangerous, keep out!...Especially you, Charlotte!' and under it was a little chibi Charlotte with a cancel sign over it.

"Damn, that's cold-blooded! Hahaha!" Hector laughed, followed by Trevor, who was trying very hard not to strangle the former devil forgemaster. Hector was torturing poor Trevor with a story in which every sentence ended with Hector saying 'I'm Hector, bitch! Hahaha!'

"Finally...something else to talk about..." He muttered.

"Alucard, was this really necessary?" Simon asked, appearing from within the castle. He had been giving orders to Adam Blade and his group, they would be in charge until the club got back. Alucard sighed and handed him a copy of the bill from their last encounter with Netherworld Construction.

"..."

"Well, president?" Alucard asked rather smugly.

"..." Simon ran back inside and ran back out with more of the signs that Alucard had made, he began sticking them in the ground with superhuman like speed.

"Must've been some bill..." Richter stated, who was followed by Leon and Julius. It seemed like everyone was getting there on time, even Nathan, who was one of the first to arrive. Soon just about everyone arrived, the only one missing was Soma.

"I must say, it is a pleasure to see everyone so enthusiastic about getting here on time for our activities." Simon said to everyone.

"I think they all just want to go to the beach." F.T.L. Pointed out, he then pointed to the rest of the club, everyone was dressed for some fun in the sun. Richter, for some odd reason, had water wings on. Reinhardt also was ready for the beach, he was already wearing his swim trunks and a tank top. He was flexing his muscles, because according to him, he had been working out and wanted to impress the ladies. Simon looked at everyone and sighed, he was even considering renaming the club to the 'Castlevania Dumbass Protagonist Club'.

"Wait, where's Soma?" Maria asked.

"I told him he could bring Mina along this time." Alucard informed them.

"Aww, really?" Nathan whined.

"This is not going to end well..." Shanoa sighed.

"Dude, do you realize what you did?" Trevor shouted at the vice president. Now before we go any further, it wasn't that the club members disliked Mina, in fact she was rather well liked by the other members. The problem was Soma, see he would fly off the handle whenever someone even LOOKED at Mina the wrong way. And in his book, any way was the wrong way. Just ask poor Alucard, or Jonathan, or even Mr. Hakuba (No one had any idea how that one happened, nor did they want to know). So unfortunately, bringing Mina along could spell the end for several main characters. And almost on cue, Soma happily skipped towards the others, swinging Mina's hand in a manner that would make her say a few 'unladylike' things about her boyfriend.

"Hey guys! Did vice pres tell you, Mina's coming along!" He said happily, everyone looked at each other and performed what Soma called 'the proper way to greet my beloved Mina'.

"Hello, Ms. Hakuba." Everyone said, the men bowed in her presence, and the ladies curtsied. The only reason they were doing this was because Soma would throw a fit otherwise. Mina knew this and sighed, she really just wanted to be friends with everyone, but she couldn't do that as long as Soma was so psychotic.

"Hi everyone." She sighed as Soma looked over the group like a drill sergeant, ready to strike down anyone who seemed out of line. Unfortunately for Leon, remnants of his cold decided to creep up on him.

'Oh shit!' Nathan thought to himself, looking at the first Belmont.

"FWA-CHOO!" He sneezed all of a sudden.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Soma yelled, tackling Leon to the ground before anyone had a chance to say 'Bless you.'

"Damn, glad that wasn't me just now..." Trevor sighed quietly, as to avoid the ever vigilant Soma's outrage.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come..." Mina said sadly.

"No no, we're happy to have you here, we'll figure out a way to deal with Soma." Simon assured her, Soma stopped wailing on Leon, but even he wasn't dumb enough to attack Simon Belmont.

After getting Soma to calm down everyone piled onto the bus, despite the fact that they were making decent money, it was only a school bus with the letters C.B.P.C. Painted on it, so everyone immediately began to blame Alucard.

"Hey, I WOULD have gotten something nicer, but a lot of the money went towards workman's compensation for the prinnies." He explained, and Charlotte sunk into her seat. After about 3 hours on the bus everyone was pretty much doing their own thing. Nathan was playing his PSP, Charlotte found herself immersed in a book, and a few of the others just fell asleep. The only one who couldn't occupy their own time was Richter, so he sought to remedy that situation.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall-"

"Richter, I promise you if you don't cease that immediately I will hang you with the Vampire killer." Juste said stoically, he planned on nipping that in the bud before he had a chance to get everyone else in on it.

"Yeah? Well your momma's so ugly, Scorpion told her to 'STAY OVER THERE!'" Richter shouted in retaliation.

"..." Everyone looked at him like he was the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth.

* * *

><p>AND NOW FOR A NEW SEGMENT! 'Class time with Charlotte!'<p>

"Huh, what?" Charlotte suddenly found herself in a kindergarten classroom, and she was standing in front of a chalkboard that read 'Moron 101'.

"What's going on?" Nathan raised his hand from one of the little kiddie desks that he was way too big for.

"Uh, yes, Nathan?" She called on him.

"It's because it was decided that you're popular enough to get your own segment." Nathan explained while a little girl that was sitting next to him stuck her tongue out at him for knowing the answer.

"Wait, really?" Charlotte still couldn't believe it.

"That's right, miss Charlotte, people really like you!" The girl next to Nathan, named Sally, chirped up happily. Nathan looked at her and stuck out his tongue, muttering that he knew that one too.

"See, despite you being made fun of most of the time, you're a really popular person, so some higher ups think it would be good for ratings if you had your own segment." She continued.

"Well I still don't get it, or even get how I got here, but I'm not gonna turn down free screen time!" Charlotte said cheerfully before pointing to the board.

"Hello, class!" She said all teacher like.

"Hello, miss Charlotte!" The little kids plus Nathan, Jonathan, and Trevor said simultaneously.

"Today we're going to talk about why one of my fellow club members is a complete moron. As we just saw, Richter made the mistake of telling a 'momma' joke to Juste. Now if we take a look at the Belmont family tree, what do we see above Richter's name?"

"Oh oh! Pick me teach! Pick me!" Jonathan jumped in and out of his small seat.

"Hmm...yes, Michael?" Charlotte purposely called on the polite kid sitting next to Jonathan, getting him to grumble in his seat.

"That's Mr. Juste above his name, does that make him Mr. Richter's daddy?" Michael asked.

"Very good, Michael, someone just earned themselves five extra minutes of recess." Michael whispered 'yes!' while Jonathan began to look upset.

"Now, who can tell me why this was a bad move on Richter's part?" Trevor rose his hand this time.

"Yes, Trevor?"

"Wouldn't that make Juste's mother Richter's grandmother?" He asked politely, trying to get his chair unstuck from his bottom. Eventually he gave up, and sat back down.

"That's right! Good job, Trevor, extra recess time for you too! Now if we look at who Richter's grandfather is we'll see...uh oh..."

"What is it, miss Charlotte?" Sally asked innocently.

"Um, maybe we should go back to the main feature, cover your eyes and ears children!" Charlotte instructed.

* * *

><p>And so Charlotte, Nathan, Trevor (With the chair still stuck to his behind), and Jonathan all found themselves back on the bus. The first thing they saw was Simon beating the crap out of Richter.<p>

"S-sorry pres! OW! THAT HURTS! WAAH!"

"So, you wish to insult my wife, is that correct?" Simon yelled, wailing on his grandson.

"(Irony's a bitch...)" Nathan muttered to Jonathan.

"(No kidding, you'd think Richter had a death wish or something...)" Jonathan replied.

"I think he's just challenged, somehow." Charlotte stated, not even trying to hide the fact that she thought Richter was an idiot. (Well who wouldn't? You can beat the man with pie in PoR!) While she said that, the 'Richter Retard Rater' was practically smoking.

"...So how much longer until we get there?" Alucard asked the driver.

"About another hour or so, assuming traffic isn't a problem." The driver responded, despite the fact that there was so much going on in the bus, the driver was pretty calm.

"How does this not bother you?" Alucard asked.

"Meh, turbo duels with Jack are way more hectic than this could ever be." The driver responded.

"HOLY CRAP, THAT'S YUSEI FUDO!" Nathan shouted, going all fanboy for the turbo duelist.

"Dude, dude, I'm one of your biggest fans...could you sign my deck box for me?" He asked happily.

"Sure, your name's Nathan, right?"

"You got it!" While this was going on Soma and Jonathan were talking behind Nathan's back.

"He does know it's a children's card game right?" Soma asked.

"Meh, he's just a big kid then." Jonathan replied, Charlotte resisted the urge to point out that he was the one who treated a stuffed animal like it was his best friend.

"I wouldn't make fun of that game if I were you." Mina stated, when Soma and Jonathan didn't reply she continued.

"Let me put it this way; what company are we sponsored by?" She asked.

"Konami." The two said at the same time.

"Right, now what company is Yu-Gi-Oh, sponsored by?"

"...Konami." The reply came a bit slower this time.

"So by making fun of that card game, you're making fun of the people who make Castlevania games possible, do you really wanna piss off the higher ups?" Mina asked sweetly. The two men looked at each other, began to sweat, then went into 'kiss the ass of the boss' mode.

"So I was thinking that I would pick this game up." Soma said hesitantly.

"Me too, I'll ask Nathan for tips later on." Jonathan replied weakly, while this was happening, Charlotte was cracking up, almost losing her page in her book titled 'how to control your temper'.

Soon they were at Virginia Beach, and more specifically, a resort that had an indoor pool that went outside as well.

"Freaking sweet..." Reinhardt said happily as he looked around. There were hot girls everywhere, and since he basically looked like a WWE superstar he figured he could work that charm into his routine.

"Now now, we need to head to the meeting room and get our questions done before we do anything else." Simon stated as he led everyone into the meeting room they rented out. Soon everyone was seated, and Alucard began to go through the mail they brought to answer while Castlevania was being renovated.

"One of our regular reviewers, VladCT, has two things to address, first off he wants to know if any of us have heard of the...'Classicvania style Touhou project Koumajou Densetsu?' What's a Touhou?" Alucard asked, a few of the others looked at each other, genuinely dumbfounded.

"I can explain. Touhou is a popular series that is centered around attractive anime girls in environments similar to popular video games. There have been Touhou projects ranging from Pokemon to Street Fighter, as far as I know, anyway." A bellboy explained as he moved everyone's bags into an elevator.

"...Why do you know that?" Simon asked.

"Because I'm a fan of the series! C'mon, who doesn't like cute anime girls?" The bellboy stated, looking at Charlotte. She wasn't very happy about this, so she threw her copy of' How to control your temper' at the bellboy. Once again; irony's a bitch.

"Okay! Before Charlotte catches a case, let's get on with the next question, shall we?" Maria suggested.

"Agreed, the next half is directed towards Trevor. VladCT also thought to let you know that Hector has a certain...fetish...for exotic chairs."

"Oh, I knew that! The second I got back from class and pulled that accursed chair off of me Hector grabbed it and took it to the back of the bus. You all remember those noises that came from the back? You know, when everyone heard those noises we all moved up?" Everyone nodded, except for Hector, who was looking frantically for a way out of the room.

"Well you see, I saw Hector come from back there with the chair, and I'm pretty sure he was sweating." Trevor explained, grinning at Hector. 'Finally! Vengeance!' He thought to himself. Hector didn't say anything, but his studio audience was roaring at this bit of information.

"...Cocaine is a hell of a drug." Hector replied nonchalantly, getting his audience to laugh even more. Everyone sighed before losing interest. It was true, Cocaine was a hell of a drug, and no one could argue with that. Trevor began to tear up in the eyes a bit, he thought he had him that time.

'How is this man getting away with this? Don't we have some sort of drug policy?' Trevor thought to himself before sinking down into his seat.

"Let's continue, shall we? Ah, another letter from one of our star reviewers, Satanic Park Of Madness...hmm...Ms. Hakuba?" Alucard asked, and when he did, Soma looked ready to pounce.

"Yes, Mr. Alucard?" She asked sweetly.

"May I ask that you leave the room for a moment? I get the feeling Soma is not going to be happy..." Soma sat back down, he wondered if he was being sued again...he also wondered if he did anything that warranted him being sued. Mina nodded and left the room, leaving everyone curious as to what was going on.

"Satanic Park Of Madness says, and I quote, that he is 'sick and tired of how clingy you are with Mina, you remind him of how Inuyasha is with Kagome, and if he could he would walk up to you and tell you she is not as cute as you make her out to be'." Alucard read, sweating a little. When he was done, everyone turned to Soma, who was turning the brightest shade of red you'd ever see.

'This is bad, this is bad...' Nathan thought to himself. Everyone knew they were in some serious shit when a dark aura appeared around him. Soma began to open his mouth, so everyone tried to listen in on what he was going to say.

"WHAT THE-"

* * *

><p>We now interrupt your regularly scheduled fanfic for a special news bulletin.<p>

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is breaking news. I'm Axel, the dark hero, back by popular demand (And a few blackmail letters to the producers). This is my broadcast partner, Pleinair!" Axel gestured to the blue-haired mascot girl, who had a look on her face that said 'What the hell are you doing back here?'

"Today's story concerns the C.B.P.C...again, this time a member, one Soma Cruz, went off the deep end today after a fan let him know that his girlfriend is not as much as he says she is. After a dark aura surrounded the man, it seemed the entire planet Earth feared the worst. Strange things began to happen across the blue planet, things that no one thought would happen. First of all, infamous gangs the Bloods and Crips apparently made peace today with each other...and the police. Seto Kaiba has apparently stopped screwing the rules, former president George W Bush got a A- on a report card. Let's see, Asagi turned down a position as a main character, claiming that it would 'be safer to just remain a side character for a while', O.J. Admitted that he did it...hmm, this is the big one. Apparently sayian prince, Vegeta, was interrupted while saying his catch phrase. We now take you to the footage. Pleinair pointed to the screen, astounded that Axel was doing a decent job for once.

"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?" Nappa's dumbass asked for what seems to be the millionth time.

"It's over...what the hell is that?" Vegeta asked, looking in some random direction. He thought for a second, then turned back to his steroid abusing partner.

"Fuck this, let's get out of here." He said, jumping back into his spaceship. Then the clip ended, Pleinair sweatdropped as Axel continued his report.

"We at Netherworld News Network will continue to update you as soon as something else happens. In other news, famed Tales of Symphonia character, Kratos Aurion, was seen at a bar crying about him not getting as much screen time as he would like. That's right ladies and gentlemen, it would seem that hell has frozen over and the 2012 doomsday theory is no longer just a theory. Pleinair would have stopped his ranting, but for once, he was doing his job...and quite well at that. She wondered if maybe this was the end of the world.

Now back to the story.

* * *

><p>"I WILL-" Soma yelled, but before he could finish, Simon decked him with a right to the jaw, sending him through a wall. Ironically, Mina was standing by that wall listening to music, when she saw Soma fly through she sighed and peeked through the hole.<p>

"Should I ask?" She asked with a disappointed look on her face.

"I'd rather you didn't." Simon replied, also looking disappointed, Soma was pretty much out cold, much to everyone's delight.

"Hmm, I think we got through it all." Alucard said, checking the mail bag.

"So that means we can go hang out now, right?" Reinhardt asked.

"I would assume so, but maybe it's best we all stay together, we don't want anyone causing trouble." When Julius said that, everyone immediately looked towards Soma, who no one bothered to check up on, not even Mina. Luckily, their hotel had a private beach, so they really didn't have to go far to hang out on the shore. Everyone switched from their regular clothes to some regular swimsuits.

"Damn, damn, damn!" Alucard forgot he was part vampire for a little while and began sunburning like crazy.

"Um, here's some sunscreen..." Charlotte offered, squirting some of the cream in his hand.

"C'mon, don't be stingy!" Alucard screamed, snatching the bottle before applying it all over himself, people actually heard the steam coming off of him. While this was going on, Hector decided to tell another story.

"So, he walks in there and I said 'look bitch, I'm Hector'...then I smacked him." Trevor tried to sneak off, but he was caught.

"Trevor Belmont!" Hector yelled, and Trevor was seriously considering using that fatality Liu Kang taught him back at the temple. The idea of Hector's head flying off was appealing, but there were little kids around, so Trevor decided to take the high road and sit down. Everything was pretty much cool until Mina showed up, she had a pink bikini on that turned one man's head in particular.

"OH MY DEAR MINA!" Soma shouted as his nose began bleeding with unimaginable force. Nathan got as far away as he could, he was showing Jonathan and Soma his new Black Luster Soldier; Envoy of the Beginning card, and he did not want blood all over it. Soma actually took liftoff like some sort of rocket, and landed in the sea.

"Didn't he lose a lot of blood just now?" Maria asked. Mina sighed and shook her head.

"He's the reincarnation of Dracula...a lack of blood won't be a problem for him." She explained while Charlotte was running from the ocean.

"The water's turning red! It's all Soma's fault, he's so gross!" She shouted, pointing to the ocean, everyone in the water was bolting out like they just heard a shark warning.

"Just once, I'd like to have fun with Soma that didn't involve him going crazy over me..." Mina sighed.

"What's going on here?" Shanoa asked, F.T.L by her side once more.

"Soma, need I say more?" Julius stated, pointing at the teenager, who was floating face down in the bloody water with little bubbles coming from around him.

"Wait, how do you two know each other, anyway?" He asked.

"Well I was at the casino one time-" F.T.L began, but Maria saw something a bit wrong with what he said just now.

"Aren't you a bit young to be in a casino?" She asked.

"Weren't you a bit young to be in Castlevania the first time around?" F.T.L countered, then continued with his story.

"So anyway, I was over at the blackjack table when I noticed that someone was winning far more often than they should have." He said, while Shanoa shrugged like whatever she did wasn't that bad.

"Hey, glyphs can do more that just combat related things." She countered.

"Anyway, I tell her that I was gonna call her out on whatever she was doing, but after talking for a little while, we decided it would be better if we worked together to increase our winnings." Everyone went slack jawed, the young man basically described to them how he and Shanoa basically cleaned out a casino.

"Doesn't anyone find anything wrong with this?" Jonathan asked.

"Well it wasn't our money, so I don't care." Simon stated, getting back to his ice cream cone. Not even Simon Belmont could resist an ice cream cone with sprinkles on it. (Those things are too damn good...). Everyone looked at the president, then at each other, then decided that it wasn't their problem.

"Anyway, after that, we became pretty good friends. So does that answer your question, Julius?"

"I suppose so."

"Hey, shouldn't we get Soma out of the water?" Leon asked. Everyone began to look at each other again.

"I'm not going in there." Alucard stated.

"I'm eating right now." John Sr. said, digging into some chili fries.

"It's gross in there, can't we just leave him?" Charlotte asked. Mina looked at her then began to think, as if she was actually considering it. Soon everyone played the 'not it' game. (That game where whoever can't touch their nose the fastest is it.) Reinhardt was the last one, so after some grumbling and some colorful language, he dove in to save the idiotic young man.

"This is too damn gross..." He muttered as he swam through the murky water, he got a hold of Soma (And beat down a few sharks in the process, because he decided he was gonna define the word 'badass' despite not being well-known) and swam back to shore.

"Here's your idiot." He said to Mina, dumping Soma onto the ground. He had a look of bliss on his face. Despite the fact that he almost drowned in a mix of sea water and his own blood, he was happy to see his Mina show off a bit.

"This man...needs help." Poor Mina muttered, holding back a migraine as well as some more 'unladylike' statements.

* * *

><p>LordAce: There we have it folks, next week they will be back at Castlevania, and all of it's renovations!<p>

Nathan: That was fun, until Soma's dumbass nearly drowned.

LordAce: Yeah, actually I don't know why he acts like that, he was pretty mature in the games.

Nathan: This is true.

LordAce: Anyway, sorry for uploading a day late, open office was being a bitch for some reason, so I actually had to re-write most of this. Thankfully, the 'Classtime with Charlotte' was a product of trying to replace what was deleted somehow. I'm considering that becoming a regular feature.

Nathan: Sill can't believe Richter would tell a momma joke to his own ancestor, what an idiot.

LordAce: Anyway, let's get to the thank yous. Thanks once again to satanic Park of Madness, actually if you can believe it, the Soma Inuyasha comparison was a coincidence, I've never actually seen an episode of Inuyasha. It was just one of those shows I could get into. And don't get me wrong or anything; Mina isn't my favorite female in the series, Charlotte is actually. The only reason people rip on her in the story is because she's the one most likely to do something about it. And by something, I mean smacking them over the head with a book. Hector as Triple H? I wasn't gonna go for that...but it's certainly an idea haha.

Thanks to VladCT for once again reviewing, I actually have no idea about anything that has to do with Touhou, so I kinda had to sparknotes some of this, if I'm wrong on something I apologize. It's kinda tough to write about things I know nothing about, but I do try. And boy Hector does need some help, maybe some rehab?

Thanks to Foretoldlegends, I actually had something better written down for your character in particular, but like I said earlier, open office decided to wipe some of my stuff, so a lot of things had to be re-written. Thanks again for the ideas though, I like the way you think.

Thanks to everyone who's reading this story and I'm glad people are enjoying it.

Nathan: So did you check out corpse party?

LordAce: Dude, I'm paranoid now because of that game. If I leave home and come back, and something isn't the EXACT way I left it, I get a little freaked now. And I can forget sleeping for a little while. You win, my man.

Nathan: Always do.

LordAce: Anyway, tune in next week for the next exciting installment of the C.B.P.C.


	7. Chapter 7

LordAce: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! To another exciting installment of the C.B.P.C.! After a rather...long...hiatus, we're back on track! Because I took such a long break for things like finals and YCS Philly (Which I got my butt kicked three ways to next week at) I also had a lot of time to think up jokes and stuff, as well as figure everything out as far as answering everyone's reviews went.

Nathan: So how did your finals go?

LordAce: Man! I was worried for nothing, all A's and B's this semester.

Nathan: Good for you, how did YCS Philly go?

LordAce:...you just want me to repeat how badly I caught a beat down, don't you?

Nathan: Oh yeah, see, since I couldn't go I'm gonna rip on you as much as I can.

LordAce: Jealous? Aw, that's so sad...well if you're gonna do that then I guess I'll just hold onto all of these Hieratic cards I scored, plus those elemental heroes you were talking so much about.

Nathan: Wait! I'll be good!

LordAce: Enjoy the show people!

Nathan: WAIT!

* * *

><p>(Pre) Opening day! PART-1<p>

Nathan, Jonathan, Charlotte, and Juste stood in front of the newly renovated Castlevania with dumbfounded looks on their faces. There was something very wrong with what they were looking at, but no one wanted to point out the obvious and make themselves look stupid.

"...Why does it look exactly the same?" Richter asked, being the one idiot who would point out the obvious.

"I thought we were turning this into a theme park?" He added, everyone turned to Alucard, who was practically crying over the bill. Despite the fact that Nathan called in a favor from Seto Kaiba and got a decent amount of cash for the renovations, somehow, the bill exceeded way over what they had.

"Miss Etna! What is the meaning of this?" He cried as the demon girl exited the castle.

"Oh! There were a few mishaps while you all were gone, so I had to charge extra!" She said happily, patting the dhampir on the head as if he were a child.

"What could possibly be so horrible that you had to charge $50,000,000 for it?" He asked.

"Sexual harassment, of course!" Etna replied, while this was going on, Nathan and Jonathan tried to hold back Charlotte, who caught sight of a group of prinnies playing poker.

"The bill is high enough, just leave them alone!" Juste said rather loudly, not stepping anywhere near the girl, he didn't want to have to put an ice pack to his nuts again.

"But they're CUTE!" Charlotte squealed, stars visible in her eyes.

"How did you manage to charge us for sexual harassment?" Julius asked, wondering why Alucard was sucking his thumb in a corner.

"Ask that perverted priest of yours!" Etna shouted, actually looking pissed off for the first time since the club knew her. Alucard heard this, and got so mad, fire appeared from around him.

"BLADE!" He shouted, and soon, the priest in question and his crew were standing before the vice president. Blade didn't look the least bit worried, despite the fact that Alucard was glaring daggers at him.

"Yo, what's up?" He asked nonchalantly.

"What's this I hear about sexual harassment?" Alucard asked.

"Hunh? ...Oh, that." Blade said, shrugging like it was nothing.

"There's a misunderstanding here." He added.

"Oh this should provide a laugh or two..." Simon muttered, despite the fact that he had just arrived with the rest of the members, a phone call from his son Juste gave him the background of what was going on. At this point, the only one present was Soma, who begged Simon and Alucard to let him bring Mina along. Soon, Blade began his story.

"Well what happened was..."

* * *

><p>"<em>Yamada! Go give these papers to that Redhead girl." Eve shouted at the young boy, despite the fact that his real name was Cruz, she still called him that because she has a real problem with remembering people's names.<em>

"_B-but I'm cooking..." Cruz stuttered, he was quite busy, as he was cooking for not only him and his friends, but Etna and the prinnies. Normally, Eve would tell him to get on with it, but even she had to admit Cruz had enough of a load as it was._

"_Fine, I'll get someone else to do it." Of course, Eve didn't even consider doing it herself. She came across Teriyuma, who was in the middle of training._

"_Uchida!" Yeah...she's THAT bad with names._

"_It's Teriyuma, dammit!" Teriyuma shouted._

"_Go give these to that redhead chick." She stated, tossing him the papers._

"_What? Screw that, go find someone else to do it!" And with that, he ran deep into the castle, hoping to avoid Eve's signature 'Eve Cannon'._

"_Grr...okay, who's next?" She continued to wander around, eventually, she found Adam Blade. He was sitting around, smoking next to the holy water, which he used as an ashtray._

"_Blade! What kind of priest smokes and puts his cigarettes in the holy water?" She asked, annoyed with her partner's idiocy. _

"_Who the hell are you calling a priest?" He asked for what seemed like the millionth time._

"_You, you're the priest, anyway; I need you to go give these papers to that girl with the penguins."_

"_...Meh, alright." Blade stood up and ran off with the papers, it wasn't long before Eve realized her mistake._

"_Oh this wasn't such a great idea, was it?" She asked herself._

_Blade was walking towards the throne room, he had a feeling Etna would be there, so he naturally headed there first. When he got there he found Etna raiding the throne room, taking anything that wasn't nailed down and tossing it into a portal that probably led to the Netherworld._

"_Oh, um, Mr. Blade! How are you doing today? I was just...umm...getting these things out of the way." She told him nervously, but Blade didn't respond, something crazy happened though...something Etna wasn't expecting. Blade's eyes started spinning like a slot machine, and soon they stopped, looking like hearts. His mouth soon opened up, and a waterfall of golden coins fell out._

"_FEVER!" He shouted, jumping into the air like a maniac._

"_Dammit, Blade!" Eve shouted, arriving just in time to stop Blade from...whatever he was about to do. She grabbed him by the choker and dragged him to the other side of the room. In the meantime, Etna was confused as to what just happened, so she thought to inquire about it._

"_What's wrong with him?" She asked._

"_Blade has a thing for young girls..." Eve explained with a scowl on her face while Blade sat in the corner, barking like a puppy, he even grew a tail somehow._

"_WHAT? WHY I OUGHTA-...wait a minute...I'm over a thousand years old?" Etna pointed out, getting Blade to fall over and start drooling in a near catatonic state._

"_...So much for that..." He muttered before sulking back to the chapel, completely forgetting the papers he was supposed to give Etna._

* * *

><p>"And that's what happened." Blade explained, lighting a cigarette like he didn't just basically explain he's a lolicon. Everyone who didn't know him too well had a blank look on their faces, they weren't sure whether to call the police, or laugh their heads off. That's when Alucard got a brilliant idea.<p>

"Hey, Blade." He called, when Blade turned to him Alucard pointed at Charlotte.

"I'm pretty sure she's about 17, you know." Charlotte looked ready to kill, but Nathan and Juste held her back, somehow knowing where the vice president was going with this; and sure enough...

"FEVER!" Blade shouted, hearts in his eyes, and after he was done shouting, golden coins began to fall from his mouth. Alucard and the others wasted no time in picking up the free money, then he had another idea.

"I'm certain that there will be other young ladies coming as well once we open." He added, and that's when the torrent of coins reached epic proportions. Pretty soon, Blade was passed out on the ground, with his friends tending to him (e.g. poking him for no real reason).

"Will this cover it?" Alucard asked, pointing at the now gargantuan pile of coins. Etna took one look at it, and without even bothering to count it, she pulled out a megaphone.

"PRINNES! GET YOUR FLIGHTLESS BUTTS OVER HERE!" She shouted.

"Take this gold back to the Netherworld, and make it quick!...Yes, I think this'll cover the charges." Etna stated as she shook Alucard's hand, completely forgetting how pissed off she was. Soon, the prinnies and Etna were gone, leaving the others to deal with Blade.

"You do realize this is warrants your termination, right?" Simon asked.

"Then who're you gonna have take care of the place?" Blade retorted.

"What do you have that other priests don't have?" Nathan asked.

"We have our powers!" Eve squealed happily, as they were talking, it began to rain, so they relocated inside.

"Oh, THIS is much better!" Maria said happily, for the inside of Castlevania had really been turned into an amusement park. The entryway had concession stands and little arcade games, a map said the throne room was turned into a souvenir shop, the subterranean area was turned into a water park, and the clock tower was turned into a shooting gallery...something Nathan, Juste, and Jonathan immediately ran towards.

"Men! It's time we got our vengeance against the medusa heads, let's go!" Juste said all army like.

"Sir, yes sir!" Jonathan and Nathan, Juste and Nathan ran in with their guns ablaze while Jonathan gave a quick hug to Chippy the Charmander doll before following suit. Pretty soon, the sounds of gunfire and Medusa head screams could be heard throughout the hallways.

"...So you mentioned something about powers?" John Sr. asked, almost falling over when Reinhardt decided to join the fight against the medusa heads, and ran past him with gusto unlike any other.

"Right, these people possess powers known as fragments...it's quicker if they demonstrate." Professor Gido explained. Teriyuma was the first to activate his power, flames began to engulf him.

"I am Momijii Teriyuma, the needless of flame!" he said, striking a badass pose. That pose was ruined, however, when the smoke detector went off and began sprinkling water on him...fizzling him out.

"That was smart..." F.T.L. Muttered, using his Guns N' Roses sweatshirt to cover himself.

"My fragment is Doppelganger." Eve said nonchalantly as her arm turned into an umbrella, shielding her from the water. Everyone else would have stared at her, if they weren't too busy glaring at Teriyuma.

"And my fragment is-" Blade began but was interrupted by Soma, who burst through the doors in grand style, with Mina at his side.

"Hey everyone! What's up?" He asked happily as he dragged the poor girl with him.

"Soma! You ALMOST ripped my arm off that time!" Mina shouted, then sighed when she realized that Soma was too dumb to notice her displeasure.

"Look! I brought Mina!" Soma added to his earlier statement, everyone began to stare at each other, then performed 'The proper way to greet Soma's beloved Mina'. Soma took extra time to glare at Leon, who made the mistake of sneezing last time around. After 5 minutes of bowing and curtsying, Soma let everyone off the hook.

"As I was saying, my power is the Zero Fragment." Blade explained, when he got blank stares, he had to elaborate even further.

"I can take the powers of my enemies and use them as my own." He added, and the second he did, Soma got right in his face.

"I use the powers of my fallen enemies as well." He said all serious like. Everyone, including Mina, stared at the two.

"Perhaps they'll finish each other off." Shanoa said quietly. After a few minutes of what would later be called 'the most pointless standoff ever' the two men jumped into the air and high fived.

"Copycat characters unite!" They shouted in the middle of their idiotic display.

"Can we just go now?" Leon asked, wanting to check out the rest of the castle. Soon, everyone was on their way, except for the four warriors of the Medusa apocalypse, they were too busy shooting down the earlier mentioned monsters with much enthusiasm.

"Behind you, Nathan!" Juste shouted, shooting down a gold medusa head that was creeping up on him.

"Thanks, I owe you." Nathan said happily, really getting into the whole war story thing.

"This is easier than xyz summoning in Yu-Gi-Oh!" Jonathan said, Nathan was teaching him and Soma how to play, so he began using the terms to make sure he didn't forget them.

* * *

><p>And now for another session of 'Classtime with Charlotte!'<p>

Charlotte found herself in the same classroom from last time again, and again, she didn't expect to be warped there so easily.

"Okay, can you at least TELL me when I'm going to be warped somewhere?" She shouted at the ceiling, probably to some higher being who controlled her (and the other's) every action.

"Um, okay...what's the lesson for today?" She asked out loud, then turned to Nathan, who had his hand raised.

"Yes, Nathan?"

"We were turning in our reports on the Yu-Gi-Oh trading card game." He said happily, despite the fact that he looked like he had been through hell in his battle with the Medusa heads. Next to him, little Sally held her nose.

"Nathan's stinky!" She said in a high voice, because Nathan was in such a fierce fight, he obviously was in need of a shower and a fresh change of clothes. Nathan put his hand down and began to blush out of embarrassment, also opening a window next to him. Charlotte laughed and looked around at the other students. There were the regular kindergarten kids; Sally, Michael, and Jasmine, and there were people she knew there as well. The people she knew were Nathan, Jonathan, Soma, and Hugh Baldwin for some reason.

"Okay class, let's hear your reports, Jonathan?" She asked for her oldest friend to come up to the front of the class, he tried to stand up, but the chair was too small for him. He struggled for a bit until Michael helped pull it off of him, he then stood up and read from his report.

"My name is Jonathan Morris, and my report is called 'Female Monster cards that are way cuter than Miss Charlotte-" Before he could finish, a book hit him over the head, knocking him out. When he came too, he was tied to a chair in the corner with a dunce cap on his head.

"Soma, your turn." Charlotte said after taking a few minutes to calm down. Soma had the same issue as Jonathan, but no one bothered to help him, instead he just stood up with the chair attached to his butt.

"My name is Soma Cruz, and my report is called 'Female Monster cards that aren't nearly cute as Mi-" Before Soma could finish another book knocked him out too.

"Okay, Nathan?" Charlotte asked, kicking the out cold Soma to the side. Nathan was the only one who was able to get out of his chair, so he was able to stand up with his dignity intact.

"My name is Nathan Graves, and my report is called 'How Konami is beginning to lose the respect of older players such as myself.'" Nathan turned to Charlotte, who nodded for him to continue, he was a little afraid of ending up like Soma and Jonathan, he cleared his throat before continuing.

"A few years ago, the Yu-Gi-Oh trading card game was turned on it's head with the addition of a new summoning mechanic, synchro summoning. This was to market the new series, 5D's, to new players and older players alike. The idea at first was a bit absurd, adding a new mechanic to an already popular game was a pretty hit or miss idea, and the show seemed a bit weird with their 'Card Games on Motorcycles' motif. However, both ideas were accepted by anyone who wanted to play competitively, and the show managed to grasp the attention of players all over, it was certainly a step up from it's predecessor, GX." Charlotte sat down, and motioned for Nathan to continue, surprised at how such a well written report could spark her interest in something that she would otherwise not pay attention to.

"Now we come to today, where the newest series, ZEXAL, and it's new summoning mechanic are trying to make lightning strike twice. However, ZEXAL is being criticized as what may possibly be the worst Yu-Gi-Oh spinoff yet. The summoning mechanic, XYZ summoning, is also receiving it's fair share of critisism. The show itself is ridiculous, how the show went from a tough street youth who goes so far as to outsmart police to a kid who barely knows how to play is beyond most of us. The summoning mechanic however, can be salvaged. XYZ summoning has been proven useful, as many metagame deck types have popped up, such as Dino-Rabbit. It's the name of the mechanic that is upsetting players. Originally, it was to be called Exceed summoning, which would have made more sense and easier to pronounce. Now, as XYZ is pronounced ik-zeeds, players are upset and saying that the whole ZEXAL era is marketed towards children who have no appreciation for the history of dueling and who have no problem making themselves look foolish by saying it out loud. Not to mention, there is an archtype of monsters known as VWXYZ, in which a monster is called the XYZ catapult cannon. This initially caused confusion amongst older players because no one was sure if the two were related somehow. All in all, the only thing that is barely saving the ZEXAL era is the XYZ summoning, and even that is hanging on by a thread with it's ridiculous name. Thank you." Nathan bowed as Charlotte and the other students stood up and applauded, except for Hugh, who was starting to throw paper balls at Nathan.

"HUGH! OUTSIDE!" Charlotte shouted, and after a bit of shouting, Hugh could be heard crying in the hallway.

"What did you do to him, Miss Charlotte?" Jasmine asked.

"I called his father, I imagine that he'll learn his lesson by tomorrow. Speaking of which, class is over for today, you all did well...except for you two." She said, pointing at Soma and Jonathan. Soon Charlotte found herself back where she was, touring the rest of the Castlevania theme park.

* * *

><p>LordAce: That's it for part one, everyone, Let me go ahead and explain what's going on with this particular chapter.<p>

Nathan: Please do.

LordAce: Well this is pretty much the longest chapter so far, and by breaking it up into two parts, I can continue to write as well as give everyone something to read while I finish up.

Nathan: Any particular reason?

LordAce: Only because between Finals, YCS over the weekend, and work, I'll admit; I'm beat like crazy. And I apologize, if I had the wear with all, I would have no trouble typing up the rest of this. I hate missing deadlines like this but I really don't have another choice.

Nathan: I guess that's understandable.

LordAce: At the very least let me say that I do have the rest of this chapter planned out, and I'm going to upload the rest sometime this week, so there won't be as long a wait.

Nathan: I'm sure everyone can live with that.

LordAce: Well we will let everyone speak for themselves, and I'm happy that people are reading this still, even with the break. Let me thank Satanic Park of Madness, VladCT, Foretoldlegends, and RichterReinhart ahead of time for reading and reviewing. I'll provide more feedback to the feedback in the next half, no doubt. I appreciate the love, and I love you guys just as much no homo. Anyway, legit, I'm worn out and I'm going to get to everything else that people asked and wanted the characters to do.

Nathan: On a side note, is Blade really like that?

LordAce: Shit you not, he's legit like that. Anyway, I hope you guys understand, and I promise the rest of this chapter will be up by the end of this week, so I keep on track. LordAce out!


	8. Chapter 8

LordAce: Here it is, beloved readers, part two of Castlevania's pre opening day. I-

Nathan: Look! Ms. Charlotte gave me an A on my report, she even gave me a sticker!

LordAce: Dude...you're like...MY age, why are you worried about stickers?

Nathan: It's one of those scratch and sniff stickers.

LordAce: Really? Let me see that, I love those things! ...By the way, what happened to Hugh?

Nathan: He tried to put toilet paper down his pants...his dad caught on, though.

LordAce: I'd feel bad for him, but this sticker is sending me on a journey of nostalgia filled happiness...now I wanna play my gameboy.

Nathan: Shouldn't you be working...? Like, moving us into the show?

LordAce: It's not like I'm getting paid or anything, you do it!

Nathan: Was that an unintentional disclaimer?

LordAce: I think so...anyway, enjoy!

* * *

><p>(Pre) Opening day! Part 2<p>

Nathan, Jonathan, Juste, and Reinhardt just finished their 'war' against the Medusa heads with their heads held high, they claimed a victory in the name of Castlevania players who had to constantly either restart their game or go back to a save point thanks to the clock towers minions. Why they were wearing army fatigues and camouflage, none of the others were particularly sure.

"What the hell are you guys wearing?" Leon asked.

"It was a long battle...but we were victorious." Juste said with a sigh.

"There were many casualties, it was thanks to their sacrifices that we came this far." Nathan added solemnly.

"But you four were the only ones that went in..." Charlotte pointed out, handing Chippy the Charmander to Jonathan, who proceeded to hug the stuffed toy while sucking his thumb. Reinhardt sighed when he saw this, it wasn't the manliest thing in the world, and he couldn't believe his comrade was this pathetic at times.

"That's irrelevant, putting aside these four for a little while, we still have a tour to take." Alucard said rather loudly, then turned to Simon.

"Isn't that right, president?" He asked, then his jaw dropped when he saw what he was doing.

"For bravery in the heat of battle, I present Nathan Graves, Jonathan Morris, Juste Belmont, and Reinhardt Schnider with these medals of honor. You've fought well." Simon was presenting medals to the four, who saluted the president afterwards. Simon returned the gesture before turning to Alucard.

"You were saying something?" He asked, genuinely clueless as to what Alucard said. After a bit of cursing and threats so bad that we can't tell you what they were coming from Alucard, the group was on it's merry way. The next place they were going to head to was a battle arena, where people could legally beat the crap out of each other. On the way, Soma and Blade were shooting the breeze until...

"So that Mina girl is your girlfriend?" Blade asked, Soma began to go into his dark half for some reason before responding.

"Yeah, and if you try anything, I'll kill you." He said ever so calmly.

"Relax, she's over 18, I'm not interested." Blade replied, shrugging his questionable statement off like it was nothing. Everyone else looked at him with faces that asked the obvious question; 'Is this man TRYING to go to jail?' Soma, however, began to brighten up. 'Finally! Someone I can trust around Mina!' He thought.

"You and I are gonna get along JUST fine!" He said happily while everyone else stared at the duo. There was something very wrong with what was going on here, though it was difficult for anyone to say anything.

Moving on, the group reached said battle arena, where a rather surprising sight awaited them.

"So there are two F.T.L.'s?" Maria asked, she looked to Shanoa for an answer, but the look of non-concern on her face told Maria to drop it.

'Hehehehe...this is just how I planned it.' Soma thought to himself, earlier; he bribed Eve into transforming into the young man in an attempt to pay him back for torturing him so much. He gave her a years supply of Dero Doro drink, which she happily accepted.

"Hm, so you're the manifestations of the voices in my head?" F.T.L asked the copy. 'Voices...?' Everyone thought as they backed away. Good thing they did too, because a cage suddenly dropped down around the two, and that's when Soma grabbed a microphone and put on a really cheap suit before yelling into the mic.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WELCOME! To Castlevania's first ever hell in a cell match! Let's introduce our combatants, in this corner...weighing in at 162 pounds, F.T...where are you guys going?" Soma began to announce, but soon the others were leaving into another area.

"We still have work to do, you know? Maybe you should come along too?" Julius pointed out, Soma whined for a minute, but tagged along once he saw they were going to leave with or without him.

"...Bastards...leaving me like this." F.T.L muttered as he faced himself.

"So this is where we'll be holding our meetings?" Trevor asked aloud as everyone else looked around, they were in a room that looked a a lot like the stage for the Oprah Winfrey show. Suddenly, a bunch of lights turned on and cameras began to point at each of them.

"Camera demons! Away, foul beasts!" Simon yelled as he tried to smash the nearest camera.

"Relax, President! They don't steal your souls! It's been proven!" Leon shouted, holding back the irate Belmont. Wondering why Leon was better with technology than Simon, despite coming from an earlier timeline, was pretty much pointless.

"Yeah, could you not destroy the equipment? It would save me a lot of time and effort." A disgruntled high schooler said from behind a control panel.

"...And who are you?" Reinhardt asked.

"Name's Kyon...don't ask why I'm here." He sighed while another high schooler approached the group."

"You see, our leader was quite insistent on us working here. It would be best to keep her happy, not to mention this seems like it could be fun." He explained politely.

"Okay, who are YOU?" Reinhardt asked again.

"My apologies, my name is Itsuki Koizumi, it's a pleasure to meet all of you." Koizumi added, bowing in respect.

"Hey, Kyon, Koizumi! Stop shooting the breeze with them and get back to work!" A girl yelled, before anyone could ask where that came from, a hyperactive school girl appeared before them, holding a director's megaphone. Kyon groaned and went back to his job as the cameraman while Koizumi went off somewhere else.

"Heya! My name is Haruhi Suzumiya, leader of the S.O.S. Brigade as well as the hostess for your show, the C.B.P.C!" She squealed happily before looking around.

"Mikuru! Yuki! Where are you two?" She shouted through the megaphone, and on cue, two girls dressed in bunny outfits (For some reason...) came out from backstage.

"FEVER!" Blade shouted (Wait...he's still there? No one called the cops yet?), his mouth spraying gold coins everywhere and hearts in his eyes.

"Down Blade!" Julius shouted as he tackled the priest.

"Y-yes, miss Suzumiya?" Mikuru asked shyly.

"You two get ready! The show's about to begin, Yuki, take these guys to the back, alright?"

"Understood, follow me." Yuki said blankly before heading backstage, the club members looked at each other before shrugging and following the girl.

"Action!" Koizumi shouted.

"Welcome to the C.B.P.C." Yuki said blankly and Mikuru said nervously, holding up a sign together that said 'Please enjoy the show!'

"Hello everybody, welcome to the premier televised episode of the C.B.P.C, I'm your ultra-cool hostess, Haruhi Suzumiya! But enough about me, please welcome our first guest...Hector!" Haruhi shouted, and despite the fact that there was no one in the room besides the club and the S.O.S Brigade, a studio audience began clapping and cheering.

"That's right Bitch! That's right, Bitch!" Hector said loudly as he took his seat across from Haruhi.

"Uh, right. So Hector, our first question comes in from VladCT...well this is more of a statement than a question. It looks like your old friend Issac has be going around bragging about how he tricked everyone into killing your first beloved, Rosaly. Do you have anything to retort with?" Haruhi asked the former devil forgemaster, Hector took a serious look before answering.

"I see, so my former rival wishes to go there, does he?" He asked very calmly, which got everyone backstage to stare in awe.

"Since when does Hector show any manners?" Charlotte asked, Jonathan shrugged, not knowing the answer himself.

"Maybe it's because he's on TV?" He finally replied, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Well, if you're watching, Issac, I'd like to remind you of one thing..." Hector said politely before standing up.

"Your sister happens to be my girlfriend, Bitch!" Hector said loudly and crudely, getting the audience to laugh uproariously.

"That's right Bitch! Hickory dickory dock! Your sis is on my c*ck! She lives in my house, I turn her out, and now she sells my rocks! Hahahaha!" Hector laughed as the crowd went wild.

"I see...well I suppose that answers that question." Haruhi muttered, her face a bright red.

"Anything else?" Hector asked, going back into polite mode.

"Um, no, that will be all thank you." Haruhi stuttered as Hector went backstage.

"Our next guest could not be here, due to the fact that he's dead, so instead we have a few close friends of his. Please welcome Jonathan Morris Jr. And Sr. And Charlotte Aulin!" The audience began to clap, so it became apparent that Hector's presence was no longer needed for them to be there.

"It's a pleasure." John Sr. said as he sat down.

"So VladCT also wants to know what's the deal with Eric Lecarde's gravity defying man skirt?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, well-"

"Wait, Wind wore a skirt? Oh, that's funny!" John Jr laughed as he fell onto the floor.

"Jonathan! We're on TV, you know?" Charlotte scolded her laughing friend, but even she was having a hard time of holding back her stifled laughter.

"C'mon, everyone knows real men wear leather pants!" Jonathan exclaimed, standing up and taking a heroic pose.

"I know you're proud of yourself, but doesn't holding a Pokemon doll kind of negate your statement?" Haruhi asked, pointing at Chippy, who Jonathan forgot to leave with one of the others backstage.

"Err...dang." Jonathan muttered as he sat back down.

"Anyway, Eric told me the reason behind this was that he kept a rope inside the in stream of his skirt tied to his leg. This way, it wouldn't slide or fall or anything of that nature. It was the idea of his wife, who was tired of going out in public with a man who had his already embarrassing skirt falling down all of the time." John Sr managed to explain while making a straight face. The hostess, however, could not keep her laughter inside.

"Wow, that's so bad!" She laughed as she sat back down in her seat.

"-ahem!- Anyway, that's it for you all, thank you for your time." Haruhi said happily as the three went backstage.

"Our next guest is someone who has been called Castlevania's poster boy, Soma Cruz!" She announced as Soma came from backstage, waving and smiling.

"Boo!"

"You lamer!"

"No one came here to see you, my boy!" The audience obviously did not take kindly to Soma, to which he returned the hate with a few rude gestures of his own.

"Er, anyway, Rain Nero wants to know how come you didn't take the ancient belt and become...well, invincible?"

"Well because that thing is for wussies! Plus my beloved Mina would flip if I decided to make myself any more powerful. Did I tell you about Mina yet? She's-" Soma began to talk and talk and talk for what felt like forever. Nathan had time to take a nap in the time he was talking, and when he woke up, Soma was still at it. Poor Haruhi fell asleep herself.

"Ugh...how long was I out?" Nathan asked out loud.

"You were asleep for approximately two hours, forty two minutes, and fifty three seconds." Yuki told him with a blank expression.

"Er, thanks..so he's still at it?"

"Relax, I've got it." F.T.L stated, returning from facing what he thought were his inner demons. Eve stood next to him, drinking some of her favorite drink, Dero Doro.

"Could you do what we agreed on?" He asked the shapeshifter.

"Yup! On it." Eve said happily as she shapeshifted into Mina. She walked on stage and poked Soma's shoulder.

"MINA!" He shouted as he clung onto her like a puppy. While this was going on, the real Mina was waking up from her nap.

"Man, I really need to get that man a muzzle or something..." She yawned as she wandered on stage.

"SOMA!" She shouted when she saw him, he was doing his little lovey dovey act on Eve, and with the way she dressed, it was suggestive to say the least.

"Hunh...? Wait, Mina? But...Agh!" Soma jumped back when he saw who he was cuddling against.

"Eve! You and I had a deal! Why didn't you take care of you-know-who?" He asked.

"Meh, he paid double what you paid me." Eve said nonchalantly as she drank from the can.

"What is this stuff anyway?" Juste asked, picking up a can from Eve's personal stash.

"It's Dero Doro drink! It's the best drink you can get your hands on where I come from. It'll fill you up, no problem." She explained as she tossed Nathan a can.

"...Cheers, I guess." Nathan said as he and Juste toasted before downing the drinks.

"Man I'm full!" They each shouted, but then let some of the drink fall from their mouths.

"But it's nasty..." Juste muttered as he wiped his face.

"What's in this stuff anyway?" Nathan asked out loud, he turned to the nutrition facts. He was a bit surprised to see what he saw.

"5,000 calories!" Nathan shouted, Juste quickly looked at his own can to see the same thing.

"Why would anyone make something so unhealthy? And how do you stomach this stuff?" He asked Eve.

"Well my powers take up a lot of energy." She explained.

"Shouldn't someone help Soma?" Maria asked.

"Nah, he deserves this." F.T.L laughed as he took out his camera phone.

…

…

…

The beat down that followed Soma's...mistake...would be heralded as one of the most epic things in history. There were fireworks, rocket launchers, Muhammad Ali showed up to give Mina some impromptu training sessions before she turned back to Soma, who was cowering in a corner.

"Beat his ass! Beat his ass!" Shanoa cheered, which was unlike her, but then again there were a lot of strange things happening today. Soma cried as Mina approached him again, holding the arm that Mina broke tearing him away from Eve. Pretty soon, Soma was hanging by his underwear from a ceiling fan, his arms tied up, with the fan going on at full speed. Mina set up a stand that read 'Whack the human pinata'.

"And welcome to the C.B.P.C omake segment!" Nathan and Haruhi shouted happily.

"And what do we have on the schedule today, oh wonderful hostess?" Nathan asked in his best TV voice.

"Well I'm glad you asked, awesome club member! Today we turn our attention to Mina Hakuba, who has beaten her boyfriend so badly he's now hanging from the ceiling fan by his underwear. It looks like some of your fellow club members are taking this opportunity to show them what they think of him!" Haruhi explained, pointing to Leon. He had on a blindfold and a bat with a few nails going through it.

"M-Maybe we can talk this out?" Soma begged, but Leon was having too much fun paying him back for beating him up for SNEEZING.

"To the left, Leon!" Trevor laughed, taking a bite of his hot dog. Earlier (during the beat down) F.T.L suggested everyone get hot dogs to celebrate Soma's humiliation, as well as the parks (sort of) opening. Eventually, it turned into a contest, and Juste was left going into the bathroom with his face green.

"2 bucks to try?" Mina asked Nathan.

"Here's twenty."

"You want change?" Mina asked, somewhat confused as Nathan walked away without his change.

"No thank you, I want ten shots at this." Nathan said evilly as everyone cheered him on. All in all, it was a great day for everyone...everyone that was important, anyway.

* * *

><p>LordAce: I promised I'd upload this sometime this week, and I try not to disappoint! Part two as well as how Castlevania looks now that it's a theme park.<p>

Nathan: Man, that was too much fun!

LordAce: You were seriously enjoying beating up Soma, weren't you?

Nathan: Oh yeah, he was getting annoying.

LordAce: So how's Juste?

Nathan: He'll be fine, if it weren't for that 5,000 calorie drink he would have been fine for the contest.

LordAce: seriously...5,000 calories...

Nathan: So how'd you get Haruhi and the others to come along?

LordAce: We needed a hostess, and they wanted some extra cash, simple as that.

Nathan: Well I'm glad you got them to tag along, it was fun hanging out with them!

LordAce: Glad to hear it, anyway thank you to everyone who reviewed once again. Thank you Satanic Park of Madness for another wonderful review on the last chapter, thanks to Foretoldlegends for always reading and shooting some brilliant ideas (And for reading 'Poor Sayer' in the yu-gi-oh 5D's section thingy I wrote one night), thanks to VladCT for always showing interest in my work and providing excellent feedback and questions, and thank you to a new reader, Rain Nero. Thanks to RichterReinhart for the compliment, and thank you to everyone who's reading this and getting as much as a laugh out of reading it as I do writing it.

Nathan: Hey, did I show you the prize I got from the 'Whack the Human Pinata' game?

LordAce: There were prizes?

Nathan: Well something fell out, I assumed I could take it.

LordAce: Soma's wallet...?

Nathan: Oh yeah...

LordAce: That's all the time we have for this week, tune in next week for the actual opening of the theme park. Me and Nathan are gonna go run up Soma's credit cards with Mina and the others, Later!


	9. Chapter 9

LordAce: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, the the real opening day of the Castlevania theme park! And, man, do we have a show in store for you all today! Tell 'em, Nathan!

Nathan: Well our sponsor will be here, that's one thing.

LordAce: Yes, Seto Kaiba himself will be making an appearance...how'd you get him to drop that kind of money for this park, anyway?

Nathan: Two things; one being that he wanted to expand Kaibaland so our park is like n affiliate of that. The second being that I showed him an OTK with the Blue-Eyes so he's probably gonna try it out on Yugi one of these days.

LordAce: Wow, that's...actually pretty boring, I was expecting like you were blackmailing him or something.

Nathan: Like Kaiba ever does anything that you can actually blackmail him for.

LordAce: Well, I've got a few surprises of my own that I'm gonna throw in this one, so I hope you all enjoy!

Nathan: Wait...I didn't hear about surprises?

* * *

><p>Opening day (For real this time...)<p>

Nathan and the rest of the club were busier than they had ever been, today was the day that the Castlevania ultra-fun-for-all-ages theme park was opening to the public. Nathan himself was charged with the task of leading a tour group which consisted of many different types of people. Among these people were Uryuu Ishida (Who explained that he's got free time until Ichigo and co. got back from Hueco Mundo. Nathan decided to keep quiet about the fact that Ichigo and the others were fighting Quincy), Genesis Rhapsodos and his (unwanted) group of fangirls, Kanonno Earhart from tales of the world radiant mythology 2, and even Izaya Orihara from DRRR, all that was missing was the guest of honor (And we're not talking about Dracula's dumbass, either).

"My apologies, everyone, we can't begin the tour until everyone has arrived." Nathan explained to the disgruntled guests, because the guest of honor was running late, everyone was left standing in the hot sun for about 2 hours. Genesis, however, seemed unfazed.

"It is of little consequence, I'll just read aloud the greatness that is 'LOVELESS'." While Genesis' fangirls began screaming, everyone else began to whine and complain.

"That's the third time today..." Uryuu muttered under his breath, resisting the urge to shoot the 1st class SOLDIER with an arrow fired in his litz stile (Last style) form. Kanonno didn't say anything, but the look on her face suggested the second Genesis spoke she would take that pink book of his and shove it so far down his throat he'd have to read the pages out of his ass, which was unlike the normally kind and sweet girl at all. Izaya, however, seemed not to care at all...in fact, he seemed to be enjoying everyone else's pain.

Before Genesis could open his mouth, and much to everyone's delight, the noise of a helicopter began to sound off in the distance. Eventually the copter came into view, and everyone could see the Kaibacorp logo on the side. 'Finally, we can get started...' Nathan thought to himself as the copter finally hit the ground.

From the helicopter stepped Seto Kaiba and his little brother, Mokuba Kaiba. Everyone cheered, except for the Genesis fan club after Genesis put away his book.

"Glad to see you could make it, how are you doing today?" Nathan asked to CEO.

"Spare me the pleasantries, Graves, you and I both know that the only reason I'm here is because this park is an official branch of KaibaLand." Kaiba growled.

"No it isn't, Seto! It's true we helped pay for this park but the C.B.P.C still owns this place, we were invited to see that the money was put to good use, remember?" Mokuba pointed out happily, earning a thumbs up from Nathan.

"Shut up, Mokuba." Kaiba muttered.

"My my, such a displeasing attitude, you should learn to cheer up." Izaya said creepily.

"Okay that might have sounded better coming from her." Uryuu stated, pointing at Kanonno, who was getting really tired of standing in one place for so long.

"I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you, Orihara. I'm rich enough to buy your name and change it to Fluffy Mcscruffums if I wanted to." Kaiba said to the information broker, who only put up his arms in defense (albeit he was sarcastic about it.)

"CAN WE JUST GO ALREADY?" Kanonno shouted, getting everyone's attention.

"Okay, let's begin the tour! (before she gets anymore upset)" Nathan announced as he led everyone to the ticket booth.

"Now before we enter the actual park I'll need you all to verify your tour passes, just to make sure." Nathan pointed out as he stood beside the security booth. Anyone who got a tour pass had to get them online, since the park itself was just now opening. Inside the booth sat Shanoa, who was reading a copy of 'Gohtic Chick Monthly'.

"Hey, Shanoa, you don't mind sitting in that booth all day long?" Nathan asked.

"Not really." Came the blunt reply as Shanoa verified Kanonno's pass. She gave her one of those paper bracelets that basically gave her access to the entire park once the pass was verified.

"But...don't you get bored?" Nathan asked, Shanoa took one look at him and smirked.

"Hey, it's hot out there, and it's cool in here." Shanoa pointed out, gesturing to the top of the line air conditioning unit next to her. She also had a TV and a mini fridge, so she was set as far as that went.

'So she's getting paid...to do nothing...and I'm out here in the hot sun...doing this...' Nathan thought to himself, his train of thought was broken when there was a problem with the Genesis fan club.

"No passes, no entry." Shanoa stated bluntly when the fan girls didn't have their own passes. Genesis himself, however, had a pass and was ready to continue the tour.

"But we wanna stay with Genesis!" One of them whined. Shanoa made no effort to calm the girls down, instead she turned to Nathan, who turned to Kaiba.

"I think you can handle this." He said as Kaiba glared at him, but then relented as he got his duel disk ready.

"I summon the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!" He yelled as the holographic dragon appeared before the fan girls. Apparently, no one told them that it was a hologram, so they ran off but quick.

"Thank God..." Genesis muttered as he stepped through castle gates.

"Hey, no going on ahead!" Nathan yelled, who knew Genesis was that one person who always had to mess up the tour by going on ahead? Kaiba smirked as he deactivated his duel disk and followed Nathan into the park. Everyone else looked at each other and shrugged before following suit.

"Wow...this is amazing!" Kanonno said happily as the group stepped into the entryways of Castlevania. The main hallway had Simon Belmont's theme playing in the background, and there were several attractions to boot. There were skeletons handing out to balloons to the little kids, and there was a petting zoo with all of the wolves and werewolves and minotaurs for kids to take pictures with, all of them were trained not to attack the young children.

"This is the entryway into Castlevania. Normally, this area takes on many names, so eventually we just settled on entryway. This is the area where Castlevania players get the hang of how us Vampire hunters fight, and sometimes come back for a few cheap level-ups and sometimes a passage into a new area. The music you hear playing is the theme song of our President, Simon Belmont. He was the main character for the first Castlevania game, which has seen several remakes throughout the years. Before we continue I'd like to give you all these." Nathan explained as he handed everyone a map.

"Because we have to keep this tour moving along we won't have time to see the attractions. After the tour is over you'll have free access to everything in the park, all you have to do is show the bracelets Shanoa gave you all earlier. This is our way of saying thanks for being our first V.I.P guests." He added with a smile before leading everyone into what was formerly the Dark Chapel.

Inside the Dark Chapel was a stage for the C.B.P.C show and bleachers for an audience to sit, last week this part was still kind of under production, but now it looked amazing. The music playing in the background was a remix of Bloody Tears.

"Here we have the Dark Chapel, this is one of the more popular places amongst players for it's Holy like appearance. Despite being a Chapel, you will find ghosts and the occasional angelic archer or two, in Soma's case during Dawn of Sorrow." Nathan explained as he gestured around the Chapel. Uryuu made a mental note to practice some of the techniques he saw the archers doing.

"This is also where our soon-to-be-famous rollercoaster 'Ride between Heaven and Hell' is located." Nathan said as he pointed to the rather large rollercoaster. Luckily, the Dark Chapel was big enough to fit a large ride like that inside, so it was pretty epic, to say the least. Nathan looked around for a little while to see if he could find any of the others, and lo and behold, he did.

"Hey! Juste! Whatcha up to?" He asked.

"Oh, Nathan. I was just making sure the dimensions of the stain glass windows match the numbers I have on this paper." Juste replied as he showed Nathan the blueprint.

"I think it's fine, just take it easy. It looks great, right?" Nathan asked as the rest of the tour group took pictures (and in Kanonno's case, uploading them to facebook as all teenage girls do.)

"I suppose so." Juste sighed, but before the two could continue, something unexpected happened.

"IZAYA!" Someone shouted in the the direction of the tour group. Everyone looked at Izaya and backed away.

"Oh! Shizu-chan, what a surprise to see you here." Izaya said coolly as a very pissed off bartender stormed towards him. A bartender by the name of Shizuo Heiwajima.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He growled as he got right in Izaya's face.

"I was just enjoying one of my days off, it does get rather tiring watching people all day, so I figured to take some time off for myself." He replied with a condescending smile on his face. Izaya walked over to Juste and handed him a check for 10 grand.

"What's this for?" The hunter asked.

"You'll see." Izaya laughed as he walked back to Shizuo.

"So, I can assume you came here to enjoy yourself? Aw, Shizu-chan's finally going to be nice!" He taunted, patting Shizuo on the head.

"IZAYA...YOU'RE DEAD!" Shizuo yelled as he threw a punch. Izzaya jumped onto a nearby vending machine, much to the surprise of everyone there.

"This should be interesting." Genesis mused to himself as he got his camera phone out.

"Is he...?" Kanonno asked as Shizuo lifted up the vending machine Izaya was standing on, answering her question before she could ask it.

"Oh, I know where this is going..." Nathan sighed as he took the check from Juste. Juste was about to be very upset, though he didn't know it yet. Izaya jumped onto the windowsill with an evil grin on his face. Shizuo yelled before he threw the vending machine at him. Izaya jumped out of the way and the vending machine went though the stain glass window.

"AGH!" Juste yelled as he ripped the blueprint in half. 'Good thing I took the check...' Nathan thought to himself as Izaya jumped out of the window. Shizuo followed with a primal yell before Juste could even say anything.

"This isn't happening!" Juste yelled before falling to his knees, sobbing like a baby..

"There, there...we'll be able to fix it, that's what this check is for." Nathan said as he left the check at Juste's side.

"Waaah..." Juste cried as Nathan backed away.

"Okay...before Juste loses anymore badass points let's get out of here." Nathan said with a sweat drop on his face, leading everyone to the next area.

The next area was the grand library, unlike the previous areas, this place had smooth jazz playing.

"This is the Grand Library, this is where 'Classtime with Charlotte' takes place. As you can see, she's just now finishing up today's lesson. How are you doing, Charlotte?" Nathan asked as Charlotte walked on over.

"Class went fine until Jonathan and Trevor got into a fight." Charlotte sighed.

"How did that happen?"

"Well Trevor said something about how his Charmander was way better than Jonathan's Chippy...and it went from there."

"That's...sad." Nathan sighed to himself.

"By the way, Nathan? Can I ask you a favor?" Charlotte asked.

"Sure, what's up?" Nathan asked as a little girl dressed up like the Yu-Gi-Oh card 'Esper Girl' walked up beside Charlotte.

"Well this little girl's caretaker hasn't shown up to pick her up from class yet, I'd look after her but I have to get ready for the show. Can you play with her and take her on the tour until we can find her guardian?"

"Well-"

"Great, you're a lifesaver, Nathan!" Charlotte said happily as she ran off.

"...I have to get ready for the show too...and the tour's not even done yet..." Nathan muttered as the girl began to tug on his sleeve.

"Ah, right. What's your name?" Nathan asked, trying to hide his displeasure of having a kid dumped off on him all of a sudden.

"I'm the Esper Girl, but you can call me Ella!" Ella said happily.

"Well I'm Nathan, this is Genesis, Kanonno, Uryuu, Mokuba, and Seto Kaiba." Nathan introduced the whole group, everyone had mixed reactions. Kanonno thought Ella was just adorable Genesis and Uryuu had to hold back their laughter, Mokuba was happy to have someone his age hanging around, and Kaiba just growled like a 'meanie'.

"So how come you're not with your mommy and daddy, or your guardian?" Nathan asked, almost forgetting he had a tour to do.

"Because Uncle Sayer's a big jerk!" Ella said angrily. Nathan, surprisingly, was very good with kids, so taking care of Ella and doing his job wouldn't be too hard.

"Alright, tell you what; how about you come on the tour with the rest of us, and once we're all done we'll go look for your uncle, okay?" He said kindly.

"Okay! You're nice, mister!" Ella said happily, then she jumped on Nathan's back, and before he had time to react, she was perched atop his shoulders and holding onto his head for support.

"Let's go!" She said happily.

"That's the best advice I've heard all day..." Uryuu muttered, apparently the tour was moving too slow for his tastes.

"Agreed." Kaiba added, also looking somewhat agitated on how long this was all taking.

"Alright, alright. I get the point, I'll go ahead and skip this section because no one really cares about the library other than vice president Alucard." Nathan laughed. 'Charlotte...I will get you for this...' He thought to himself, but then remembered he's too nice to actually take any form of revenge on anyone.

"Okay, next up we have the battle arena, where you see Reinhardt Schnider is...kicking the crap out of everyone." Nathan sighed as he saw Schnider taking all challengers and winning. F.T.L was by the weapons rental, though no one recalled ordering weapons.

"So where did all of these come from?" Nathan asked as he looked at the large selection of weapons.

"Remember what we did to Soma last week?" He laughed, upon closer inspection, everything had a tag that said 'property of Soma Cruz' on them.

"Wait, how did all of this fall out of his pocket?" Nathan asked with a surprised look on his face, he walked over to the far end of the weapons rack, Ella still hanging onto him.

"The man had a rocket launcher?" Nathan added as he picked up the RPG.

"Hey, don't ask me why he had all of that stuff...so I can tell these guys are apart of the tour group, but who's the little one?" F.T.L asked.

"This is Ella, right now, she's a lost child."

"I'm not the one who's lost! Uncle Sayer's the one that went missing! I was exactly where I was supposed to be!" Ella corrected Nathan, pulling on some of his hair.

"Ow ow ow...alright...I get it, please stop..." Nathan sighed, he wasn't really hurt, just tired for some reason.

"Aw, Nathan's got a girlfriend, Nathan's got a girlfriend~" F.T.L teased in a sing song voice.

"No no, Nathan does not have a girlfriend." Nathan replied. 'That's partially the problem...not to mention I'm not a lolicon like Blade, please don't put that idea into people's heads...' He thought to himself as just about everyone else (Except for Kaiba) got in on the fun.

"Anyway, the show's gonna start soon, you should hurry up." F.T.L told him.

"Right, I'll see you then." Nathan said as he led everyone to the next area.

"This...ugh...is the clock tower." Nathan said with a look of disdain on his face.

"Why do you seem so upset?" Uryuu asked.

"This place...is probably the most annoying place in the entire castle, luckily, we turned it into a shooting game for all...hey!" Nathan began but before he could finish, Uryuu decided to pull out his awesome Quincy bow and shoot down every Medusa head in sight.

"That wasn't so bad." He laughed as Nathan went slack jawed.

"..." Nathan couldn't say anything, even Ella pulling his hair and ears didn't get his attention.

"I think he's broken." She said, finally getting off of his back.

"That, or he's in total awe." Kanonno added, snapping a picture of Nathan's face and uploading it to her facebook.

"...Did...that...just...happen..., with Nathan Graves." She tagged him in the photo for all to see.

"Oh that's mean...can I see?" Mokuba asked as she showed him the pic.

"Snap out of it, Graves. I'd like to get going before, well..." Kaiba pointed to Genesis, who had his copy of 'LOVELESS' out.

"So anyway, you can shoot down as many medusa heads as you like in this game, as Uryuu just demonstrated, let's get going. Next up is the Underground waterway!" Nathan said quickly as Genesis looked up, somewhat confused as to why everyone was 'read-blocking' him today.

The underground waterway was turned into a water park. The main attraction was a pool in a cavern that had the walls lined with crystal, so when a little bit of light hit the room (They installed a few windows to let the light in), the crystals would glow a bright blue. This is the area in particular Nathan took the group too.

"This is the waterways, as you can see, we turned it into a fun water park." He said as he gestured to the pool. Inside were people lounging, teenagers and college students playing football, and kids playing with the old school super soakers.

"And we even have a dunk tank! How's it going, Ms. Hakuba?" Nathan asked Mina, who was working the dunk tank. She was the one taking the money, while Soma was in the glass cage, awaiting to be submerged. Soma would have jumped Nathan for talking to Mina so casually, but Alucard told him that if he attacks anyone for speaking to Mina, he WILL go to jail and probably become someone's girlfriend.

"It's been great so far, Nathan. Soma already got dunked a few times, but I'm worried he might catch a cold up there." She said with a hint of worry in her voice. That's when Soma got really happy, for some reason.

"See? That's why I love my Mina, she's so caring and pretty, and she has the cutest mole on her-"

-CLUNK!-

-DING!-

-SPLASH!-

"Forget what I just said, okay?" Mina asked as she removed her hand from the button that sends Soma into the near freezing water.

"While I'm at it, why don't I forget what he just said?" Nathan suggested.

"Smart man." Mina laughed as Soma began flailing and gasping for air.

"Help! I can't swim!" He shouted despite the fact that the water wasn't that deep.

"Stand up straight! (...moron...)" Nathan muttered that last bit under his breath. Soma took his advice, and volia! He was just fine.

"Thanks buddy! Hey, isn't it almost time for the show?" Soma asked.

"Yeah, but I still need to take these guys to the throne room, I'll be there after that, okay?" Nathan explained. Soma gave him a thumbs up before they had to leave.

"So what's in the throne room, Mister Nathan?" Ella asked, holding onto his arm.

"That's where all of the concession stands are, maybe your uncle is there?" Nathan asked. Soon the group reached the throne room, and Kaiba wasn't too happy with having to climb so many stairs.

"Oh my God, so many stairs...I'd like to meet the guy who invented the stairs, then I'd throw him down THESE stairs. It would be funny and ironic, then his wife would leave him for the guy who invented the elevator, because everyone knows elevators are sexier than stairs!" He kept grumbling.

"What does sexier mean?" Ella asked while Kanonno hit Kaiba over the head.

"Perhaps you should ask your uncle when you find him." Genesis suggested, much to Nathan's delight, it saved him the trouble of explaining.

"And this what used to be the throne room, this is where Dracula would normally sit. As you can see, you can take pictures while sitting on his throne while holding on of his signature glasses of...fruit punch." Nathan had to change that last bit, keeping it PG in front of Ella was probably a good idea. Ella, however, wasn't paying attention. She was staring at a table like it was important or something.

"What's wrong?" He asked the little girl.

"Oh nothing~" She said happily, she didn't tell him that she noticed someone was hiding under the table like his life depended on it.

"Hmm...I thought we would run into him by now. I guess you'll just have to come with me until after the show." Nathan said.

"This pretty much concludes the tour, we're gonna make our way back to the Chapel, it's time for the show!" Nathan sighed as he looked at his watch, it would be a miracle if they made it on time.

Luckily for him, they did make it on time.

"Wow, you just made it, Nathan." Julius pointed out. Leon handed Hector a wad of cash before sitting down and grumbling to himself.

"What's with him?" Nathan asked.

"Leon bet you wouldn't make it here on time...needless to say, he lost." Alucard explained, then put a confused look on his face when he saw Ella.

"Care to explain?"

"Yeah, she's looking for her Uncle, I couldn't take her to Shanoa at the security office during the tour, so I thought it would be a good idea to bring her along." Nathan explained to the vice president, who nodded in approval.

"That was a good idea, but only because we locked Blade up for the time being. Though we did find a use for him." Alucard explained with a smile on his face. For somewhere in a dark room with TV's in it, Blade was watching the security cameras, going into fever mode whenever he saw a young girl. When this happened, a few skeletons would collect the gold coins that fell from his mouth and transported them to Alucard's office.

"Places everyone, the show is going to start!" Simon yelled through the megaphone. When we say 'yelled' we mean 'YELLED'. Koizumi took the megaphone from him before he could cause permanent damage to anyone's eardrums.

"Perhaps I could hold onto this for the time being?" He asked politely, Simon shrugged and went backstage with the others. Pretty soon, everyone took their places, Ella insisted on staying with Nathan, so it seemed she would be a part of the show too.

"Please enjoy the show!" Yuki and Mikuru said happily, they had gotten better at sounding perky when they said that.

"Hello everyone, welcome to the C.B.P.C show! I'm your ultra-awesome hostess, Haruhi Suzumiya!" The crowd cheered wildly, and this time, they were completely visable.

"Today's first question comes from the always awesome VladCT, it's directed towards a friend of Juste Belmont's, Juste! You're up, buddy!" Haruhi said happily. As Juste walked onto the stage the squealing of fan girls nearly deafened everyone in attendance. Juste turned to the audience and flipped his hair, getting the girls to swoon.

"Man, he's good..." Trevor muttered under his breath, he and Jonathan were wearing dunce caps for their fight earlier, Jonathan was being scolded by his father who threatened to pull a Morris Baldwin on his behind.

"We have a special guest today, Jsute...you know Maxim, right?" Juste went wide eyed as his 'friend' stepped on stage.

"Hey, Juste! What's up?" Maxim asked as Juste went into 'silent badass mode'

"Maxim, VladCT was wondering; for a European swordsman, what's with all the ninja moves?" Haruhi asked, reading the letter and ignoring the fact that Juste was reaching for his whip.

"Well, when I was a kid I LOVED watching Naruto, and I always wanted to do the shadow clone jutsu! Believe it! Man, you have no idea how useful it was to kidnap Lydie-"

-CRACK!- Juste whipped Maxim straight in the chest, getting him to jump back.

"You're a dead man! Get back here!" Juste yelled as he chased Maxim throughout the stage.

"I-I was just kidding! Can't you take a joke?" Maxim pleaded as he ninja-ed his way onto a high up staircase.

"Oh I can take a joke, here's a joke; why did Maxim cross the road?" Juste asked, still fuming.

"Why?" The audience asked collectively.

"Because Juste Belmont was chasing him with a rocket launcher!" Juste yelled, pulling an RPG from out of nowhere, upon closer inspection, a tag read 'Property of Soma Cruz'.

"How many of those did he have?" Schnider asked out loud as everyone else stared in awe. Maxim ran like a chicken out of the Chapel, and Juste followed him, aiming like he was the Master Chief. Pretty soon, explosions were heard throughout the Chapel.

"Oh-kay...let's move on, shall we? Our next questions are from another awesome reviewer, Satanic Park of Madness! And the one answering these questions will be our very own Nathan Graves!" She said as Nathan walked on stage with Ella, who was clinging onto his back again.

"Nathan! Nathan! Nathan!" The guys in the audience chanted.

"Aww, he's good with kids!" He heard a few women say.

"I want him!" He heard one girl in particular say, he disguised looking for her as waving to the audience (who apparently, love him). He found the girl, and her boyfriend who was sitting right next to him. 'I'm not messing with that.' He smartly thought to himself. The second he sat down, Ella jumped onto his lap and gave him a hug, earning an 'aww' from the audience.

"Um, before we get to the question, who's she?" Haruhi asked.

"We're looking for her Uncle, according to Ella here, he's a scatterbrain who gets lost easily." He exlpained, patting Ella on the head. Everyone in the audience and everyone backstage went 'Awww!' collectively, from the loves-anything-cute Charlotte, to the biggest badass in badassness Simon Belmont.

"Don't worry, you little cutie, we'll find him!" Haruhi said happily as she got back to her job.

"Anyway, Satanic Park of Madness wants to know two things; the first is which is your favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card? And the second being what type do you think is the worst?"

"Well I think it''s obvious that I have two favorite cards, one being Esper Girl here." Nathan replied happily as Ella gave him a hug. Another 'Aww' could be heard.

"The other being Gorz, the Emissary of Darkness. That card is Meta in every deck, and there's really no way he'll ever outlive his usefulness. As for what type I think is the worst? Are we talking Archtype or just type in general?" He asked.

"You might as well answer both, it's good for ratings." Haruhi pointed out.

"Well as for Archtype, I gotta say Fortune Ladies. I mean, every cards has it's uses, but a pure Fortune Lady deck isn't going to go far. With constantly banishing themselves with Future Visions, the field is left wide open. And even if they do stay around, they're gonna be too weak to live very long. As for a type in general...I'd have to say rocks just based on the fact that they don't have much support. Does that work?"

"Perfect, and with that, we can wrap up the show for today!"

"Actually, can I do something really fast?" Ella asked.

"Sure, why not?" Haruhi agreed as she handed Ella the mic.

"I'd like to ask everyone in the park to help me find my uncle Sayer, he's been missing for a few hours now. He's wearing a green sweater vest with a back shirt and a white tie on. He's also wearing blue pants and black dress shoes, and he has a really stupid haircut! I'll give anyone who brings him here...umm...this!" Ella waved her wand, and a bag of gold appeared beside her. The bag had a tag on it that said 'Property of Adrain Farenheights Tepes' on it. Something Alucard wasn't amused at.

"Let me at her! She'll pay for that!" Alucard shouted backstage as Simon, Jonathan, and Soma held him back.

"Hey, remember the LAST time a little girl got hurt because of us? I was sued!" Soma pointed out.

"That was your fault, let me go!" Alucard thrashed and kicked. Pretty soon, everyone in the audience ran outside in search of the Psychic Duelist.

"And now time for the C.B.P.C omake segment!" Haruhi and Nathan said happily.

"And what's on the agenda today, oh wonderful hostess?" Nathan asked.

"Glad you asked, awesome club member! Today a hunt has been issued throughout the park by your friend, Ella, to find a man named Sayer. The prize is a bag of gold that vice president Alucard so generously donated. Oh, looks like we have a visual thanks to our friends at Netherworld News Network." Haruhi pointed to a screen, on the screen, Pleinair stood in front of a scene where Sayer was running for his life from a mob of amusement park customers. They had pitchforks and torches and even a few swords (All property of Soma Cruz).

"So I take it he's been found?" Nathan asked the blue haired demon reporter, who only nodded in response.

"Will you be taking part in this, Pleinair?" Haruhi asked. Pleinair nodded again as she pulled out dual pistols and jumped into the fray, pretty soon, visual was lost.

"Tune in next week for another episode of the C.B.P.C!" Haruhi and Nathan said happily before waving at the cameras.

* * *

><p>LordAce: And that's a wrap for this week!<p>

Nathan: That was fun, can't believe everyone went after Sayer like that.

LordAce: Who ended up winning?

Nathan: Pleinair did, she shot anyone who got in her way...they're fine though. Those were BB guns she had.

LordAce: I bet Alucard was pissed~

Nathan: You know it, so who was Ella anyway?

LordAce: I decided that Poor Sayer was gonna become a series, and I figured I would add them into this chapter as sort of a segway. I'm gonna upload a chapter sometime this week about today's events as seen through Sayer's eyes.

Nathan: Isn't that shameless advertising?

LordAce: I prefer the term 'Targeted Marketing'. Anyway, thank you to Satanic Park of Madness (for the words of encouragement concerning college), VladCT (For always reviewing and pointing out things I would not otherwise notice...who knew Maxim was a Naruto fanboy?) and Foretoldlegends (for sticking with this story so far), and thank you to all of you who are enjoying reading this.

Nathan: I can't wait until next week!

LordAce: Me neither!


	10. Chapter 10

LordAce: Ladies and gentlemen! It's that time of week again, yes, another exciting installment of the Castlevania Badass Protagonist Club! Nathan, what do we have in store today?

Nathan: Well, Soma gets even more annoying than usual...I'm actually not looking forward to that.

LordAce: He gets even WORSE? That's...saying something, so how did you enjoy last week?

Nathan: It was fun, but if Charlotte drops another kid in my lap I'll have a heart attack.

LordAce: But everyone thought you two were so cute!

Nathan: It was just the without warning part that bothered me, what guy enjoys suddenly being responsible for a child, no matter how cute they are?

LordAce: Spoken like someone who's been on the Maury show, something you're not telling us?

Nathan: Not me, but Hugh's a regular guest on that show.

LordAce: The less you say about that the happier all three of Hugh's fans will be, let's get on with the show!

* * *

><p>Soma, I swear to God... (Part 1)<p>

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Nathan asked as he arrived on set for the show, they weren't due there for a few hours, but Simon called everyone there all of a sudden.

"Nothing of terrible importance, I just felt it a good idea that we alternate duties for today." Simon explained, pointing to a 'chore chart' for everyone to see what their particular job for the day was. The only two who's jobs didn't change were Charlotte and Soma. Charlotte, because no one else was qualified to teach the young children about random topics, and Soma, because who didn't want to dunk him in the dunk tank? Especially after what happened earlier in the week.

* * *

><p>Earlier that week...<p>

"Soma, let go! I'll only be gone for a week!" Mina growled as Soma hung onto her legs. Her family was going on vacation, with a relative looking over the now pimpin' Hakuba shrine. Soma, however, had to stay behind to perform his duties as a main character of Castlevania (Though everyone did say they could manage without him.)

"But that's too long! I'll go crazy without you!" Soma pleaded as the others looked on.

"(That ship has already sailed...)" Vice president Alucard muttered with Simon nodding in agreement.

"Oh for the love of...here!" Mina sighed as she pulled out a doll from her bag. It was one of the plushies the park sold, they had dollies in the form of everyone who was featured in Castlevania, including Mina. Soma eyed the plushie with a confused look on his face, wondering why Mina had offered him a doll of herself.

"Will this keep you happy for a little while?" She asked, eyes twitching.

"B-but, it's not the same!" Soma whined, despite the fact that he was now hugging the dolly.

"I can't hear your voice from it..." He added while Mina seriously contemplated sending Soma to the nearest asylum.

"Idiot..." Juste muttered as he approached Soma and pulled a string on the Mina doll's back.

"Soma! Soma! Soma!" It said in a high pitched and happy voice. Soma got a wide grin on his face and hugged the doll in the same manner he would hug the real thing while the real Mina began blushing and hid her face behind her hand. She couldn't believe they put catch phrases in those dolls, especially without her permission. Trevor noticed this and tired to make her feel better about it.

"Relax, they put them in all of our dolls." He laughed as Hector pulled out his own doll (Which he gave out to almost every woman he could find.)

"I'm Hector, bitch! I'm Hector, bitch! I'm Hector, bitch!" It said as the string was retracted into the doll's back. Simon turned to Alucard with an expression that asked 'Did anyone test these things before we put them on the shelves?' Alucard noticed this, and had a simple reply.

"They sell, so who cares?"

"Um, I think this should handle that, have fun on your vacation." Maria said as she stifled her laughter.

"Without him around for a while, I'll be able to actually relax, see you guys in a week!" Mina said happily as she tossed her luggage into the family car, she jumped in the car herself and promptly told her father to 'Step on it!'

Back to the present...

* * *

><p>"Soma! Soma! Soma!" The doll said again for what felt like the millionth time.<p>

"A grown man playing with dolls...this is pathetic, isn't it Chippy?" Jonathan said to his, ironically, stuffed Charmander doll. Charlotte was ready to point that out, but John Sr. stopped her.

"Let him have his fun, you know how he gets." He told her.

"Right, so I'm still doing the classroom, right?" She asked, everyone was crowded around the chart, and she was too short to see what her job was.

"Looks like it, and Soma's still in the dunk tank...but who's gonna be running it?" Trevor asked as he looked for his own name.

"Looks like Leon's on that one." F.T.L said, trying to hold back a laugh. Leon went wide eyed as he heard that. He never really got over how Soma wailed on him a while back, so the chance to dunk...i mean...WATCH Soma get dunked was too good an opportunity to pass up.

"Just remember, Leon. We can't have him getting sick, other than that, enjoy yourself." Julius explained to the grinning Belmont. Julius was working the Clock Tower game, but because he was (Somehow...) the oldest, he knew how to handle all of the medusa heads...somehow...

"Aww, I got the security booth." Richter sighed.

"Aww, I got the cotton candy stand..." Shanoa muttered. Richter really enjoyed working the cotton candy stand the week prior, and Shanoa had no qualms with sitting in an air conditioned booth all day. The two stared at each other for a while before Richter broke the silence.

"...Wanna trade?" He asked.

"Deal." Shanoa replied as the two shook hands.

"Vice president? You're going to work the rollercoaster?" Trevor asked, still looking for his own name.

"I feel it would be a good idea, not to mention a change of pace from my office." Alucard explained. What he really planned on doing was waiting for each ride to be over, then once he was sure the ride was at a complete stop, he would run into the ride area to pick up anything that might have fallen out of the rider's pockets...did we mention there wasn't a lost and found section?

"So I'm on Blade duty...how joyous for me." Simon muttered, despite being the president of the whole club, his job was randomized as well (At least, that's what Alucard told him.) Blade duty meant making sure Adam Blade didn't get out and chase young girls the whole time, his friends would normally take care of this, but they took up the jobs that were leftover once the club members each received their assignments. Those jobs were janitor, janitor, janitor, and head janitor.

"Oh, looks like I'll be Charlotte's classroom assistant." Nathan said as he found his name, he wasn't aware Charlotte even needed an assistant.

"Great, you'll be in charge of the project for today." Charlotte told him.

"Wait, project?"

"You'll see."

"...Why did I get a bad feeling just now?" Nathan thought out loud.

"It would seem I'll be taking charge of the tour group today." Juste said in a monotone voice.

"This is the entryway...this is the Dark Chapel...this is the library..." Maria mimicked Juste's unenthusiastic voice, then gasped as she found her own name.

"I'M ON THE PETTING ZOO?" She shouted as Alucard turned away, holding back the biggest laugh he's ever experienced.

"Hot dog stand...? Forget that..." Schinder muttered as he switched his name back to the battle arena, putting F.T.L's name where his was. F.T.L noticed this, but figured that sitting around snacking all day wasn't a bad way to spend his time, and he was getting paid, so he didn't really care.

"C'mon...where's my name?" Trevor whined as he finally found it.

"Lifeguard? Wait, why am I the lifeguard?" He asked out loud.

"Why not? It's a decent job." Juste asked him.

"Alright, everyone has their jobs, get ready! The show starts in a few hours, and you know how Ms. Suzumiya gets if we're late." Simon announced, shuddering at how the seemingly innocent high school girl could be so...eccentric. Everyone was pretty much gone, except for Trevor, who was cursing his own luck.

"...I can't swim..." He sighed as he trudged off to the Underground Waterway Waterpark.

"Welcome, to 'Classtime with Charlotte!' That's me!" Charlotte said happily as she and Nathan greeted the children. For the first time in the classroom's history, the class was only filled with children (Except for Nathan, who got the lucky job of being the classroom assistant.) A new student by the name of Yachiru was there as well, Nathan gulped when he saw her, where there was Yachiru, there was Kenpachi, he was certain he'd here of him sooner or later.

"Hi, miss Charlotte!" The kids said happily. Charlotte pointed to Nathan, who looked like he had no idea what he was doing.

"This is my assistant for the day, Nathan! Say hi, kids!"

"Hi, Mr. Nathan!" The kids said happily.

"Hey kids, just Nathan will do just fine though." Nathan stated, feeling embarrassed somehow.

"Okay!"

"Today we'll be learning about Chemical reactions." Charlotte explained as the kids pulled out textbooks that seemed larger than themselves.

"Wait...we're doing an actual...well...real lesson?" Nathan asked Charlotte as she put up what page in the books to turn to.

"Yeah, last week was Calculus, didn't Trevor and Jonathan tell you?" She replied.

"Nope, that's news to me." Nathan didn't ask either of them what the lesson was on, he was too busy laughing at the fact that they each got in trouble. 'What kind of advanced class is this? These kids aren't even ten yet!' He thought to himself.

"Today we're going to observe the chemical reaction between Potassium Chlorate and...hmm...a piece of candy!" Charlotte explained happily as she pulled out a bag of sour skittles. She then gestured at the lab setup Nathan was standing next to, there was a test tube being held by one of those metal holder things, and it was filled with Potassium Chlorate.

"Candy!" Yachiru exclaimed happily as she ran over to Charlotte's desk, opened it up, and took every piece of candy she could find. She then went back to her seat before Charlotte could reprimand her. Charlotte sighed before continuing.

"Now Nathan is going to demonstrate what happens when the candy hits the chemical while I...stand back here." She added nervously, handing Nathan the candy before walking over to the back. Nathan, obviously, was a little nervous.

"Isn't there some kind of safety equipment or something that should be worn here?" He asked. Charlotte and the kids each pulled out goggles and gave him the thumbs up.

"Okay, how about any for me?" He added, and when they all shook their heads no, he got a little depressed. 'This girl is trying to kill me...' He thought as Charlotte gestured for him to get on with it. He gulped before dumping a few skittles into the test tube. For a second, nothing happened.

"Huh?" Nathan looked into the test tube, and that's when a stream of smoke shot in his face.

"Whoa!" He yelled as he fell backwards, hoping that smoke wouldn't give him a weird rash or anything. Inside of the test tube, the skittles began to glow and make noises like fireworks.

"Relax, Nathan, it's just oxygen. Take notes, kids. Potassium Chlorate, when heated, can become a powerful oxidizer. When something, such as sugar, is added, it creates an effect that breaks apart whatever is added and creates oxygen. Because of this, Potassium Chlorate is used in aircrafts and in spaceships to create extra air. Did you all understand that?" Charlotte explained.

"Yes, Miss Charlotte!"

"Nathan, are you alright?" She asked as Nathan got up, trying to calm his heart rate.

"That was...that was...I need a minute." Nathan replied as he sat down on the floor next to little Sally, who was laughing at the poor hunter's misfortune.

"Now for the next reaction-" Charlotte began but was interrupted by an announcement over the loudspeaker.

"Attention, everyone in the park! This is Haruhi Suzumiya, coming to you with a special announcement!" Haruhi's voice said over the loudspeaker, in the background, you could hear Kyon saying 'Haruhi, you can't just make announcements like that! Are you crazy?'

"Shut up, Kyon! Anyway, this announcement is to inform everyone that Reinhardt Schnider, Zaraki Kenpachi, Adam Blade, and Simon Belmont are currently having a fatal four way over in the battle arena in a free for all hell in a cell match! That's right, people! It's going down, it's going down! At the arena, see you there!"

"Yay! I told Kenny he'd find something fun here!" Yachiru said as she jumped from her seat.

"Can we go teacher lady? Huh? Can we?" She asked, nearly glomping the unsuspecting teacher.

"I suppose so, class is dismissed, everyone! You all did well today. Follow me to the arena." Charlotte explained as the children lined up nicely.

"You too, scaredy man!" Yachiru said happily to Nathan, who seemed a little taken aback by being called 'scaredy man'.

"Uh, right, let's go." He said as he exited with the rest of the class. It didn't take long to get to the arena, where an epic battle was taking place in the center of the ring. Haruhi and Yuki were at the announce table, while Kyon, Mikuru, and itsuki were handling cameras. Juste, the head of the tour group, was rubbing his temples like someone had just burned down an IKEA store.

"What's up, Juste?" Nathan asked, but the red clad hunter just sighed and pointed to the arena.

"I'll explain; we were on tour when we reached here, there was a strong guy beating the hell out of anyone who entered, I guess Kenpachi got excited or something and jumped on in. At the same time, some guy in a weird priest outfit ran in screaming 'FEVER!' while your president, Simon Belmont, was shouting at him and telling him to return to his room. One thing led to another, and now there's an all out brawl." A young man explained.

"...And who are you?" Nathan asked.

"Ah, sorry. My name is Lelouch Vi...er -ahem!- Lamporuge, nice to meet you." Lelouch greeted, shaking Nathan's hand.

"I'm Nathan, nice to meet you too." Nathan looked around at the rest of Juste's tour group, aside from Lelouch he saw a few people he recognized. There was Guy Cecil, Cress Albane, Izaya Orihara (again...Nathan made a mental note to make sure Shizuo wasn't there either), and even Firion (Final Fantasy 2).

"Anywho, I can see Juste is upset about having his tour interrupted." Nathan added, deciding not to point out the obvious concerning these people. (A/N: though I wonder which one of our wonderful readers can?).

"Upset? It's a disaster!" Juste whined, which was very unlike him. Then he gestured to the arena, where Simon was giving Kenpachi a submission hold of some sort.

"Man, that looks painful, doesn't it, Yuki?" Haruhi said loudly from the announce table.

"It is painful, that hold is called the anaconda vice. This move has it's roots in Brazilian Jujitsu as well as Judo. By wrapping his arm and body around the head and arm of Kenpachi, he is cutting off airflow to the brain. This hold is currently used by WWE Champion CM Punk, though he rarely uses it, preferring the go to sleep or GTS maneuver where-" Yuki explained but was interrupted by Haruhi's hand moving over her mouth.

"So it's painful, got it, now back to the action!" Haruhi shouted as the in ring action got even more intense.

* * *

><p>LordAce: Sorry folks, but I gotta cut it off here.<p>

Nathan: Wait, what? Why?

LordAce: Blame my little brother, he decided to mess up the family desktop. After a bit of yelling on my mom's part, and being the only one with a working computer in the house, guess who's laptop basically got usurped?

Nathan: That bites!

LordAce: Tell me about it, so while I'm gonna continue working on this half, I want to upload this half to give everyone who enjoys this story something to read.

Nathan: No seriously; this bites!

LordAce: The rest of this chapter will be up tomorrow, no doubt about it, but I want to upload something for my personal deadline. In any case, despite these circumstances, the regular update day will be Thursday from now on, only because that's the day I have the most free time.

Nathan: Anything else?

LordAce: Oh, right! Except for Kenpachi and Yachiru, all of Juste's tour guide tourists have something in common, what is it?

Nathan: What's the prize for the first person who answers correctly?

LordAce: Man, I'm broke, there's no prize!...Alright, whoever answers correctly will get a cookie, or something.

Nathan: Don't be so damn cheap!

LordAce: Alright alright! Geez...whoever answers correctly can have me beta read a story if they wish. I dunno if I'm qualified but I honestly don't mind helping out anyone who wants to write something, and I'd actually be honored to help out.

Nathan: Still sounds like you're being cheap.

LordAce: Wanna know what's cheap? Circle of the Moon after every boss fight, no recovery orb! The very thing I looked forward to after every boss fight, gone!

Nathan: Can't argue with that.

LordAce: Anyway I'm gonna shut up in a sec, I just wanna say two things. One being that the poor Sayer chapter I said I was gonna upload is close to being done, so it should actually be up soon, the second being that I have finished the storyline for my Fire emblem hack. It will be called 'Corruption of Light', and it'll actually take place in the final fantasy 1 world, post game. Now for the actual hacking (Great...this'll be fun...) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this and the 2nd half of this chapter will cover the questions you left behind, as well as all of the thank you's. Later!


	11. Chapter 11

LordAce: I'm gonna shut up this time around, and just get back to the action, when we last saw everyone, they were all enjoying a fatal four way hell in the cell match fearturing Simon Belmont, Adam Blade, Zaraki Kenpachi, and Reinhardt Schnider. We now return to said action

* * *

><p>Soma, I swear to God...(Part 2)<p>

"Man! A chair to the head? Who even put those there?" Haruhi asked aloud from the announcers table.

"Those items were placed there by Kyon and the others as per your orders." Yuki replied blankly.

"Err...that didn't really require a response..." Haruhi pointed out quietly, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"This fight's gotten pretty intense..." Nathan muttered from his seat, apparently after the initial 'what the hell is going on here?' talks, everyone settled into seats. Nathan lucked out and got a front row seat, where he was enjoying a nice cold pepsi and a hot dog.

"No kidding, though I really wish that things did not turn out this way." Juste muttered from beside him, still annoyed that his tour went so sour.

"Relax, just enjoy the carnage. This is better than walking around all day, right?"

"I suppose so." The two went back and forth while in the ring, Blade decided to go to the top rope. He then did a back flip, landing right on Schnider, and soon, the both of them were on the ground.

"DAMN!" The crowd shouted before cheering like crazy. Nathan looked around to see how many people were there. Unsurprisingly, the place was pretty packed, when you gather 4 of the biggest baddasses in badassery and pit them in a free for all fight, people are gonna show up. He also caught sight of vice president Alucard, who was going around taking bets, trying to get a bit of side action himself.

"Hey, why do you think vice pres is so...obsessed with money?" Nathan asked.

"I thought it was obvious?" Juste replied.

"No, he never said anything."

"Well, it's because of that ring he's wearing. It's called a miser ring, the more money one possesses, the stronger it's wearer becomes." Juste explained as Nathan made a mental note to see if he could order one from Amazon or Ebay. Nathan also caught sight of F.T.L selling hot dogs in the stand, though it seemed he was getting into it with a rowdy customer.

"Sir, we do NOT put chocolate syrup on hot dogs, how many times do I have to explain it?" He muttered, eyes already twitching.

"Oh man, Juste, check this out." He gestured over to the young man, who was now dead up in the rowdy customer's face.

"Listen, kind sir, if you don't cease your incessant whining right now you WILL wake up in lab restrained to a table with your precious chocolate covered hot dogs coming out f your ears. Not 'going into your ears' but 'coming out of your ears', meaning I would have put them into your head to begin with somehow. Do you want that?" F.T.L explained with a disturbingly calm attitude.

"...Damn." Juste muttered as he turned back to the fight. Kenpachi just picked up Blade by his choker and threw him into Simon, only to be kicked in the head by Schnider.

"Oh wow! Talk about brutal! I wouldn't be surprised if-" Haruhi began to announce, but when Kenpachi got back up, she got quiet...pretty much in awe of how much damage this guy could take. Yuki, however, kept her usual emotionless demeanor.

"At this rate, they'll never get finished!" Nathan yelled, despite the fact that he was enjoying the impromptu match, they still had a show to do...and paychecks to earn!

"You have to wonder how long these guys can keep this up!" Haruhi said, almost jumping over her table. At that moment, almost as if something had jinxed the whole thing, all four men went for the spear maneuver. But when four big guys run at each other with their heads lowered...it doesn't usually end well for anyone involved.

-KLUNK!-

...All four men went to the ground, not moving at all. Hector, the ref for this little match up, took a few seconds to do his signature 'wannabe Rick James laugh', before starting the count.

"1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10! That was...COLD-BLOODED! Hahaha!" Hector shouted before calling for the bell.

"This match has been declared a four way tie, if you placed any bets, you can retrieve your money from Vice President Alucard. He is currently trying to sneak out from the lower right staircase, as you can see." Yuki explained nonchalantly and pointed to the giant screen, where Alucard was sneaking out with a bag of money...or at least, tried to before a crowd of people jumped him (Including F.T.L, who had his money on Simon.)

"(...Yuki...you'll pay...)" Alucard muttered as he ran from the impending crowd.

"Well this was fun, I'm going to head off with the group again while Kenpachi recovers." Juste explained as he gathered the rest of his tour group.

"I'll tag along, the class ended early so I'm free until the show, do you mind?" Nathan asked.

"Not at all, we were about to go check up on Leon and Soma, though after that we'll have to head straight for the Chapel, this fight took up quite a bit of time." Juste replied, leading everyone towards the waterways. When they got there, neither Nathan nor Juste were too surprised to see what they saw.

-CLUNK!-

-DING!-

-SPLASH!-

"Argh! Leon, can you stop already?" Soma growled as he crawled back onto the platform for the dunk tank.

"What? Don't stop? Okay~!" Leon sang as he hit the dunk button again.

-CLUNK!-

-DING!-

-SPLASH!-

"Leon...what did Julius tell you?" Nathan sighed as he shook his head at the display.

"He said to have fun as long as Soma doesn't get sick, well Soma isn't siick, is he?" Leon responded as he moved to hit the button again.

"Aren't the customers supposed to do that?" Juste asked as he pulled Leon away.

"...I suppose, would any of you like to try?" Leon asked the tour group.

"I guess I can." Guy replied, paying the usual 3 bucks.

"3 dollars, ten shots!" Leon announced.

"I thought it was three?" Soma cried.

"Not today it isn't!" Leon replied with a smile on his face. While Soma was crying (though you couldn't really tell, he was soaked to the bone), Cress picked up Soma's Mina doll, which was sitting on the table.

"This is a cute little doll, hey...there's a string coming out of it. Wonder what it says...?" He asked as he pulled the string.

"Soma! Soma! Soma!" The dolly said as Guy jumped up and threw the ball straight in the air.

"Hey! Don't touch my do-" Soma yelled as the ball fell into the cage and hit him over the head, knocking him into the water.

"Welcome to YouTube." Izaya smirked as he put his camera phone away.

"...You're kind of creepy, you know that...? ...Let me see that." Leon said as he and Cress gathered around Izaya. Guy was still in a traumatized state, so he was going fetal position while rocking back and forth.

"...This has to be one of the weirdest groups I've ever seen." Nathan muttered, with Juste nodding in agreement.

"Attention, everyone in the park and ESPECIALLY members of the Castlevania Badass Protagonist Club! The show is about to begin, please make your way to the Dark Chapel!" Haruhi shouted over the loudspeaker, Nathan, Leon, and Juste all stared at each other, they would have to run mad fast to get there on time. Soma would have been worried, had he not been unconscious at the time.

"Crap, we better get going, sorry, but this ends the tour." Juste told the group as he, Leon, and Nathan picked up Soma and began to run like crazy towards the dark chapel.

"...So does this mean we can do whatever we like now?" Lelouch asked.

"I guess so...shouldn't someone help Guy?" Cress pointed out.

"No, this is an interesting reaction." Izaya said with a creepy tone in his voice, recording the blonde swordsman on his phone.

"...This guy...is scary..." Lelouch and Cress sighed as they waited for Guy to stop spazzing out.

Meanwhile, at the club; Nathan, Leon, and Juste were rushing towards the dark chapel while carrying Soma.

"And we're...safe!" Nathan shouted as they made it backstage just in time for the show to start. Simon would have reprimanded them for cutting it so close, but he was holding an icepack to his head, so he let it slide. Alucard would have done it as well, but he was still sore from being robbed earlier. (He considered people taking their money back as a robbery, seeing as how the park had a no refund policy.)

"Hello , and welcome to the C.B.P.C show, I'm your ultra cool hostess, Haruhi Suzumiya!" Haruhi said happily as the crowd applauded.

"Today we have a returning guest, but first...Juste Belmont and Jonathan Morris! Please come out to the stage!" She said as Juste and Jonathan made their way on stage, and after the fangirls were done screaming, Haruhi started on with her question.

"VladCT, one of our star reviewers, has a question concerning a weapon that you got from your friend, Wind." Haruhi explained as Jonathan began scratching his head, he got a lot of things from Wind, so he had to wrack his brain for a while.

"It's about the stellar sword, do you have it with you, Jonathan?" She asked as Jonathan pulled it out of his jacket.

"Right here, what about it?" He asked. Haruhi gestured for Kyon to turn down the lights. She then pulled out a flashlight, and shined it against her face so that she looked like one of those creepy storytellers. Jonathan and Juste gulped before she continued.

"Today...from beyond the grave...we have a very special guest (ooh, scary scary...), WIND!" Haruhi said in her best scary story voice as a ghostly whirlwind happened, when it died down, the ghost known as Wind was standing there.

"Mr. Wind, may I ask why you had the stellar sword, when it belonged to Juste's so-called-friend Maxim?" Haruhi asked, back to her normal(?) perky self.

"Oh, he sold it to me for magic beans...what an idiot..." Wind said as some cool harmonica music played as he spoke. Nathan turned to the audience to find Kalin (Kiryu) Kessler in the audience, playing his signature harmonica. He thought to go in there and tell him to keep it down, but his playing added ambiance to the meeting, so he let it go.

"And I want my sword back, believe it!" Everyone groaned as Maxim ninja-ed his way on stage. Juste, however, was surprisingly calm.

"Whoa, I earned this fair and square!" Jonathan yelled as he put the stellar sword away.

"I got ripped off, those magic beans didn't make Lyide like me at all!" Juste laughed under his breath, to think this guy was as stupid as he thought. Not to mention he didn't have Soma's RPG anymore, so he decided to just sit back.

"Hey, you were the idiot who asked if I had any magical items that would make a girl like you, and you said you would give me your sword for such an item. Didn't you read the warning on the can?" Wind asked, pointing to the can Maxim had in his hand. It read 'Magic beans, makes your wishes concerning your best friend's girlfriend come true...results may vary.'

"Look, a real ninja like myself needs a sword like that, it's stellar!" Maxim said in a corny voice. At that moment, another whirlwind appeared behind Maxim. When it died down, a REAL ninja appeared on set. Ryu Hayabusa, a REAL MUTHAF***ING NINJA, took one look at Maxim, and backhanded him so hard he flew through a wall. He then walked over to Juste, who handed him a $50 bill, then disappeared in the same manner he appeared.

"That took less effort on my part." Juste explained when everyone stared at him.

"Umm, I think that's it for today! Now-"

"Simon Belmont! I want a rematch!" Kenpachi burst on stage before Haruhi could end the show. Simon took one look at the man before standing up.

…

…

…

"And welcome to the C.B.P.C omake segment! I'm Haruhi!" Haruhi squealed.

"And I'm Nathan!" Nathan said happily from beside her.

"An what do we have on the schedule for today, wonderful hostess?" Nathan asked.

"I'm glad you asked, awesome club member! Today, it looks like Zaraki Kenpachi, captain of squad 11, has challenged the club president to a one on one rematch. After the fight earlier, there was no clear winner, and because Blade and Schnider are still recovering we have a grudge match on our hands." Haruhi explained as a giant screen showed Simon and Kenpachi throwing punch after punch at each other. Alucard was also seen, taking bets once again, this time wearing a bad casino outfit.

"Do you think vice pres will finally get his payoff?" Nathan asked as he tried to avoid laughing at Alucard's outfit.

"With those clothes on and his bad luck? I seriously doubt it..." Haruhi laughed, not even trying to hold it in. Almost on cue, Yachiru jumped on Alucard, mistaking him for a Byakuya with blonde hair. For some reason, she thought his hair looked tasty like lemon flavored cotton candy, and began to bite on his head.

"Agh! That hurts!"

"Quiet! Bad candy!" Yachiru replied, chomping down on his head even more as the screen faded to black.

"I get the feeling the vice pres is gonna need an ice pack after this..." Nathan muttered, wincing at the audio that was still coming from the screen.

"I think so too, well tune in next week, folks! Have a good weekend!" Haruhi exclaimed happily as she waved at the camera. Nathan followed suit before the camera itself shut off.

* * *

><p>LordAce: Part 2, as promised!<p>

Nathan: Damn, poor vice pres...

LordAce: It's not my fault he's so cheap! Don't look at me like that!

Nathan: Sure, it's not...

LordAce: Anyway, thank you to Foretoldlegends, Satanic Park of Madness, and VladCT for once again, reviewing. Personally, I'm glad Maxim had the taste smacked out of his mouth. Especially to VladCT for guessing on the little contest we have going right now. I can't tell anyone if you were right or wrong yet, I'll announce that next week.

Nathan: You seem kind of tired, what's up?

LordAce: Meh, lack of sleep for some reason, probably nothing. Thanks for the concern though.

Nathan: Oh, I was just wondering because you're the one who signs the paychecks.

LordAce: In the words of Hector and Rick James...'That was COLD-BLOODED!'

Nathan: Still, that match was fun to watch.

LordAce: I bet it was, on an unrelated note, I have two questions concerning Yu-Gi-Oh and Bleach. First off, did anyone see that they're reprinting Legenday Shien alongside the six sam structure deck coming out? At this rate you can just buy a complete six sam deck, it's crazy! Second, for any bleach fans, is Kira dead? He got kind of messed up in the manga, but those guys are resiliant. But keeping that in mind, that was quite the injury, could someone clear that up for me? I'd really appreciate it.

Nathan:...I freaking hate Six Samurais...

LordAce:...Me too, guess I better look up ways to kill them, anyway. I hope you enjoyed this two part chapter as much as I did writing it! See you all next week!


	12. Chapter 12

LordAce:...

Nathan: Uhh, hey? What're you doing?

LordAce:...

Nathan: Hey, man...c'mon, you have a job to do.

LordAce:...

Nathan: HEY! WILL YOU...is that a gameboy color?

LordAce: Yeah.

Nathan: And you're playing...?

LordAce: Pokemon Silver.

Nathan: That's all well and good, but can't you look away long enough to get us into the show?

LordAce: Busy, you do it.

Nathan: Ugh, fine, I can see this isn't going anywhere. Enjoy the show, everyone! We've got a fun one planned today!

* * *

><p>Nathan on Break<p>

Nathan was bored, really bored, so bored he got to Castlevania before just about everyone else. He wandered around, hoping to find someone else he could hang out with, he was so bored, he couldn't have cared less what kind of job vice president Alucard would put him on today, as long as it kept him busy. Speaking of the vice president, Nathan came across his office, and heard the sound of small thumping on a wall.

"Vice president?" Nathan asked as he entered into the room, surprising the lounging dhampir.

"Gah! Nathan! You could knock first, it's proper manners." He sighed as Nathan took a look around. He noticed a dartboard with their chore chart attached to it, and began to take a look at the darts. They had the names of various members of the club on them, so it didn't take long for Nathan to put two and two together.

"So this is how you decide who does what for the week?" Nathan asked, making a blank expression as he did.

"Hey, it's completely randomized, not to mention efficient on my part." Alucard replied as he sat back down in his chair, and pointed another dart at the chart (Ha! That rhymed!).

"In any case...wait a moment...YOU'RE HERE ON TIME?" He shouted as he tossed the dart right at Nathan's head, luckily, our favorite underrated hero ducked just in time, thus it hit the wall behind him.

"...Hey, this one has my name on it." Nathan pointed out as he pulled the dart from the wall.

"I see...you're in luck, because I did not hit any chores for you to do, you have the day off." Alucard explained as he regained his composure.

"Hunh?" Nathan almost whined, as that was the exact opposite of what he was hoping for.

"As long as you stay on the park's property, you're free to do as you wish." Alucard continued.

"But I-"

"Unless you wish to be assigned to Blade duty today?" Alucard interrupted before Nathan could begin to whine, Nathan himself was out of there faster than Blade could yell 'FEVER!'

"Man, there's gotta be something for me to do..." Nathan complained as the park began to open, he looked around to see who was on tour duty, and was a little surprised to see Simon Belmont at the head of the pack.

"President! What's up?" Nathan asked, surprising Simon.

"Nathan? Why aren't you on duty?" He asked.

"Vice pres told me I have the day off, since apparently everything else is full." Nathan wasn't aware if Simon knew about how he decided who does what for the week, so he decided to keep his mouth shut for fear that if he didn't, he'd be on petting zoo duty for a month.

"I see, well you need to do something, how about introducing yourself to the group here?" Simon suggested, pointing to his tour group for the day. The group was interesting, to say the least. There were three girls, one with blue hair, a blonde who carried a blank sign and magic markers (She also had some strage fan thing on her arm, but Nathan decided not to ask), and one small one with pink hair who held a rather disturbing teddy bear (Once again, Nathan decided not to ask). They all had on similar uniforms that resembled a mix of a military uniform and a high school uniform. The others were just as weird, if that was possible. There was a young man wearing a suit with black hair and golden eyes. He had three white stripes going through his hair, though they stopped halfway through. Behind him were two similarly dressed girls who wore a red top with blue pants on, though the shorter one's were shorter. Behind them stood...

"DEATH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Nathan yelled, but not out of any sense of urgency, he was trying not to laugh at Death's appearance. His normally scary skull was replaced with a more comical looking type of skull, and his once bony hands looked like foam hands.

"Nice to see you again, Nathan. I just wanted to see how the old place was holding up." Death explained before pointing to the young man in front of him.

"By the way, this is my son. Everyone just calls him Kid."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Graves." Kid said politely, extending his hand.

"Likewise, Kid." Nathan replied, accepting the handshake.

"And the others?" He added, pointing to all of the women behind them, a little bit offended at being ignored right off the bat.

"These are my partners, Liz and Patty." Kid explained as he pointed to the two similarly dressed girls. 'Damn, he's good...' Nathan thought to himself, mistaking Kid's statement entirely.

"It's nice to meet you both." He said, keeping his thoughts to himself.

"Likewise." Liz, the older one, said as she shook Nathan's hand.

"Nice ta meetcha!" Patty said, also shaking Nathan's hand, but nearly broke his arm off because of the force she was shaking his hand with.

"And these three are?" Nathan asked, holding his sore arm.

"We're-"

"IT'S THE GIRL SQUAD! FEVER!" Blade shouted before the one with blue hair could finish her sentence. He was accompanied by Alucard and a skeleton holding a empty bag with a dollar sign sewn onto it. Blade jumped in the air, with the usual golden coins falling out of his mouth (And into the money bag), before Alucard pulled on a chain. This chain was attached to handcuffs that Blade was wearing, which plumeted him to the ground.

"I didn't realize he was here..." The girl with blue hair muttered.

"You know him?" Simon asked, intrigued by this little display.

"Yes, we do." Simon and Nathan looked at each other before turning back to the girls.

"You have my sympathy." Nathan sighed, making a sad face at the girls.

"Thanks."

"So who are you?" He asked.

"My name is Setsuna." The girl with blue hair said.

"This is Kuchinashi." She added, pointing to the blonde. The blonde girl carried a sign that read 'It's nice to meet you.'

"And this one is Mio." Setsuna concluded, pointing to the short one.

"Nice to meet you!" She said, holding out her free hand.

"Nice to meet you all." Nathan replied, taking Mio's hand for a handshake...bad move on his part.

"Er, that's quite a handshake you have there, Mio..." Nathan muttered, holding his now (almost) broken hand. 'OWWW! HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL? THAT GIRL HAS TO BE ON STEROIDS OR SOMETHING!' He thought to himself, fighting back tears.

"Maybe I should have said something." Blade muttered nonchalantly. 'Blade, I swear to GOD I'm gonna kill you if you knew something!' Nathan thought to himself.

"We have powers similar to Blade and his friends." Setsuna explained while Kuchinashi held up her sign that now read 'That looks like it hurts'.

"Interesting, do you mind elaborating?" Simon asked.

"Right, we-"

"Setsuna's is speed, Kuchinashi's is fragrance, and Mio's is power." Eve said all of a sudden, walking by with her favorite dero doro drink. This caused the three girls to fall over, as they looked like they were going for a grand entrance or something to that effect.

"Hey! We had a cool pose planned out!" Setsuna shouted at, the now retreating, Eve.

"Go to the hospital after the show, Nathan." Alucard sighed as Nathan tried moving his fingers (Which was getting pretty painful).

"Good idea, well it was nice meeting all of you." Nathan winced as he waved his good hand, though he kept a smile on his face to maintain a friendly appearance.

"Bye, Mr. Nathan!" Mio said happily, blissfully unaware of the fact that she nearly shattered Nathan's hand. Nathan was about to leave before he heard some...interesting things coming out of Kid's mouth.

"Please, let me fix your hair! It's completely asymmetrical, allow me to remedy that for you!" He shouted, holding a comb and brush in Setsuna's direction.

"What are you, crazy? I swear, if you don't leave me and my hair alone I'll knock you into last week! Do you want me to knock you out every 7 days?" Setsuna replied, looking THIS close to making good on her word.

"Make it 8! Please make it 8!" Kid yelled dramatically.

"Oh, not this again..." Liz muttered, finding a chair to sit on, she must have figured she wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon.

"Why should I?" Setsuna growled, clearly getting very annoyed with Kid's antics.

"8 is the most beautiful number in existence, no matter whether you slice it horizontally or vertically, it will always come out perfectly symmetrical!" Kid explained, writing on a chalkboard that, upon closer inspection, read 'Property of Charlotte Aulin'.

"Oh crap..." Nathan whispered to himself, forgetting the unbearable pain in his right hand.

"If symmetry is so important to you, what's with those white stripes in your hair? That's hardly symmetrical!" Setsuna countered, holding out a mirror that had a piece of tape on it, the tape read 'Property of Maria Renard'. Nathan wondered how everyone was getting their stuff, and was thankful he kept his Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards in his car, instead of the employee locker room.

"Agh! You're right! I'm hideous!" Kid yelled, going fetal position and banging his fist into the ground. While this was going on, Blade was talking with the other members of the girl squad.

"Little Mio! How've you been?" He yelled and tried to give the young girl a hug but, thankfully, Alucard pulled on the chain that kept Blade at bay.

"Just fine, big brother!" Mio squealed cutely, getting the Alucard and Nathan to drop their jaws. 'BULLSHIT!' they each thought. Kuchinashi held out the sign to Nathan and Alucard, this time it read 'It's just a nickname, don't worry.'

"That...actually makes it a bit worse..." Alucard muttered, not noticing Blade turn his attention to Kuchinashi.

"SOCKS!" He yelled, doing a little handcuff wave at the blonde. Kuchinashi wiped the board clean (With Alucard's cape, I might add.) before writing a new sentence.

'Long time, no briefs!' It read.

"What kind of greeting is that?" Nathan asked before shaking his head.

"I'm going to head over to the stage now, thanks for the day off, vice pres." He laughed before waving his good hand. Alucard waved him off, too busy trying to use that Tide magic stick to get the marker stain out of his good cape.

"Ow, ow, ow..." Nathan muttered as he made his way over to backstage, where only Haruhi and her friends awaited him.

"Hm? You're here early." Kyon said, turning his attention away from his computer.

"I got the day off, being underrated has it's perks sometimes." Nathan replied.

"Hey, I was wondering, how come you don't seem as energetic as your friends?" He asked the high schooler.

"I blame Haruhi, she drags me into the most embarrassing situations." Kyon explained.

"Oh? Like what?" Nathan asked, intrigued at the chance of hearing some funny stories, anything to distract him from his throbbing hand.

"Well this one time she decided to have us do a little chibi style mini series with little versions of ourselves as the main characters. I guess you've heard of it." Kyon explained, holding his head down in shame.

"Actually, I can't say that I have." Nathan replied. Actually, Nathan had episode 12 of 'The melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya-chan (English dubbed)' bookmarked on his computer, because hearing Kyon and Koizumi say 'Holla!' made it that much funnier.

"Thank goodness, please tell me you haven't heard of 'Hare Hare Yukai', have you?" Kyon practically pleaded.

"Never heard of it." Nathan replied again. Nathan in fact had the entire song downloaded to his ipod and practiced the dance whenever he thought no one was looking. Anyway, Kyon brightened up big time.

"You and I, we're gonna be good friends." He said, nearly crying tears of joy.

"Hey, Kyon! I need you to carry this huge pointless box!" Haruhi yelled, pointing at a box that said 'totally useless stuff I don't feel like moving myself' (In Haruhi's handwriting, of course).

"Buddy...learn from my mistakes." Kyon muttered before heading over to the box. Nathan saluted with his bad hand, and winced when he hit his head.

"Dang, forgot it was hurt." He whined.

"What happened to your hand?" A very monotone female voice said suddenly from behind Nathan.

"Wah! Oh, it's just you, Yuki." Nathan sighed when he saw who it was, then put a curious look on his face.

"Wait, you don't have any problems at all wearing that?" he asked, as Yuki was already in her bunny outfit.

"No." She replied, not even changing her 'Totally not a robot or alien or anything but still stoic' face.

"Uhh, okay...and to answer your question...well, it's a long story." Nathan lied, he meant it was an embarrassing story that he would rather not let get out to the public. (A/N: Oh the irony...)

"Give me your hand." Yuki said suddenly, and before Nathan could respond, she took his bad hand and held it close to her chest.

"What are you doing?" Nathan asked, cheeks very red at the moment.

"Healing, it will only take a moment." Yuki replied, but all Nathan could think was 'Oh crap, oh crap, I hope no one sees this, I don't wanna go to jail, I'm not like Blade...I'm not like Blade...I'm not like Blade...'

"Done." Yuki said suddenly as she released Nathan's hand.

"Huh?" Nathan moved his hand around a bit, and amazingly, it was like it was never hurt.

"How did you-?"

"PLACES EVERYONE!" Koizumi yelled through the megaphone as the rest of the club piled in backstage.

"...I'll ask some other time." Nathan sighed, totally giving up on how many strange things happened to him today.

"So how was your day?" F.T.L asked, though he had bandages on for some reason.

"Looks like it was better than yours, what happened to you?" Nathan asked.

"Hector." F.T.L said as he pointed to Hector, who looked even more banged up than he was. Translation: Hector was getting on my nerves so we settled our differences in the arena.

"Hunh? F.T.L talking about he whooped my ass, he whooped my ass in his dreams. F.T.L's got delusions of grandeur, I'm telling you what it is." Hector explained. Translation: It was a good fight, though I did not expect him to use Squall Leonhart's gun blade like that, I wasn't aware that they sold replicas like that. Because I was unaware of this, I am calling this match unfair, and I wish for a rematch.

"Right...how about you, Charlotte?" Nathan asked, though regretted it when he saw how angry she was.

"SOMEONE TOOK MY CHALKBOARD!" She yelled. Nathan decided to shut up about how it ended up in the entryway.

"Man that sucks...so how was your day, Maria?" Something else he regretted.

"SOMEONE TOOK MY MIRROR!" Once again, Nathan kept quiet. Pretty soon he saw Soma and Mina, with Soma soaking, as usual.

"What'd he say this time, Ms. Hakuba?" Nathan asked, then added the proper title once he noticed Soma glaring at him like he just hit on Mina.

"Nothing, he just wouldn't stop playing with that doll. So I dunked him every time he pulled the string." Mina explained, pointing at the Mina plushie Soma held. Leon was also there, laughing his ass off.

"Let me guess; you watched?" Nathan asked.

"Hey, how'd you know?" Leon replied. Pretty soon the other members all were in place, except for Simon, who for some reason, had yet to arrive. However, it was time for the show to begin, so there was no time to look for him.

"Hello everyone! And welcome to the C.B.P.C show! I'm your ultra awesome hostess, Haruhi Suzumiya!" Haruhi yelled happily as she got the usual applause and cheers from the audience.

"But enough about me, today we have a question from one of our favorite reviewerrs, VladCT!" More cheering came, because it seemed everytime VladCT asked a question, something funny was gonna happen.

"And it involves non other than the founder and president of the club, Simon Belmont!" Haruhi shouted before the lights went out.

"The hell?" Trevor asked, but before anyone could answer, a spotlight appeared in the middle of the stage. Smoke appeared on the stage, and when it cleared up, Simon was standing in the light, his theme song playing at full blast. The crowd went wild at this, and the amount of cheering nearly blew the roof off of the place.

"I want a theme song and an entrance like that..." Everyone who wasn't Simon Belmont sighed simultaneously.

"Where did he come from, anyway?" Shanoa asked.

"Err...look at the ceiling..." Richter pointed, there was a huge hole in the ceiling, much to Juste's chagrin.

"Augh! Why does everything have to be ruined like this?" He whined as he went fetal position and began banging his fist into the ground. 'I know a certain son of Death you would get along with very well.' Nathan thought to himself.

"Mr. Belmont, it's great to finally have you on stage." Haruhi greeted the club president. To the best of anyone's knowledge, he was never asked anything. To confirm this, Schnider went through the shows records to make sure.

"Yup, at least not since we started filming, I think." He explained.

"Thank you, milady." Simon replied in his best 'awesome medieval guy' voice.

"VladCT was wondering, how come you didn't get a longcoat like the other Belmonts?" Haruhi asked as she read the letter, unlike everyone else in the club, Simon dressed in a style one would call a sophisticated Tarzan look (Though not to his face.)

"There is a very good reason for that, young lady. You see, the youth of today's Castlevania games have no sense of tradition. Back in my day, all we would need to take Dracula down was our trusty whips and whatever we could carry on our backs. All I had were my boomerangs, my axes, my holy water, and knives. Nowadays these kids seem to think they need other ridiculous items to stay alive, but I say no. And if I have to turn down a new coat with pockets on it to prove my point, then so be it." Simon said. He then explained how Konami's producers begged him to change his appearance and put on the coat, but were refused when he was told it would help him fit in with today's crowd. Meanwhile, in the universe of Tales of Destiny and Tales of Destiny 2, Barbatos Goetia's ears twitched when he heard the word 'items'.

"I see...well that's all the time we...oh wait! There's a note at the bottom of this. It says 'You know, there are plenty of fan girls who would pay ungodly amounts of money to see Alucard naked, but I wouldn't tell him that'...oh, I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, was I?" Haruhi laughed, only realizing her mistake after she read the whole thing. Backstage, all eyes turned to Alucard, who seemed to be very deep in thought.

…

…

…

"Welcome to the C.B.P.C omake segment!" Nathan and Haruhi exclaimed happily.

"And what do we ha-" Nathan was beginning to say his usual line as co-host of the omake segment, but was interrupted when Right Said Fred's '2 sexy' began playing throughout the chapel.

"Uhh, to answer your question, it looks like vice president Alucard found out how he could make easy money." Haruhi sighed, pointing to Alucard, who was doing some sort of club dance as he removed various articles of clothing. The problem with this was that he wore so much clothing at once, it would be a while before any skin was shown (Which every man in the room was thankful for). The women, however, tossed money and jewels on stage at Alucard.

"...He looks like he's having fun." Nathan sighed, trying the remove the image of Alucard stripping from his memory banks.

"Wait, where did that music come from?" He added. Haruhi pointed to the control panel, where Kyon and Koizumi were tied up, and Mikuru was handling the music, stars visible in her eyes.

"Who knew?" Haruhi laughed. Alucard took the microphone and began to talk like an idiot.

"Thank you, thank you! Everyone here will receive various me related items as a gift!" Alucard said rather loudly, but before the girls could squeal, someone burst through the doors. When the dust cleared, Barbatos Goetia was standing there, ax at the ready.

"Who here uses items?" He growled as the music skidded to a halt. He then turned to Nathan, who was sweating bullets.

"Do you use items in battle?" He growled, getting right in Nathan's face.

"Hey, I don't even have a shop to buy items from!" Nathan pleaded, not wanting to meet the business end of that ax. Barbatos thought for a moment, then turned away, but not before doing the 'I got my eye on you' motion at Nathan. He then turned to Alucard, who was still holding the microphone. 'Microphone...equals...item!' Barbatos thought to himself.

"No...items...EVER!" He shouted as the camera was cut suddenly.

* * *

><p>LordAce:...<p>

Nathan: Dude! Barbatos is going crazy!

LordAce: Yeah, that's nice.

Nathan: Put that damn game boy down!

LordAce: Busy, catching Suicune.

Nathan: I'll just do the thank you's myself. Thank you to Satanic Park of Madness, Foretoldlegends, and VladCT for reviewing once again. One thing I gotta say, I like your thinking as far as the six sams go, Satanic. But I dunno if Ryu kokki would work since you have to sacrifice to summon him, but I like how you think. Uhh, God, his handwriting is terrible...Thank you to everyone who enjoys this, and uhh...oh crap...I can hear Barbatos getting closer. For those of you who don't know, Barbatos is a popular villain from the tales series who is famous for kililng item users, killing people for playing on easy mode, and killing people for auto-leveling. In other words, he's dangerous. I'm gonna take the boss here and go, this is getting dangerous! Bye!

LordAce: Put me down! I almost dropped my game just now!


	13. Announcement

Just a quick announcement and other things

LordAce: Hey, what's going on guys? It's LordAce here with an important announcement to make concerning the story.

Nathan: (Please for the love of God, don't cut my pay...)

LordAce: I heard that, and no, your pay is safe. Anyway, here's what's going on right now. Our internet at home is cut right now, I'm actually uploading this at the local library right now because of that. That being said; I couldn't really access my page to check the reviews on the story until now. So that being said, no new chapter this week and I'm not entirely sure when the next one's gonna be up.

Nathan:...I still get paid though, right?

LordAce: (I swear he's like Alucard sometimes...) Yes, you don't get penalized for technical difficulties on my end, don't worry! Anyway, I do have a note of what everyone asked and the basic outline for the chapter so the second my net is back the chapter's gonna be up. But unless I hop on back over here at the library (Which is unlikely due to work and others things), it's not gonna be up the second I finish, once again, my apologies.

Nathan: So-

LordAce: Yes! It's basically a paid vacation for you guys!

Nathan: Just making sure! I'm setting aside money for the new six sams structure deck coming out.

LordAce:...Traitor (Though I have money set aside for that myself...) Now for the next order of business, I'm gonna go ahead and send out the thank you's as of right now to Foretoldlegends, Satanic Park of Madness, VladCT, and a new revierer, Teddyj for your reviews, and thanks to everyone who's reading this. I'm gonna go ahead and answer one of the questions here because it seems like it's more directed towards me than the characters.

Nathan: Who's it from?

LordAce: Satanic Park of Madness is wondering if I'm open to suggestions concerning the random anime characters that appear on the show.

Nathan:...Are you?

LordAce: Totally! But there's just one thing I gotta point out before anyone starts asking for their favorite characters to appear. As much as I like being prompt, (Which is ironic because this is being posted a day late), if I don't know anything about the series or that character in particular it might take a while for them to appear. Only because I would like the chance to watch said series and get a feel for who that character is, so I can better capture their character.

Nathan: But you've messed with just about every character on this show!

LordAce: That's just for fun! But really, each character retains some aspect of their actual personality, and the more true to the show I can make that character seem the happier we'll all be. But that's definitely a good idea and it'll give me an excuse to watch a few new animes, because now that it's summer I'll probably have a chance to and I'm always looking for new series to follow.

Nathan: What about characters you already know about?

LordAce: They, as always, will be on the show A.S.A.P through some random occurrence. If I know about them there's no excuse for me to delay their arrival. Speaking of delays, the new Poor Sayer chapter is done but I don't have the flash drive with me that it's on so I can't upload it today (I'm legit typing this all out right now...)

Nathan: That's it?

LordAce: For now, yeah. I still have a few other things I need to take care of before I head back, I gotta order some equipment from Amazon, check my facebook, bank account, all of that good stuff.

Nathan: (What the hell kind of equipment is he ordering?)

LordAce: (I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that...) Anyway, thanks again for following the story, sorry for the lack of update but I can't do anything without home internet (Damn Comcast...), Feel free to leave reviews and questions if you so choose even though this isn't really a chapter. Oh wait! Before I go, I'll just give a quick rundown of series I already know about just in case you all want a character to appear. It goes without saying the Haruhi series is one of my favorites, so they're fair game, there's Bleach, Needless, DBZ, Yu Yu Hakusho, The Boondocks (Not sure if it qualifies as an anime but it sure as hell looks like one), Yu-Gi-Oh original through 5D's, the old Pokemon, the old Digimon, any of the Tales series OVA's...and yeah, that's pretty much it. I'm gonna shut up now and let you all get back to your lives, you all have a great summer now!


End file.
